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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think he was slightly rude on our date?

230 replies

Casseroledarling · 21/08/2025 11:57

Weirdest date ever. Been seeing a man for a little while and have been on three dates, it was going well and he seems nice. Anyway, third date yesterday and we went for a meal in a fancy- ish pub. I had grilled chicken, potatoes and veg and finished my whole dinner, as normal. Didn’t finish it overly quick or before him, just ate it all.

Anyway, my date turns to me and says “Jesus you’ve polished that off haven’t you?”. I looked at him confused and said well yes, it’s my dinner and he just laughed and smirked. I changed the subject but felt a bit weird after. Was he making a jibe at me? I am a size 14, and guess curvy and slightly sensitive. I’ve been off with him today and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:
EuclidianGeometryFan · 21/08/2025 12:28

It is possible that he is a thoughtless idiot that spoke without putting his brain in gear.
It is also possible, in fact more likely, that he is an abusive misogynist, who feels that the third date is the time to start testing the waters with you, dropping in a little bit of 'rudeness' or 'negging' to see if you have boundaries and what you will tolerate.
He may not even be doing this consciously, but he is starting to get comfortable and his mask is slipping.

Dump him.

BauhausOfEliott · 21/08/2025 12:34

In isolation, I wouldn't think anything of this really. But then, I'm not used to being around people who see an appetite as a bad thing. I've never dated a man who thought of women and food in a negative way - if my partner said 'You polished that off, didn't you?' to me (and him) it would mean 'I'm glad you enjoyed that' rather than 'You're greedy'. My family are the same - we're delighted to cook for someone who clears their plate with enthusiasm.

If someone habitually makes negative judgements about food or makes negative comments in general, obviously that's different. But I wouldn't feel insulted by that remark in isolation.

CoriolanusSnow · 21/08/2025 12:38

BauhausOfEliott · 21/08/2025 12:25

You wouldn't go on a second date with a man who made a throwaway, neutral remark about polishing off a meal, but you did marry a man who literally calls you a pig every time you eat?

Show quote history

If he’d have made those comments when we were dating, no I wouldn’t have married him.
This is why OP should cut her losses now cos if he feels comfortable enough to say it after only a few dates it’s downhill from here.

ohyesido · 21/08/2025 12:40

The smirk would be it for me. Who wants a sneering boyfriend who makes you feel self conscious?

Kateb12 · 21/08/2025 12:41

CoriolanusSnow · 21/08/2025 12:01

There wouldn’t be another date if it was me he’d said that to. If DH catches me eating, he’ll say, ‘ooh what have you got you little piggy.’
Men can be real arseholes.

Can you not see the hypocrisy of what you just said? 😅

itsachickeninnit · 21/08/2025 12:42

Dangermoo · 21/08/2025 12:00

It's a throw away line.

Yeah, a throw him away line.

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/08/2025 12:43

No no no. Next he’ll be asking you if you “really need” to eat that biscuit/chocolate/whatever. This would be a red flag for me but then I don’t like men and absolutely would not put up with that shit.

Fenellasbum · 21/08/2025 12:44

Chuck him

It’s a sign that he is pretty brainless

Izzywizzy85 · 21/08/2025 12:44

CoriolanusSnow · 21/08/2025 12:01

There wouldn’t be another date if it was me he’d said that to. If DH catches me eating, he’ll say, ‘ooh what have you got you little piggy.’
Men can be real arseholes.

And you accept it? I am horrified.

DiscoBob · 21/08/2025 12:44

How vile. He's clearly a sexist pig who thinks women should give half their dinner away to a man who's already finished every crumb on his own plate. I used to know a guy like that. He looked crestfallen when I didn't leave any food for him! Greedy cunt.

