DS 16 debagged at school

[Atomsplitter]

My 16 year old year 12 student has just disclosed to me that he was debagged/pantsed by another student while on his recent D of E expedition. Luckily he managed to hold on to his underwear but still very embarrassing 😳 He also said that the same student has been trying to do the same in the common room at school. DS has to tie his shorts really tight to prevent him from pulling them down. AIBU to think this is sexual assault? This person is not his friend and is a bit of a dick according to DS. He has targeted others too apparently, some have been totally exposed. I want to contact the school but DS doesn't want me to and won't tell me the students name.

I would be interested to hear how do you deal with situations like this? How do you approach it? Thanks.

It's humiliation based on exposure of private parts (including underwear) normally covered in public and even in one's home, except for bedroom and bathroom.

I'd say there's a sexual aspect to this assault that is intended to be humiliating.

OP, I would contact the school immediately.

This happened to my 14 year DS and the person who pulled his trousers was suspended for a few days. Luckily a teacher caught it happening.

If he was doing this to a girl in the school you would class this as sexual assault and I don’t see how it is different because he’s doing it to a boy. You need to report this to the school.

So anyone who is under 18 and within the education system has to just put up with abuse from a peer? Your argument makes no sense. There are good reasons to do with safeguarding for not having kids wandering corridors/meeting up and vaping on the pretext of going to the toilet during lessons. There is no good reason for brushing peer on peer abuse under the carpet.

I'm a teacher and a student at my school was permanently excluded for doing this to another student. I would be stunned if the school didn't take it extremely seriously!

OP, I would also contact the adult in charge of the DoE expedition.

Yep, at DH’s school (early 90s) a 2nd or 3rd year did this to a first year, and the next day the first year’s older brother and his mates kicked the shit out of the bully directly in front of the staff room window. Quite the spectacle apparently. But obviously not seen as “harmless japes” even then, with much younger kids.

How anyone can think an adult doing this is all fun and games is beyond me.

I would report it as a concerned parent for all of the teenagers in the school.
Y

I have a DS in secondary school in the UK. This happened to him, school took it seriously. They phoned me before my son got home to tell me. They also suspended the culprit.
my son found it funny , and said lots of boys do it in PE. His classmate was only one to be seen by teacher. However l this could be really humiliating and upsetting for some. I am glad DS school took it seriously.

YANBU - I work in an all boys secondary school and we suspend boys who do this for that reason.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/cps/news/cps-sets-out-law-street-based-sexual-harassment

I know this talks about being in
public but I wonder if it’s that different in school?

But it’s an attempt to expose them without consent. If we pulled our own pants down on a train we would be in serious trouble and exposing ourselves in public but ok for someone to intentionally expose us ?

It is tricky.

What does your son do or say in this situation? Could he have a come back ready? A 'why are you so desperate to see my cock?' loudly might serve him well.

Jesus Christ does this actually matter?
she is going to the school, she doesn’t need to prove anything in a court of law. They will take it very seriously and certainly view it as a safeguarding concern (probably for both parties as this is not normal or acceptable behaviour, especially at that age)

Not RTFT but I would call this sexual assault. PP do know that rapists don’t rape you because they fancy you right??

Don't try to gag posters whose children have quite possibly been sexually assaulted, and don't presume to know why the perpetrator committed these potentially sexual acts.

This is a police matter.
Inform the school that you have informed the police of a sexual assault on the trip.
Your poor son.

Precisely. Well said

It’s sexual assault.
FFS This thread.
report to the school. It is likely he is on their radar anyway or teachers have seen something. It’s disgusting behaviour and should not be tolerated. Ever.

And this, my friends, is what we in the legal profession call "bollocks"

There does currently seem to be a trend for ‘pantsing’ amongst teen boys. My son’s school sent a letter home at the end of term stating that any incidents would be taken seriously and asking parents to speak to their kids about it. Hopefully your son’s school is also aware - I’m sure it’s on their radar. He should be able to speak to or email his pastoral rep or head of year to ensure it’s dealt with.

Report it to the Designated Safeguarding Lead at school. Let them decide how to define the assault.
In this case you should follow your own judgement rather than your son's. This behaviour needs to be dealt with.

totally agree with this..

It's not sexual assault but it's not acceptable either.

BUT, your DS isn't the only target, this isn't personal. Some teacher needs to see it or be tipped off.

You can't weigh in and embarrass your son further and risk the shame and public knowledge of a school investigation. He is at worst humiliated, and he kept his underwear on (well done!!). He is not a child. A 16-year-old male is not a baby. Although also is. But - you have to be guided by him.

The motive for trying to pull someone’s underwear down against their will to expose their genitals?