To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

You are a female changing in the female changing room. She was batshit

No she needs to protect her children not you. She should have done as you suggested. Now her children are probably concerned about nudity due to her over reaction.

You were definitely not unreasonable here. Surely, you expect the possbility of seeing a naked body when using a communal changing room!
The other woman is, however, completely unreasonable. If you take boys over toddler age into the ladies changing room you should be using a cubicle in my opinion. Not because it's shameful for women to have bodies but to respect their privacy when changing.
I actually think 8 is far too old to be hanging about in the communal area of a women's changing room. But regardless, they are her children and her responsibility. If she doesn't want them in the communal area she should use the cubicle not expect other people to keep covered up.

She shouldn’t have changed in open changing if she wasn’t comfortable and and 8 the boy should not have been in the ladies anyway

You did nothing wrong.

She's a complete arsehole.
Reacting as she did sends a terrible message to her 8 year old son.

And a designated family room closed off from other women. It sounds like there was space for her and her kids, just not her friend too.

Ps try going to Germany, naked swimming is common!

Yeah, and the worst bit is that it's really hard not to laugh too 😂

OP wasn't "exposing" herself, she was getting changed in the appropriate changing room. If other people bring their children in their rather than use the family changing room, then they can expect to see naked women.

A man shouldn't be in the women's changing room. If you're in the women's changing room, you know that women are going to be changing in there.

When I get changed at the gym, I try not to expose the world to my unlovely 65 yr old body, but it's not possible to hide everything all the time.

There are two showers in cubicles and no other cubicles in the changing area. The unwritten rule is that you don't hog the cubicles if someone else is waiting for a shower.

I'd expect that I might encounter girls in the women's changing room. I wouldn't expect to encounter boys, particularly when there are family cubicles available in a separate area.

I have never understood the nakedness in gym changing rooms. It’s so easy to change discretely.
Fair play for the body confidence and all that, but it’s not for me.

That said, she should’ve been in the family changing room - I accept the vast majority are more comfortable with the nakedness in changing rooms than I am. But also, you should be more aware of your surroundings.
Probably nothing will come of this all.

The OP was in an appropriate changing area, the mother and the friend should have been in the family area with the children. The OP wasn't initially bothered about the kids that's why she didn't use the adult only area.

Being shocked at nakedness in a changing room is mental. The mum and her friend must have got changed too?

If there were 8 year old boys in the female family area I would have either not changed there or have been discrete - is there a reason you couldn’t turn your back to the boys so they didn’t get an eyeful? 8 isn’t that young but still forced to change with parents. I suspect the tone of this thread would be different if a male exposed himself in front of an 8 year old girl. You didn’t do anything “wrong” but it was avoidable. They were also there first so likely had their stuff laid out and were mid change when you arrived.

Completely ridiculous. It’s a changing room! She needs to relax- they’re just boobs! Jees what does she do when women are breastfeeding?!

You did nothing wrong.

I agree (though I thought this happened in the family changing area).

The woman was silly. You were changing, not 'flashing'. Kids see a lot more than that when away on holiday.

Have this woman's children never seen her part naked? It sounds ridiculously prudish, were the little boys right beside you, staring and giggling or just getting on with their day?

If anything you could counter complain about boys in the female only area, if she is going to be funny about it. Particularly if there is a family area she could have used. Attack is the best form of defence!

Tbh I’m a creature of habit, so I also always get changed in the same spot. Wouldn’t have occurred to me to move. It’s your boobs at the end of the day, they’re not a sex organ. You were obviously trying to cover yourself to an extent and if you were a flasher or a nonce you wouldn’t have done that. This woman’s extreme reaction probably comes from a place of hurt though so I do feel sorry for her.

She was making a lot of fuss about nothing. Clearly her children are going to have major problems in the future.

For what it’s worth l was brought up in France due to dad’s job. Mum (now deceased) used to go topless on the beach with sister and l.

If I was trying to get a couple of kids dried and changed I wouldn’t have noticed what anyone else was doing. So no, you are not being unreasonable .

OP wasn't skipping around waving her boobs about, she was getting changed.
OP was entirely aware of her surroundings - a room where women get changed after swimming. It wasn't up to her to wrestle with her bra under a towel so that children did not see her breasts.

I'd assume the adults only section is for the benefit of adults who don't want to be disturbed or gawped at by children. It doesn't mean that the rest of the women's changing room is an area where women can't get changed for fear of upsetting children.
It is tricky with boys, I had 3, and the oldest was big and tall for his age which meant that from the age of 6 I was getting side-eyed for taking him into the women's changing room. So I impressed upon him that he was not to make a noise or stare or even look at anyone else. As soon as his next brother was old enough to change himself, I sent them both off into the mens together. But you can't send a small boy alone into the men's area, and so there is a bit of conundrum once the oldest boy reaches 6 or so.
That doesn't mean that women should not get changed in the women's changing room, or that they should cover up whilst doing so. Lots of women shower naked. There are going to be at least flashes of bums and boobs, and anyone taking their sons into women's changing rooms needs to under that is a concession, and they need to teach their sons to behave appropriately. Or are we saying that even in women's designated spaces, males take priority?

She's being ridiculous. Surely she has boobs too? If she doesn't want to see any nudity from others, she should go into a cubicle. You did nothing wrong.

Thinking about it more I would expect anyone getting completely naked to use the adult only area - I know it’s a changing room but I manage to get changed without flashing anything to anyone, you know, the whole under towel dance! Same for my kids.