DS 16 debagged at school

[Atomsplitter]

My 16 year old year 12 student has just disclosed to me that he was debagged/pantsed by another student while on his recent D of E expedition. Luckily he managed to hold on to his underwear but still very embarrassing 😳 He also said that the same student has been trying to do the same in the common room at school. DS has to tie his shorts really tight to prevent him from pulling them down. AIBU to think this is sexual assault? This person is not his friend and is a bit of a dick according to DS. He has targeted others too apparently, some have been totally exposed. I want to contact the school but DS doesn't want me to and won't tell me the students name.

Ridiculous.

Of course it’s sexual assault.

If a man upskirted you and said he just wanted to see your pretty underwear would you daycare not sexual assault?!

Its definitely assault, surely what kind isn't relevant?

I want to do this but my DS is worried about repercussions I think as he refuses to tell me his name.

It would absolutely be regarded in school as a sexual assault.

Designated Safeguarding Lead needs to be informed immediately.

It’s not about what he said the excuse was - it’s about the actual motive. I didn’t write the law so tantrum at parliament 🙄😂

I think you should do it without a name. You have no idea who else has reported this and it may help to put a stop to it

I suspect some responses would be very different if your child were a girl, OP.
It's tricky if he doesn't want to report it. I would just support him, reassure him it's totally unacceptable and he should report it because this bully deserves consequences.

If you read KCSIE (Keeping Children Safe in education) which is the ultimate safeguarding guide, I've pasted below the last two points under the "peer on peer" abuse section which I think fits this situation...an act designed to humiliate. Someone did this to my ds when he was 11 but jot at school, luckily their parent agreed with me it was appalling behaviour and they were given sanctions. At 11 you can almost put it down to very poor judgement. Aged 17/18 it seems like an incredibly unpleasant (and frankly quite concerning) behaviour.

upskirting which typically involves taking a picture under a person’s
clothing without their permission, with the intention of viewing their genitals
or buttocks to obtain sexual gratification, or cause the victim humiliation,
distress, or alarm, and
• initiation/hazing type violence and rituals (this could include activities
involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a
person into a group and may also include an online element).

why would this not be classed as SA? If this lad did it to a random person in the street would it not be classed as SA? If this happened to a girl it would be SA surely.

I agree report to the police and school. It is definately assault. Sexual assault is assault motivated by sexual desires, so we have no way of know whether it is sexual assault, but regardless it is a criminal offence.

No, it would not be sexual assault in the street either.

Sexual assault is done for a sexual motive. Pantsing someone is (almost always) done to embarrass someone. There may be very, very rare occasions when it’s done for sexual gratification but there’s nothing at all in the OP to suggest that’s the case here.

If a girl lifted another girl’s skirt to show off her granny pants then that wouldn’t be sexual assault either.

If a boy exposed a girl’s genitals then it’d be far more likely to have a sexual motive and, therefore, be sexual assault.

Your poor son.
Make the call. Speak to his Head of Year and get their word on keeping your confidence. Pupil who did this at my school was excluded.

I don’t know if it’s SA (I assume it would be because if a stranger did this it would be).

But I would kick io a huge fuss over it.

I’m shocked this is happening in sixth form!

Be honest to the school and say he won’t tell you the name but you’ve heard he’s trying to do it to other students both male and female.
Ask the school to say that a student reported it or something.

Definitely buy your son some nice boxers too because if he does do it again, then you don’t want him suffering from even more embarrassment.

How on earth can you know what the motivation was???

You don't but you are 100% assuming it wasn't sexual?? 🤔

OP in my book this definitely could be a sexually motivated action, especially as the person has done it to other students as well. I think you have to escalate this to the school and report.

This is sexual assault. As other PP have said, if this was a boy doing this to a girl it would be considered SA. Just because it’s two boys doesn’t mean it’s not sexual.

I would contact the school and let them know if they didn’t deal with this seriously I would be contacting the police. Let them figure out if it’s sexual assault or not.

Why is someone trying to expose their victim’s private parts not sexual assault?

Report the assault to the police. They can decide how to categorise it. It is completely unacceptable and these are not young kids.

I’m unsure about the sexual assault aspect but I don’t claim to know the finer points of UK law.

But have I understood correctly that this boy is 18? That’s concerning. I certainly wouldn’t leave it to chance of it not happening again. Report it. This is humiliating for your son and you are right to approach the school.

This would be taken very seriously at every school that I have taught in.

Urgh I've teen boys and had to have several conversations over the years about this. They seem to think it bloody funny esp doing it to your brother at home - obviously not. Read them the riot act and put consequences in place.

Because you can’t assume a motivation that there’s no evidence of - it makes people look unstable and hysterical. OP could invent that the motivation was to get him to kill himself… It’s possible, it’s not likely. She’d look nuts if she told the school that the other boy attempted to kill her son.

If there’s absolutely no evidence at all of a sexual motivation then you can’t accuse of him of having one. No accusation without evidence is the default.

Jesus I hope you don’t work at a
school.

Then you respect dc and leave it.

Actually 100%. Of course it's sexual assault. "Sexual assault is when someone touches you sexually without your permission, with an object or body part."

"It's just high spirits/It's just teens/It's just Jimmy" (author, Esther Rantzen, of Jimmy Saville, in an interview about his multiple sexual assaults) is an excuse that's worn out.
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/populationandmigration/internationalmigration/bulletins/internationalmigrationenglandandwales/census2021

He's a pervert, and this behaviour will, not could, have long lasting repercussions on his victims

Put a stop to it, immediately