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Original poster

To have been half naked in front of other children?

672 replies

BrieEncounter · 20/08/2025 10:29

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

OP posts:
chachahide · 20/08/2025 12:08

At my gym the women’s changing room has kids in it all the time, everyone changes as normal! Not parading around but yes there are naked women.

she’s being ridiculous.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 20/08/2025 12:09

I don't think she should have brought her boys into the female changeing room if she was worried about them seeing female bodies.

Goldbar · 20/08/2025 12:09

Totally inappropriate of her to confront you like that. I'm surprised you weren't angrier. If someone had confronted me and been aggressive when I was in a vulnerable position in a state of undress putting my top on (and therefore couldn't easily leave and get away from them), I would have been very angry indeed.

In your shoes, I'd be making a complaint to the gym about that woman's behaviour. Having children with you is not an excuse for harassing others.

HotCrossBunplease · 20/08/2025 12:09

JustMyView13 · 20/08/2025 12:00

I have never understood the nakedness in gym changing rooms. It’s so easy to change discretely.
Fair play for the body confidence and all that, but it’s not for me.

That said, she should’ve been in the family changing room - I accept the vast majority are more comfortable with the nakedness in changing rooms than I am. But also, you should be more aware of your surroundings.
Probably nothing will come of this all.

I think you mean “change discreetly”.

“Changing discretely” means changing in a way that is completely separate from everyone else and that was literally impossible without cubicles, and in fact the whole point of this thread!

(I also disagree that it’s easy or necessary to change discreetly).

flippertygibbet4 · 20/08/2025 12:10

Iamwhoiamwhoareyou · 20/08/2025 12:02

If there were 8 year old boys in the female family area I would have either not changed there or have been discrete - is there a reason you couldn’t turn your back to the boys so they didn’t get an eyeful? 8 isn’t that young but still forced to change with parents. I suspect the tone of this thread would be different if a male exposed himself in front of an 8 year old girl. You didn’t do anything “wrong” but it was avoidable. They were also there first so likely had their stuff laid out and were mid change when you arrived.

This is unfair. If a dad took his young daughter into the men's family changing area rather than a cubicle, you couldn't criticise a man getting undressed/dressed and revealing a bit of nakedness. It doesn't matter that it's a family area. You could be the dad in the men's family area, or the mum in the women's family area, and you are still entitled to show parts of your body. It's a changing room. If you don't want to see nudity, or show your own body naked, then you use a cubicle.

I suspect the complaining woman wouldn't have complained if OP had had children with her.

TheSummerof25 · 20/08/2025 12:11

I try to limit the amount of exposure but I do get fully naked.

Theres a lady at my gym who is so confident uses the one DL issue towel for her HAIR after her shower and walks from the shower to the changing bench butt naked. She has no hesitation in starting a length conversation with you either whilst in this state of undress!

flippertygibbet4 · 20/08/2025 12:11

Also, OP didn't "expose" herself. She was changing!

StarlightLady · 20/08/2025 12:12

flippertygibbet4 · 20/08/2025 12:06

She's being ridiculous. Surely she has boobs too? If she doesn't want to see any nudity from others, she should go into a cubicle. You did nothing wrong.

“Surely she has boobs too?”. I doubt it 😀. No idea how she came to get pregnant or give birth.

Excuse the lighthearted response OP, but this woman is bonkers!

Edited to correct typo.

TheSummerof25 · 20/08/2025 12:12

My sons use the men’s changing room with their Dad. But if I had a little girl I imagine I’d get dad to use the family change with them.

Goditsmemargaret · 20/08/2025 12:12

How dare she shout at you and imply you're some kind of pervert? If she wants to shield her children she should have kept them away from group changing.

You poor thing. I would have been really rattled in your shoes. I hope you're feeling better now.

Years ago I started going to the local gym before work. I had been going to different gyms for over a decade and used to seeing women strolling around naked. My office required us to be formally presented so I always had a tailored dress hanging up in my locker which I would take out and hang outside the shower to take any new creases out of. After my shower I'd put on my underwear; nothing weird - bra and full briefs and blow-dry my hair and do my makeup. It was part of my routine. Then last thing the dress after tights and shoes - so I didn't get crumpled. I went five mornings a week, I'd see the same faces exchange hellos etc. It was quite quiet but had great fitness facilities. I loved it.

Well I'm sure you know where this is going. Two women appeared one morning, recognisable to me but not very regular. They bitched relentlessly about me while I dried my hair. At first I couldn't hear them because of the blower but they were making such a point with their body language I switched it off for a moment and heard them. So I asked "is something wrong?" I honestly wondered if I'd taken a booked locker or something but no it was the standing around naked.

I finished up getting ready and didn't rush. I wasn't going to be bullied. But I will admit I was shaky and shed a few tears on the walk to the office. I checked with staff and they said no problem with my behaviour at all. I felt like I had massively misread appropriate behaviour. It's a horrible feeling.

Weekmindedfool · 20/08/2025 12:12

People don’t understand the trauma that a brief glimpse of boob can do to an impressionable 8 yo mind. Can you imagine the thoughts that now must be going through their head? The nitemares? OP what’s done is done but I now suggest you offer to do the right thing and pay for the children’s counselling. It’s the least you can do under such horrendous circumstances.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/08/2025 12:13

Thebigonesgetaway · 20/08/2025 11:30

Surprised at the responses, I wonder if it was a man who exposed himself in front of young girls if the responses would be the same, I think clearly it was done without thought, but personally I’d have moved to the adult only area if there was children there,

How on earth is getting discreetly changed in a women's communal changing room where there aren't any cubicles 'exposing' herself?

