To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

You’ve done nothing wrong.

I’m just on my way there now. Will have a chat to the Manager if I can and see what they say

the onus is on the boy mum to take him to a place that isn't for women. There is a family room.

Exactly so. If you’re in a female changing room, you’re going to see female bodies. That’s what it’s there for - for women to dress and undress. She was completely unreasonable.

If my DH took our DC to a communal changing room, I would think he was a bit batshit if he then complained about another man getting changed in there.
This is why family changing rooms exist.

I understand why she might not want her male children to see female nudity, but in a communal open plan changing room for women, it's on her to prevent that happening, not you. She should have used the family area. YWNBU.

yanbu the other woman is being ridiculous.

YANBU, the other woman is a little bit odd!

DL changing rooms are open plan with only a small number of cubicles, it’s completely normal to be at least partially naked whilst changing.

The adult only area in the gym I attend is small and as far away as possible from the pool entrance so I never use it.

To be honest, I get irritated by noisy kids messing around in the changing rooms but I’d never complain, I just mind my own business and get changed! I try to stay mostly covered, no one wants to see my 70’s bush but I’ll drop my towel to put a bra on, they are only boobs!

Personally, I don’t think children beyond the age of 3ish should be changing in a changing room of the opposite gender if there are family facilities available. It’s a safeguarding issue but you weren’t the problem: they were.

It's a gym changing room. I hate open plan changing, but those that don't and use it are perfectly within their rights to strip naked and not try and cover anything. The only way YABU is if you've not revealed that you whooshed your towel to spin around your ears whilst waggling your hips provocatively. You're fine. Crack on.

I find the mum's reaction very odd. Some people are odd. Maybe she ensures she's always dressed in front of her child - very odd.

I went camping at the weekend and walked into the female toilets and a woman was stripping off totally for the shower. I was more paranoid about her proximity to the open door than anything else! YANBU!

The woman is crazy. The general changing area is for everyone and if she didn’t want her son to glimpse a naked body she should go into the family area. I hope the gym sets her right.

YWNBU.

But she wasn't at the beach with no facilities, she was in a changing room with a designated area for families? [so why not use it]

so there it is. I am the "fixed that for you" person today. You're welcome

Am on your side. You weren't naked or flashing,you had put your shorts on under a towel.. woman best not take her kids to Sweden or where they might see topless sunbathing! I used to go to a local pool, ladies section and a lot of folk,all ages, didn't bother with cubicles.

If you take children in a changing room of a gym then they will see naked women. Don’t like it, then don’t take them there. If you don’t want them to see naked women then find a leisure centre where there are separate cubicles for everyone. This is not the case in most private gyms.

My Virgin gym is full of half naked women every day. My kids don’t bat an eyelid, because we don’t make any deal of it. And we expect to see that.

The woman is batshit. I would make a complaint about her to the gym - ask them to let her know that people are entitled to get changed in the changing rooms without being falsely accused of flashing.

I really worry about her effect on that boy (and her friend’s child) with a Mum carrying on like that in front of him, about parts of the female body in a completely non-sexualised context.

Perhaps the OP dosent want to get changed in front of random adult men. She was changing in a female changing area. There was family changing available. Why does OP have to change her behaviour in a female space?
Presumably if a father has taken his young female child into a male changing room he would have done so knowing that there would be a high likelihood of naked males. That's kind of how changing spaces work.

The designated area for adults is for adults who would like a private area with no children in their way.

It does not mean that anyone without children must use it. They are also welcome to use the middle area, as long as they don’t mind being alongside children.

Even so - children might see the odd flashed boob even if they are in the designated family area!! The Mums have to get changed after swimming too!

YANBU. I have two boys and my eldest looks way older than he is (7) and so I’m becoming increasingly conscious of having him in women’s loos/changing rooms in case it makes others feel uncomfortable. In my case no doubt I’d have been glaring at my boys and whispering for them to look away (and give you your privacy) and apologised to you in a lighthearted way for them staring at you (and probably giggling about boobies!) after all you were using a changing for its intended purpose. Gosh some people are so uptight!

Nakedness in changing rooms is normal, appropriate and to be expected. Some people are weird.

If the patent was so concerned she should have gone to the family section with her children rather than shout abuse at a woman in a Female space doing nothing wrong.

Woman with kids was unreasonable. Health club facilities are primarily for adults. If they wanted to be with other families, they could have used the family area. Although there are no guarantees that (horror of horrors) other mums might be naked!

This. They should have gone to the family area. What would happen if an adult male member took his young son into the male changing area? Would the other male members be expected to cover their genitals? Would the cry of 'Paedos' be shouted?