To think he was slightly rude on our date?

[Casseroledarling]

Weirdest date ever. Been seeing a man for a little while and have been on three dates, it was going well and he seems nice. Anyway, third date yesterday and we went for a meal in a fancy- ish pub. I had grilled chicken, potatoes and veg and finished my whole dinner, as normal. Didn’t finish it overly quick or before him, just ate it all.

Anyway, my date turns to me and says “Jesus you’ve polished that off haven’t you?”. I looked at him confused and said well yes, it’s my dinner and he just laughed and smirked. I changed the subject but felt a bit weird after. Was he making a jibe at me? I am a size 14, and guess curvy and slightly sensitive. I’ve been off with him today and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.

You havent been seeing him for a little while if it's the third date

It’s mean spirited. Of all the things to say he said that. I’d be rid of him.

Unless you'd both been scaling a mountain or swimming the Channel or something and were starving hungry, and dived into your meal and he was referring to this, this is an unacceptable comment from anyone to anyone. And smirking afterwards. Low key bullying and insulting you. Feel you have trusted your instincts getting the ick.

Even if it was said as some form of a joke if you didn’t take it that way you’re absolutely not suited. If it was that you read into it wrongly, you’ll have seen a smirk where he may have just been smiling (if he wasn’t in the wrong he could have been talking in the same way you might say I’m going to lick every inch of chocolate from that dessert spoon, it’s so good!) but it doesn’t matter. Sorry op

It's a pretty weird and gross thing to say.

Well It’s been about ten weeks, but we FaceTime most days and have had three in person dates, but as I said I’ve sort of dodged him today as I’ve got the ick. My plan is to message him tonight when he finishes work and say that it’s not working out- I’m not the sort to ghost and I will say why.

I mentioned my size and what I ate because I wanted to know if I was being sensitive or not that’s all.

In my experience men who appreciate good food tend to be good in bed. On that basis I'd throw him back in the pond!

This can’t surely be the only issue you have with him is it? Because I’m not sure if that alone is a sackable offence if otherwise he has been nice and you find him attractive….perhaps he was having a bad day

Did you message him, OP?
FWIW I think you're absolutely right to end it there.

I was on a date once and the man expressed dismay I was eating a fatty bit of meat. He said "you can't eat that, you'll ruin your lovely figure" and it absolutely put me off.

In isolation yes can be thought of as bad comment, but if everything is right would you, or anyone else, stop dating someone over one comment

OP can you ever think in your dating life where you have 100% said everything right and absolutely nothing you have ever said could be taken differently?
so people suggest get rid, so you move on to the next have a few they say something you take offnce too move on to the next one and so on
and if a man ever stopped dating a woman because of something she said all hell would break loose and the woman would be told to take revenge and other dramatics and ''omg how could he do that to that is appalling you need to cry yourself to sleep and stick pins in eyes'

if a man ever stopped dating a woman because of something she said all hell would break loose and the woman would be told to take revenge and other dramatics

Eh, no. Not unless you’re talking about 15 year old girls. If a woman had said something the vast majority of people thought very rude and a possible sign of future cuntery, she’d be told he was right to dump her.

Op and this guy have been out 3 times. She’s perfectly within her rights to get rid of him for any reason she wants, but particularly if he’s made a comment that made op feel very uncomfortable and has changed her views on him.

It suggests he thinks very narrowly about women in general (should you have ordered a small
side salad and then not eaten it?) - I wouldn’t necessarily dump but definitely challenge his preconceived notions to see if he just had hang ups on food or he really did just have odd views on woman. If you are not that into him though, definitely dump him and explain it’s because of these weird views!

There is no way I would put up with that shit at all. The day after I met my husband we ordered pizzas and I ate a full large deep pan plus two sides - I think he was surprised because at that time I was a size 8 - but he never looked at me with anything other than admiration. And throughout our marriage I've been everything from a 6 to a 16, and he's not batted an eyelid.

Definitely throw this one back.

Sometimes our subconscious red flags a seemingly small event because it senses a bigger issue behind it something that we don't consciously understand. Following intuition has saved many from heart ache and worse.

I think this was the tip of the iceberg, he said it to put you in your place, to leave you confused and discombobulated, and if you’d have let it go and carried on with him you’d have found other little slights dropping here and there until you started to feel most unlike yourself, and that’s when they have you!

He knew exactly what he was doing, in my opinion! Glad you got the ick, he’s given me the ick all the way from here! 🤮

Smirked?
Trust your intuition.
If it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't.

I don’t think it was a conscious move - I think it’s more likely to be instinctively how he behaves, poor behaviour leaks out of people, he’ll go a wee bit further each time, maybe even regretting what he says, wishing he could hold it in. But it’s who he is.

He didn’t try to. She just took it that way.

No. Women are working HARD to move past this talk being normalised.
You know what is normal? Eating. Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad for doing a basic human function!

Yeah, he meant to

Well you’ve been on 3 dates & you said he seems nice ..
You’ve mentioned you are a size 14 , curvy ..
If he isn’t attracted to you why see you 3 times !
You say he laughed & smirked , like was he just having the craic ?
I’d go on another date & see what you make of him ..
Is it possible you were being over sensitive cause you have a thing yourself about being Curvy ? I’m just asking ..
It’s just I don’t see why anyone would go on 3 dates if they didn’t fancy that person, I certainly wouldn’t!
What do you think ?

This. I wouldn’t have been bothered about his comment.

Red flag walking. He’s testing whether you’ll accept this and it will continue to get worse.

What an asshole. I’m a curvy girl too - throw this one back and find someone who doesn’t try to put you down. This is how controlling behaviour starts, so subtle you doubt yourself - as you are doing now.