If a man took his daughter into a men's communal changing room at a swimming pool, the men getting changed wouldn't be 'exposing' themselves either.

Brefugee · 20/08/2025 12:13

LadybugsAndSunshine · 20/08/2025 11:08

Another one hear that thinks the woman overreacted but i personally wouldn’t have got undressed in the same area as someone else’s children.
I’ve also never seen anyone naked in a changing room, mine local pool has cubicles.

the onus is on the boy mum to take him to a place that isn't for women. There is a family room.
If you take a boy in the women's you are going to see naked women. If that is going to send you batshit, don't go in there.

A lot of posters here would die where i live. Germans get non-sexually naked at the drop of a hat.

LizzyEm · 20/08/2025 12:14

Not unreasonable. She should have been in the family area.

LlynTegid · 20/08/2025 12:16

You were reasonable. The woman concerned will not be bringing up her sons in the best way. I can imagine them becoming the kind who will stare at women on the bus or train.

Weekmindedfool · 20/08/2025 12:17

LizzyEm · 20/08/2025 12:14

Not unreasonable. She should have been in the family area.

Why? What damage was done?

QuaintPanda · 20/08/2025 12:17

FWIW, as a mum of an 8-year old boy, I would have taken him into a cubicle with me so it wasn’t uncomfortable for the ladies changing in the changing room.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/08/2025 12:19

Meandmyguy · 20/08/2025 11:35

Is the adults section for people who want to flash a tit?

Did you turn your back when putting your bra on?

I'm no prude but I would not be getting my baps out in front of children.

Is getting dressed after swimming in a communal women's changing room after swimming now called 'wanted to flash a tit'?

'Tits' and 'baps' sound like the terminology in the 'ladz mags' of the 1990s. Juvenile and demeaning to women.

Weekmindedfool · 20/08/2025 12:19

Brefugee · 20/08/2025 12:13

the onus is on the boy mum to take him to a place that isn't for women. There is a family room.
If you take a boy in the women's you are going to see naked women. If that is going to send you batshit, don't go in there.

A lot of posters here would die where i live. Germans get non-sexually naked at the drop of a hat.

Show quote history

Exactly. This entire thread is about British prudishness nothing more. And all coming from the ones who start their posts with “I’m
not a prude but…”

rainbowunicorn · 20/08/2025 12:19

SunflowerLife · 20/08/2025 10:40

I wouldn't have got naked in front of other kids, no. I'm not saying you acted maliciously and I'm not a prude but but I don't understand why you wouldn't have preferred privacy if other options were available. I don't think I've ever seen anyone naked in a changing area, are there no cubicles?

The OP gives a very clear description of the changing facilities. Why are you asking if tbere were cubicles? I think it is more unusual to have gyms or pools that have individual cubicles to be honest.

dippy567 · 20/08/2025 12:20

Bonkers, you were getting changed in a changing room. Doesn't sound like you did anything inappropriate. I've seen women blow dry their hair totally starkers...I'm way too body conscious to do that, but wish I had that confidence!

She should have gone to family bit.

In france and me and women just strip off on the beach to get changed with lots of families around. Nothing sexual or exhibitionist about it....just a means to an end!!

jessycake · 20/08/2025 12:20

I think she is being unreasonable , if you want privacy and not to see anyone undressed you take your kids to the local pool that has cubicles.

CatsorDogsrule · 20/08/2025 12:20

Personally, I would have turned my back to the children, or any stranger for that matter. However, you did nothing wrong and she really overreacted. Hopefully you'll be reassured by the manager soon.

WearyAuldWumman · 20/08/2025 12:21

Goditsmemargaret · 20/08/2025 12:12

How dare she shout at you and imply you're some kind of pervert? If she wants to shield her children she should have kept them away from group changing.

You poor thing. I would have been really rattled in your shoes. I hope you're feeling better now.

Years ago I started going to the local gym before work. I had been going to different gyms for over a decade and used to seeing women strolling around naked. My office required us to be formally presented so I always had a tailored dress hanging up in my locker which I would take out and hang outside the shower to take any new creases out of. After my shower I'd put on my underwear; nothing weird - bra and full briefs and blow-dry my hair and do my makeup. It was part of my routine. Then last thing the dress after tights and shoes - so I didn't get crumpled. I went five mornings a week, I'd see the same faces exchange hellos etc. It was quite quiet but had great fitness facilities. I loved it.

Well I'm sure you know where this is going. Two women appeared one morning, recognisable to me but not very regular. They bitched relentlessly about me while I dried my hair. At first I couldn't hear them because of the blower but they were making such a point with their body language I switched it off for a moment and heard them. So I asked "is something wrong?" I honestly wondered if I'd taken a booked locker or something but no it was the standing around naked.

I finished up getting ready and didn't rush. I wasn't going to be bullied. But I will admit I was shaky and shed a few tears on the walk to the office. I checked with staff and they said no problem with my behaviour at all. I felt like I had massively misread appropriate behaviour. It's a horrible feeling.

I'm so sorry. There's no way that you should have been put through that.

LizzyEm · 20/08/2025 12:21

Weekmindedfool · 20/08/2025 12:17

Why? What damage was done?

Show quote history

She didn't want her kids seeing adults getting changed so she should have had her BOYS in the childrens changing area. Not the women's changing area.

The women's changing area isn't really for boys is it? That's what the communal family area is for, which is why she should have used it and not accused the op of being inappropriate in an area that she was using appropriately.

Children don't need to be everywhere.