AIBU to make my adult son’s lunchbox?

[wheretoyougonow]

Normally I wouldn’t be doing this for him but just interested to know if you think I’m BU by doing this in these circumstances. I am going to bullet point my reasons for ease of reading.

~ I’m disabled and can not contribute to the household as I used to. On my son's days off he is very good at helping with housework/cooking.
~ My son has lived away at uni so I know he can be independent. He doesn’t expect this as standard but is grateful.
~ He is working 12 hour shifts and is on his feet all day. He comes home and wakes up shattered.

I suppose it makes me think I’m doing something nice for him as he does so much for me but am I mothering him
too much?

Pretty much this.

@wheretoyougonow , sounds like you've raised a wonderful and capable young man - kind, thoughtful and hardworking.

I imagine you're pretty awesome yourself, and this will just be another lovely thing you do for him.

Crack on!

Go for it OP.

No doubt I will be shot down in flames but I’ve been with my husband for nearly 30 years and I have made him his packed lunch for every one of his working days since we started living together.

it’s a small thing I do for the man I love!

YANBU. You do this as an act of love to show your son that you care, and to make his day a little bit easier. We all need some of that in our lives. It would be a different story if he was a layabout who is incapable of fending for himself and expects you to run around after him because you’re a woman and therefore it must be your job

Nonsense! I'm an adult daughter whose dad regularly cooks for her and I accept it every time. My last delivery was last week, so I'm due now actually 🤨.

I think it's a lovely thing to do, and I'm sure he appreciates it.

If he's happy with it I think it's a lovely thing to do to show thanks for the help he gives you.

Get a grip! Her son cooks and cleans for her yet she can't make him a packed lunch to save him time and money in your world. Ridiculous!

Lucky you, you must not encounter as many dependent adult males as I do. Anyway, just a thought and opinion. Keep it classy!

I'm with you op. Sounds like a lovely family.
Years ago my dh used to do early starts and I always used to get up with him and make his packed lunch. Some of my friends thought I was a mug but I did it because I wanted to, I am a very early riser. I used to know a lady whose dh had gone to work and she hadn't seen him before he left and he got killed in a car crash, obviously terribly sad but she said she really regretted not saying goodbye even though the outcome would have been the same, and I used to think of that occasionally.

I wouldn't. I like the suggesting of taking him out instead.

He should be contributing to cooking/cleaning as standard anyway if he's living with you and it doesn't take long to make a packed lunch, even if you are tired. It's a good habit to get into and I wouldn't want it to become an expectation in the future.

It's actually refreshing to see a mum on Mumsnet, speaking so highly of their adult child who is genuinely kind and helpful. If you're happy to make a lunchbox for him, it's not an issue at all.

And how is the avalanche of dependent adult males in your life relevant to OP's situation?

She is a disabled woman, her adult son is a compenent adult who does his share, and in their household this seems to be part of reasonable division of work.
It's not practical for them to consider it the token of son's ability.

Thanks for your thoughts.

YANBU. First of all, it only matters if you and your son are happy with the situation. Secondly, I'm sure your son appreciates it and feels happy when he opens his lunch.Thirdly, sounds like its good for your mental health and sense of contributing to the household. I see zero downsides here.

I'd give anything for my mum to be able to make me a sandwich so keep doing it as long as you are physically able and I'm sure your son will treasure the memories forever

I make my DD's lunch for her too. I just check the evening before what she would like. She is 19 and works long hours, holding down two jobs, so I really don't mind doing this for her.

You and your son both sound like lovely people. 🤗

@wheretoyougonow

My 21 year old son is home from uni for the summer. He works evening shifts at a supermarket. I batch cook things like spag bol/chilli to take with him for his evening break.

I"ll pack him off in a few weeks with a bag full of home made meals.
I'm a foster carer so at home and would be cooking anyway.
He does his bit round the house, does his own laundry and sorts his other meals out. He will stay in with the foster child so I can get a break for a few hours.
Its just a bit of give and take.
If you're both happy with it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I make my 22 year old ds a packed lunch. I don't even think twice about it tbh! He's just graduated and perfectly capable of doing it himself but it's not bother for me. He is helpful in lots of ways and has to get up at 5am for work.

You have read too much MN and gone down a "must be equal" rabbit hole.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing things out of love, because you want to, for family members.

You can see the family member works long hours and is very tired, but still pulls their weight around the home. Why wouldnt you do something, if you could, to make their lives easier?

The OP clearly stated that she lives with 3 males who do 95% of the household stuff. Should they do 100% or should she do the 5%. Clearly part of that is making a packed lunch that takes her minutes, she is able to do it, gives her a sense she is contributing and it gives her pleasure . She has raised a hard working young man, who does his fair share. She should be proud of him he sounds like great husband material. I'm sure he doesn't expect it or would complain if she didn't do it. Some of you really need to give your head a wobble and realise what team work is

I make my sons when he's home from Uni and off to work, I make my daughters too and my husbands it's a nice way to show you care and something you enjoy doing - I'm sure it's thoroughly appreciated

I think its completely normal. I lived at home til i was 25 and most days mam did everyone's packed lunch, because why exclude someone.

When I putting the washing in I did everyone's, when dad did the dishes he did everyone's. If DS pulls his weight with chores its fine if one of your contributions is packed lunches.

Equal shares doesn't necessarily mean splitting every task down the middle and everybody doing their own thing. Maybe in a house share, but in a family, ime, people help each other out. When my ds's were at home , they did what they could to help out. Whether that was cleaning , washing up, shopping, it all got done and everyone took a share. Whoever did the laundry , did everyone's clothes so that we weren't running the machine half empty. DH lives ironing, so that was his job. Everyone cooked. I made packed Lucas I was usually first one up and was doing mine anyway.
Now that both DC have left home, they both do all the cooking in their homes, as well as a fair share of all other tasks. One is a police officer and batch cooks on his rest days. I work so my DH does the childcare for our two dgc, aged 1 and 6. For us, family is about everyone doing what they can to keep it all running smoothly, I think my family succeeds in that aim and it sounds as though OP's family does too.

But why were you against OP making sandwiches for her son?

I do this for my 20 year old.

Who gives a 💩 what anybody else thinks?

This notion that our children turn 18 and get left to do and deal with everything by themselves baffles me. My child will always be that, my child, regardless of age if I can make his life a little easier why would I?!