To think he was slightly rude on our date?

[Casseroledarling]

Weirdest date ever. Been seeing a man for a little while and have been on three dates, it was going well and he seems nice. Anyway, third date yesterday and we went for a meal in a fancy- ish pub. I had grilled chicken, potatoes and veg and finished my whole dinner, as normal. Didn’t finish it overly quick or before him, just ate it all.

Anyway, my date turns to me and says “Jesus you’ve polished that off haven’t you?”. I looked at him confused and said well yes, it’s my dinner and he just laughed and smirked. I changed the subject but felt a bit weird after. Was he making a jibe at me? I am a size 14, and guess curvy and slightly sensitive. I’ve been off with him today and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.

It would put me off, he thinks that women shouldn’t have a good appetite, sod that, you want to feel totally comfortable around a guy, not one that makes you feel bad for eating one course!

Nah, he'd be in the bin...negging on the 3rd date, not for me.

And how do you respond

So you mean you’d marry the arsehole?

One of the main reasons I liked dh was that I had dated (well, chucked as they were weird about food and drink) blokes previously.

One guy reused to order me a pint of Stella at the bar as “women shouldn’t drink pints and Stella is for chavs”, I walked out.

On our first date, dh asked what I wanted to drink, pint of Stella and said “snap!” Then we got pissed and went to an all you can eat Chinese buffet where we had a dumpling eating contest.

I can’t bear men who comment on what a woman eats or drinks.

Huh…..a mark of respect?!?

It was not an ‘upmarket’ comment!

Who won?

I eat really fast .I dont think Im greedy; I like my food hot and I hate waste. But Id definitely feel “shamed” if a date said it to me and that would put me right off them.

He is negging you OP, sack him off he not a good man.

I thought that, it wasn't nasty. I doubt he 'smirked', he smiled. He's probably pleased to be with someone who enjoys their food, I do and wouldn't take such a remark as a criticism. It sounds friendly, he is at ease with you and you reading too much into it, in my opinion.

People say things off the top of their heads, no harm intended but I do think sometimes it's best to say nothing :).

If there is something else that makes you wary about him, fair enough, but this on its own is nothing.

Completely agree. He didn’t ask her if she enjoyed it, did he? He was pointing out that she had cleared her plate. Unnecessary and rude.

Could he have been commenting more on the speed at which you were eating?

When DW and I were first dating she told me I ate so quick that it made her feel uncomfortable. She felt like i was just watching her eat.

The next meal we went for pizza and I consciously tried to go 'bite for bite' with her. However, 3 bites in I couldn't hold back and just devoured it in a few minutes. Totally took the enjoyment away having to eat so slowly.

I can’t think of a single good reason why anyone would comment on what someone else has eaten. And those who do, know exactly what they’re doing.

The smirk and exclamation of ‘Jesus’ - because he was clearly surprised you’d eaten so much show exactly what his intention was.

It doesn’t matter what he was commenting on .. it was inappropriate and uncalled for.

To comment on what somebody eats is a form
of body shaming. Don’t see him again

Ugh, that’s a red flag. He wouldn’t be getting another date with me, that’s for sure.

He sounds like a fucking dick to be honest. And you found out early, so no need to waste any more time on him. Lucky for you! Someone better is out there.

Agreed. Innocuous comment blown out of proportion because OP is sensitive about her weight.

I don't like it but I am insecure and I had a previous boyfriend who once pinched me on the waist and said 'do you think you really need that pizza love?'

I'd love to be able to say something back like 'if you talk to me like that again I will polish your face with my plate'.

I see you've got the ick and are going to dump him. Okay, good on you.

I was going to confess that I'm probably guilty of saying 'You've polished that lot off quickly!' to my partner and friends on occasion when they've surprised me by emptying a plateful. Not implying 'You pig' or 'You're fat' way, but 'You must have been starving!' way. I may have inadvertently offended dozens of women. So I might have cut him a bit of slack — but you were there, OP, and saw his face and heard his tone.

Otherwise I would have suggested having a frank conversation with him. Tell him that if he was trying to put you down for enjoying your food and finishing your plate, he'd failed. You're a woman who enjoys decent food and isn't going to be ashamed about it, and you don't expect approval or disapproval from him.

Me. He later said that was the moment he knew he really wanted to spend more time with me 🤣🤣

What do you mean if she catches you eating, as of you've done something criminal??
At the very least, food and eating is non negotiable for survival.
And that comment is awful. I take it he doesn't eat??

This made me so sad.

classic negging.
not a keeper op

Agreed it probably wasn't the wisest of comments.

However, perhaps he was nervous? People on dates can understandably be nervous or struggle to generate conversation and end up passing comment on whatever they see at the time.

Probably not worth OP continuing if her date has made her uncomfortable 3 dates in though.

3rd date and already negging! Get rid!