To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

I remember seeing fully naked women showering at the gym when I was a kid. Didn’t bother me.

OP has now spoken to the manager and he has apologised profusely to her about this mum's ridiculous behavior. It turned out that the boy was actually 9 years old so shouldn't even have been in the women's changing room.

What about breastfeeding women? Do you have the same views that it's not OK to expose breasts to minors when breastfeeding a baby? Even though this is perfectly legal?

You did nothing wrong. She’s a twat for teaching her kids to sexualise the naked body. Why don’t people understand the difference between being inappropriate and being naked in a place you’re supposed to be naked in. Lord help her if she ever takes her kids to a beach in Spain. Thick twat 🙄

They’re only boobs, hardly the end of the world.

No U at all. Its a changing room. You weren't sitting on your towel nude or behaving in an exhibitionist way. You were changing. As you rightly said if they wanted full privacy they should have changed in a family change

Ignore the silly cow. What did she think women would be doing in the women’s changing room. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.

Some of these comments, saying people shouldn't be in a state of undress in a changing room in front of children, are ridiculous. Maybe people should get out the pool, put their clothes on over their wet costume, and drip all the way home??
I always try to keep my towel round me as much as I can, but it's just not possible to get fully dry and dressed without a few seconds when bare flesh is revealed.

I'd not be comfortable with a 9 Yr old boy in the room though - but the onus was on them to go elsewhere, not the OP.

I don't see a problem with what you did but the outcome will probably depend on who there main clientele is ? If they're actively marketing to kids/family's then they'll find fault or threaten to ban you if you don't start using the adult only area (in which case I'd find a new pool) or they'll fault the family's & Insist children under 10(?) remain in family rooms

FFS!

Why should she have to go to a cubicle? She’s a woman, using the woman’s changing room. How could that POSSIBLY lead you to assume she had “cognitive issues”? She is literally who the changing room is for.

If a mother deems her 8 year old son to be old enough to notice the naked women around him then that mother should take that 8 year old boy into a cubicle. It is on THEM to seek privacy, not on all the woman the changing room was designed for to have to hide away ashamed.

And you misunderstand the adult area. It isn’t there because it’s compulsory for adults to use it, it’s there to provide respite for people who want a break from other people’s kids.

Omg you lunatic 🤣🤣🤣

The only reason your first line is correct is if the children in question were at a sleepover at their friend’s house, then the adult should under no circumstances be changing in front of children.
But they were in the females changing room, the boy children should have been in the private family area, anything less is the fault of the mother of the children.

If being partially dressed in a changing room is socially unacceptable, then I’ve been causing children trauma for many years.

I cycle to work and frequently swim at my local leisure centre before work. My cycle pannier bag contains work clothes, work shoes, food, laptop, files/folders/notebooks, waterproof jacket & trousers, and my swimming cozzy & towel. Given the lack of space in my pannier bag, my towel is always a small quick-dry camping hand towel. This means that after my post-swim shower I walk completely nekkid from the shower stalls to the lockers at the diagonally opposite end of the changing room. This often means I have to wade my way through crowds of young schoolgirls whose schools use the leisure centre for swimming PE classes, and loads of families during school hols. It never occurred to me this may be a problem.

What a silly woman, I’m not sure what she expected in the female changing rooms… it’s not like you were strutting around doing the catwalk in the buff.
I can see why she didn’t want them to go into the mens but then she should have either used the family facilities or expected that the children may see some nakedness if they went into the adult changing rooms.
Ive got boys fractionally older and I’m always worried about sending them into men’s changing facilities, in part because they can’t always be trusted not to mess around/fight.
Not all places have mixed/family changing facilities, at our local small outdoor pool it’s men/woman changing rooms and they are one area with 2 cubicles to one side if people don’t want to change in the large area where the lockers and benches are.
This year my 10 and 12 year old have gone into the mens changing rooms together and I’ve hovered outside the door within ear shot and their younger brother has come into the ladies with me.
There has been women in there fully naked getting changed, last time my 4 year old said in a matter of fact voice “Mummy, I can see that lady’s boobies.” Instead of shrivelling into a corner and dying of embarrassment like I wanted to, I just replied that he knew ladies have boobs and it’s rude to stare at people….
As a little person who was breastfed until he was 2 it didn’t bother him, he was just commenting on the view 🤦‍♀️
My older ones would have died of embarrassment just because they are of that age where everything is cringe worthy, last year the middle one came into the ladies changing rooms with me, there were older ladies in there getting changed and I asked if they minded if my 9 year old son came in each time we used the changing rooms and they didn’t bat an eyelid, just discreetly got changed, put their bottoms on under towels and then quickly got dressed and he changed in the corner on the opposite side. No one was emotionally traumatised.

Lol. I was just thinking of Denmark and also Germany as I was in both recently. At one German pool there were multiple big red signs saying that swimmers must remove their swimwear to shower for hygiene reasons, because of the number of bacteria a swimsuit harbours. Naked sauna use was also the norm.

Nudity in and of itself is not bad, nor is nudity inherently sexual. Appropriateness, to my mind, is about two things - culture and context, and treating all nudity equally risks raising children who don’t understand these nuances. While the UK is less liberal than some other countries on this matter, some nudity in single sex changing rooms is absolutely normal. If it weren’t, there wouldn’t be communal changing areas in pools.

Wall to wall bush when I was a kid in the 80s and 90s. People have lost their minds.

My DL has cubicles. but only 4.

Totally agree.

To be honest I've found the opposite. Most places had cubicles in my younger days, and over time I've seen a move towards communal female changing. Especially in the upmarket branded places.

OP - I tend to take a massive travel towel with me to the gym - the type that's thin but absorbent. It's a nice big sheet to wrap around myself and doesn't take much room in my bag. You absolutely shouldn't have to, but if you're feeling self-conscious and like you want more discretion, would that work for you? The other thing I can think of is those towel ponchos: Regatta Adults Hooded Towel Poncho – Avenue 85

I'm glad the manager is on your side. Nobody should find it shocking or offensive to find naked women in a women's changing area!

How do they get changed without removing their clothes?

Do you think boys don’t see topless people on beaches? Women have breasts, if you don’t make a big deal about it, neither will the children.

If DL had kicked off you can remind them that until very recently (nod to the Supreme Court ruling) they were allowing males who identify as women into the female only spaces (why I left) so it’s good to know your place is now not only executing on the law but also implementing the age rule.

You did nothing wrong.

Dunno. Never noticed.

So calling people pedo for having grown up with mixed changing rooms is now acceptable is it?
you sound like Elon musk calling that hero a pedo

✨ magic ✨

The other woman was a nut case. I work in a leisure centre and I cannot imagine our managers siding with her.

There is always a lot of issues with single sex changing areas. We get many complaints about boys of 11 or 12 being in the ladies because their mums don't like them going in the men's. Sometimes we get dads taking their small daughters swimming and they go into the ladies, not realising it's Ok to take a young child into the changing of the opposite sex.