AIBU to make my adult son’s lunchbox?

[wheretoyougonow]

Normally I wouldn’t be doing this for him but just interested to know if you think I’m BU by doing this in these circumstances. I am going to bullet point my reasons for ease of reading.

~ I’m disabled and can not contribute to the household as I used to. On my son's days off he is very good at helping with housework/cooking.
~ My son has lived away at uni so I know he can be independent. He doesn’t expect this as standard but is grateful.
~ He is working 12 hour shifts and is on his feet all day. He comes home and wakes up shattered.

I suppose it makes me think I’m doing something nice for him as he does so much for me but am I mothering him
too much?

😂 ok !

You sound a really sour person I doubt that there are many grown men in your life

🤣

I put some leftover curry in a tupperware box for DP yesterday, I didn't realise I was mothering and infantilising him.

The OP's son pulls his weight in the house, it's all good.

It sounds perfectly reasonable.

Letting children sort their own lunchboxes is a good way to hand over some responsibility to them. Your son is a responsible adult and you both know it, you are happy with the work he contributes to the household. He doesn't need to demonstrate his adultness by preparing his own lunchbox, as a group of adults can divide the house work as it works for you.

As long as it does not become a default expectation, then fine. Your son if he struggles with 12 hours shifts (which I think should be an exception) should be seeking another job if at all possible.

Households of adults, even unrelated adults but especially related ones, split chores in different ways. Doing something you can do easily and without trouble and getting reciprocal help with other tasks is a completely different scenario from saying “bunnykins is a precious prince so mummykins makes the sandwiches and if bunnykins gets married he will need to be waited upon”. Some people will forever think that children young adults are literally incapable of doing things if they aren’t constantly doing them. It’s bizarre. Of course he can make his own lunch. I can empty my own bins and wash my own windows but I often dump it on one of the other members of the household. I do most of the laundry and cooking but almost none of the washing up, dishwasher emptying or vacuuming. Nobody would ever comment that I, an older woman, should do absolutely everything in my household as I am an adult and capable but it’s open season on anyone aged approx 12-28.

Things made with love are the best ... even a packed lunch!

Oh dear "triggered women" what misogynistic thing to say, I also have adult children with jobs houses and even partners I don't think me making them dinner or lunch when they lived here as young adults affected their independence, I assume you didn't do any of that for your young adult children which is fine that doesn't mean other mothers are weak or triggered for being nice to their children.

Given that her son does the bulk of the housework the Op is hardly a slave to her family either...

I happily made lunches for everyone of any age in my house who needed one. BUT. They all contributed to the running of our family community according to their age and ability. They didn’t take it for granted. It fit easily into my working day. They would capably and willingly do it themselves if it wasn’t convenient for me. It made me happy.

Do you have any reading skills at all? Context is all! Mum is disabled, son helps her a lot around the house; this is one small thing it is easy for her to do for him. It is reciprocal kindness!

You seem rather triggered yourself 🫢😂

Sound similar to my son really. Currently on a work placement with uni has been for a year. Back to uni for final year next month.
My DS leaves home 7.20am returns 8pmish.
I have been doing all his washing and cooking during the week as he too is exhausted. After long days. At weekend he sorts himself out. It is normal for mums to mother isn't it! My son would do errands for me or whatever I ask really. We should be proud we have brought up decent men.

You do know it’s not just women, right?

My dh does the cooking and cleaning too, it’s not just me. He also makes dinner for our two adult children (he cooks for all of us). He will also put the washing in if he gets to it before me, cleans, and shock horror, he will also make my 23 year old ds lunch for work.

It’s just being a family, not just being a woman.

Lol whenever I go home my mum makes my packed lunch for the train! Same as she made me for school - Ham and cheese salad sandwich, Jam sandwich (pudding), fruit and a juice. I think it’s really sweet.

He is working 12 hours, he is cleaning the house on his days off, he is contributing and by the sounds of it really helping you with stuff you can’t do - I think it’s fine for you to make him a lunch. I doubt he will “expect it” from his future partner, but to be honest when my DH did 12 hour shifts I used to pack him lunch because I know how shit a 12 hour shift is - it’s nice to have a lunch packed. Saves you money and also (for me anyway) makes me feel like someone cares.

Families help each other out. It's lovely.

My Mum always loved making packed lunches. She made me them well into my adulthood when I visited by train. Cheese and pickle sandwiches with the crusts cut off and other little treats. I miss them. Actually I think I have been triggered by this thread.

I’m a 36 year old teacher, and whenever I go to my mums for Sunday lunch, she always makes me a packed lunch to take to work the next day!

I used to do both my DS’s lunch boxes as well as DH, I now only do DS’s I do have the time, but at least twice a week I get him a salad or a ready made sandwich he is very appreciative and tells me just to let him know if I no longer want to carry on doing so and he will buy his lunch en route.

Sounds lovely. My teenage sons have gone away for a few days and I've totally deep cleaned their rooms as a surprise for them. They're fab kids and often do things like washing the dishes without being asked or making me an unexpected cuppa. Families are give and take, sounds like yous have made a nice balance. So long as no one takes the piss or makes it all a one way street, it's good to help eachother.