To think he was slightly rude on our date?

[Casseroledarling]

Weirdest date ever. Been seeing a man for a little while and have been on three dates, it was going well and he seems nice. Anyway, third date yesterday and we went for a meal in a fancy- ish pub. I had grilled chicken, potatoes and veg and finished my whole dinner, as normal. Didn’t finish it overly quick or before him, just ate it all.

Anyway, my date turns to me and says “Jesus you’ve polished that off haven’t you?”. I looked at him confused and said well yes, it’s my dinner and he just laughed and smirked. I changed the subject but felt a bit weird after. Was he making a jibe at me? I am a size 14, and guess curvy and slightly sensitive. I’ve been off with him today and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.

Your meal was healthy and good for you. Low calorie compared to what I would order: steak pies, chips, veg and loads of gravy! He sounds like a tosser to me (unless his comment was a joke)

Raise your own bar.

Only you know the tone it was said in, and as you say it made you feel uncomfortable we can assume it wasn’t a compliment or admiration as PP have suggested.

So it was either deliberate - he’s someone who like to control relationships with negging etc to keep you in your place.

Or it was unconscious but he’s someone with no filter / empathy and just blurts out whatever thoughts and judgements he’s making inside his head.

Either way you’re looking at more of the same which doesn’t sound fun so I’d put this one back.

Depends on the manner in which it was said. It gave you the ick so there is the answer. Trust your gut
To me it sounds critical. Red flag. F* off

My ex was like this…it was kind of expected that I’d leave some for him, no matter how hungry I was, or the fact that’d also share my with at least one toddler, as he was too tight to buy a meal for them.
All this whilst my own cash card would ‘go missing’ regularly.

So you don't follow your own advice?

Horrific? Being called a little piggy? Bizarre.

Where we live hear it often usually meaning the food was good enough to eat the lot tbh nothing bad

It’s because you are sensitive about your weight. If a man said that to me on a date I would say ‘Yeah I did, it was bloody delicious. Get the waiters attention because I’m going to polish of a nice sticky toffee pudding now too’

But I’m a good, hearty eater and most blokes like that I think. I’m also not sensitive about my weight.

I would let it go, but if you genuinely think he’s being mean or making genuinely nasty jibes about your weight, then obviously fuck him off.

Thinking about my family, we’d all say stuff like this. If we went out for Sunday lunch a saying my grandad would always say was ‘You made short work of that!’ Meaning, looks like you enjoyed that!

You're absolutely right...im so sorry. I should only expect a thimble full thread.

I'd easily have said it too just to say something, sometimes I stress in social situations especially if there's a few seconds of silence 😭

It almost doesn't matter what his intention was.
(Fwiw I personally think he was clearly negging her)
The point is that the upshot of his comment is that OP will now feel self-conscious about eating in front of this guy. It's over. She says she has the ick now anyway and I would too.
You can't pursue a relationship with someone who makes you uncomfortable whatever the reason.
He's fucked it. Oh well.

He smirked at her response saying "yes, it was my dinner" because it was either an odd or perhaps sarcastic reply. He was probably expecting the reply "yes, it was delicious"!

I say similar to my kids when they polish off their dinner as its a compliment that my food was good!

People need to stop assuming that things are said with ill intent. They were on a date so it was highly unlikely to have any rude connotation.

If the OP felt his comment was rude she should have challenged it.

The smirk was probably him thinking you may have other healthy appetites.

Would give me the ick too.

I like that you clarified that pinching his roast potatoes wasn't a euphemism. ( I confess I was leaning that way!) And I will be saying that at the very next Roast Dinner. 😂

Also keeping the phrase "feet that fit inside his gob." Thanks! 😂

What a turn off. Is he the type of bloke that thinks all women should be size 8, nibble like sparrows and leave half their food exclaiming that they couldn't eat another bite?

I'd have said yes and let's look at the dessert menu. See what he says.

I hate this sort of comment.

Both my parents used to do it, you were made to feel guilty for eating and enjoying food

Agree with some PPs this is negging and it's done to see if you'll tolerate it, if you'll be all embarrassed and apologetic, or try to change your behaviour to please him. If so, he knows he has some power over you and can put you in your place by the way he speaks to you.

I don't think it's necessarily a deliberate conscious process, but it is a test nonetheless. It's done by men who feel threatened or feel a need to be in charge.

Unfortunately for him it's also a test for him, one he failed.

Yes definitely was making a jibe. That was a dig intended to make you feel insecure about your weight, which he's obviously unhappy about. This is just the beginning, so imagine what he'll be like in a few months.

DUMP!!

😂

What pisses me off is that it's designed to be delivered & hurt the other person, but they won't own up to it when confronted. It's always 'Oh we didn't mean it like that', or 'Don't be silly', when they do fucking mean it and are just cruelly gaslighting the other person.

Next time he says anything like that, say: Do you have a problem with it?

I wouldn't clock this as an insult because good food is a great joy to me and polishing off my dinner would be something I'd be happy about, as the food would have presumably been excellent. I think DP might have said something early on to me when he cooked an incredible dinner for me and I did indeed polish it off. He was pleased to have someone to appreciate his skill in the kitchen and food has become one of the things we bond over.

That said if you got the vibe that this man intended to be snarky then it's certainly a good enough reason to end things.

I’m in a family of under eaters too and friends who are similar. They’ll say oooh just the teeniest bit for me please and still leave half on their plate. And look askance when I ask for a normal sized portion and eat the lot. Maybe his family are like mine?

Thanks for all your replies and questions. I don’t want to derail OP’s thread by talking about my own marital issues! Honestly, it’s one thing in a long line of things and I’m biding my time.
Please OP don’t settle for someone who thinks it’s acceptable to comment on your body and food but I hope you are happy whatever you decide to do x