AIBU to make my adult son’s lunchbox?

[wheretoyougonow]

Normally I wouldn’t be doing this for him but just interested to know if you think I’m BU by doing this in these circumstances. I am going to bullet point my reasons for ease of reading.

~ I’m disabled and can not contribute to the household as I used to. On my son's days off he is very good at helping with housework/cooking.
~ My son has lived away at uni so I know he can be independent. He doesn’t expect this as standard but is grateful.
~ He is working 12 hour shifts and is on his feet all day. He comes home and wakes up shattered.

I suppose it makes me think I’m doing something nice for him as he does so much for me but am I mothering him
too much?

My Dad used to make me "home made ready meals" when I was on a gruelling bit of rota early in my career.

(Basically leftovers in a box, that I could freeze/ put in fridge so I got more nutritious food than the chiller cabinet provided).

I really appreciated it, made me feel loved and looked after. It didn't signify that I was lazy or incapable simply that I was busy, he had the time and wanted to do something nice for me. He would probably still be doing it now if he was still alive.

You are not being at all unreasonable. It’s a lovely thing to do. Preparing food for the people they love is a way many show care and affection.

Possibly the most ridiculous thing I've read in a while.

And?

Let's say you're right.

That woman wouldn't have to marry him.

Or she could say no.

Or perhaps he'll just have a kind, caring and respectful reciprocal relationship like he does with his mum.

It's absolutely fine! It's kind and can part of living with other people. When I was housesharing as a student and in my early 20s, I would often make packed lunch for my housemates. But they would do things for me/the house. We all chipped in and did things for each other and the house.

How do you know? He may be a perfectly well balanced person who appreciates his mum

I lived back at home for a while after uni and my mum did things for me, it had literally no affect on my ability to do those things now

If course it's okay, you are both helping each other which is what family is all about 😊

Oh dear. Best not cook my adult son dinner when I’m cooking for DH and myself or pop his washing in the dryer while I’m bimbling about. Might lead to “issues” like kindness or caring for others.

When both of you are helping each other that is absolutely fine. It would be different if you made his lunch, did his washing, cooked dinner, did the laundry and all the cleaning. That is coddling too far. I think your household sounds very loving ,Op.

Can you imagine the logistics of living in a house with a family and everyone does every single thing for themselves. Like those people that do the washing up but only the things they have used. Everyone would have to go shopping separately. Life just isn't like that.

My 23 year old son is at home and I (or dh if he’s doing them), make his packed lunch as I am making my two younger children’s for school/holiday clubs/days out anyway. He’s very appreciative of it and often tells me how grateful he is for everything.

It’s not turning him into an entitled little man child.

You don't seem to have understood the Op post her son does things in the house his mum makes him a lunch, nowhere does that post scream "babying" your post just looks bitter and a bit of projection.

It is nice (if he is fine with it). When peole talk about adult kids living home, it is about the big picture. Parents are allowed to do nice things.

Op it sounds lovely and your son sounds a really nice man you have done well by the sounds of it, any future partner will have a good one.

If you want to baby your adult kids then fine but I expect they will have issues in future relationships

What an odd thing to say. So, if you got home tired after a 12 hour shift and said to your partner "oh, make me a cuppa please its been a really long day" and they snapped at you "certainly not- you're a grown adult, make it yourself" you'd think that was a perfectly reasonable answer since technically its true right? LMAO

OP- you sound lovely and so does your son. There is a huge difference between babying someone and doing something nice for another human being.

@ThisAquaWriter

Don't be ridiculous. Relationships are about teamwork. You help each other. He does the things his Mum can't do, she does things he can do but she can also do so he isn't doing everything. Dividing jobs.

Not at all and even grown up independent children like and deserve a bit of mothering and your son sounds like he fits the bill

Exactly this. Being part of a family is reciprocal care for each other surely- can you imagine what kind of bloody miserable existence it would be if everyone in the house only ever did things for themselves. They only made their own separate dinners, only cleaned up the parts of the house that they used, only did their own laundry, only made their side of the bed and left the other side messy 😂😂. petty AF

That’s how I see it.

By reading some of the threads on here, all adults in the house should be doing their own washing, cleaning and cooking.

There are 4 adults (me, dh and two over 18 children) and our 2 younger children in my house, I cannot imagine the carnage that would create. I really, really don’t feel like some sort of martyr because I pick up the dirty washing basket from the bathroom each morning and sling it in the washing machine, then sling it in the dryer. It takes seconds. If everyone did their own washing, it would be on all
the bloody time for little bits, there would be washing baskets all over the house.

Same with cooking, dh is the cook and he will do one big meal for everyone for dinner, if you aren’t in, yours goes in the fridge for later. Everything gets put in the dishwasher throughout the day and it goes on at night and dh unloads while he’s pottering about making coffee for work in the mornings.

Life is far simpler this way. We are a family, not flatmates. We do things the easiest and less messy way.

Actually I've remembered that my ex used to make my packed lunch for a period of time as he was an early riser and I was sorting out young children before work.

Is that OK by you or is it only a problem if the it's a woman making the lunch, what if it was her daughter?

how is it any different to making someone dinner? The OPs son helps her out and she helps him out. That is surely the essence of family life? They are a team.

I think it's lovely. We all show love in different ways.