Anyway definitely chuck him. It's exceptionally rude to comment on the amount others are eating. Especially if you literally only met them that day!

allthedragons · 21/08/2025 12:45

Negging on the third date? How considerate of him to let you know you don't have to waste any more time on him 💐

susiedaisy1912 · 21/08/2025 12:46

MMO · 21/08/2025 12:03

Ewwww. The smirk/laugh following a nasty comment would turn me straight off. Don't see him again OP find someone else

This

Americano75 · 21/08/2025 12:47

Oh, that's a hard no from me. Why would anyone think it's OK to pass comment on what/how much someone eats? It's fucking rude.

Cabinqueen · 21/08/2025 12:47

livingthatlifevondutch · 21/08/2025 12:12

That would really put me off him, I hate people commenting on what I’ve eaten (years of growing up with a performative under-eating mother).

I would raise it with him - his reaction will tell you a lot about him. If he says “god, it was only a throwaway joke, lighten up” or “well you had put a fair bit of food away”, you can think about whether you want to just walk away. If he looks shocked and says “I’m really sorry it made you feel like that, I meant it lightheartedly but perhaps it came out wrong” then you can give him another chance.

This.

nomas · 21/08/2025 12:49

He's got to the age of 30, 40, 50 or whatever and not learnt how to behave in company. Take this as a sign of future trouble, dump him and sigh with relief.

Canijustsayonething · 21/08/2025 12:51

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 21/08/2025 12:02

Isn’t that the whole point of food? You eat, you get up and move, after a while you eat again. Am I missing some vital part where you have to flutter your eyelashes and say ‘ooh I couldn’t possibly finish all that’?

I absolutely love those competitive eating threads 😁.

Tell him if he wants a woman who faints through lack of fuel then you’re not the one for him.

I agree; I love a competitive eating thread. Bit disappointed cos I've not seen one for a while...

Floralibra · 21/08/2025 12:52

Red flag! Why the need to comment on you finishing your dinner? That would put me right off, already putting you down on date three!!

sorry that happened OP, don’t let him dim your sparkle 🩷

nomas · 21/08/2025 12:53

MounjaroMounjaro · 21/08/2025 12:18

The smirk is what makes it unforgivable. He'd finished before you - I bet he ate everything, didn't he?

Yes, did he eat everything?

Not that him not clearing his plate means you shouldn't.

nomas · 21/08/2025 12:54

DelilahMy · 21/08/2025 12:18

OK, the way you describe it, I wouldn't even give that a second thought. In fact, I would have laughed. I honestly think he was happy to see that you had enjoyed it.

What I did find rude was my ex MIL say that I was 'still stuffing my face' once and overhearing her ask her husband to make sure mine was a 'small portion' as I had apparently had a huge sandwich for lunch.

I do not think he was rude at all and if he is otherwise nice, I would mention it to him (if you are still interested in him).

Why would he be happy she enjoyed it? It's not like he cooked it. Or have you assumed he paid for OP?

Darkdiamond · 21/08/2025 12:57

Red flag!

Original poster
Casseroledarling · 21/08/2025 13:03

Thank you all. Have felt weird about it today but didn’t want to think I was being sensitive. I’ve caught the ick now anyway and dont think it can be undone unfortunately.

OP posts:
Whatwouldnanado · 21/08/2025 13:04

Rude. Run. Did he finish all his??

YarrowYarrow · 21/08/2025 13:06

Somnambule · 21/08/2025 12:03

Any man who tries to make a woman feel embarrassed about eating is a dick.

This. I mean, just don't see him again if he thinks women on dates need to pretend they subsist on a leaf or two of lettuce, because they're Impressing a Man With Their Fragile Femininity.

mondaytosunday · 21/08/2025 13:07

Well I say that to my kids and it has no reference to their weight at all (both are normal build if anything my son is on the thin side - both adults). It’s more a comment on how hungry they were or how much they enjoyed the food!
If you were a size ten and he said it what would you think?

SirBasil · 21/08/2025 13:09

I don't put up with shit like that from anyone. I would have said: so have you.
Paid and left. And that would be that.