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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been half naked in front of other children?

672 replies

BrieEncounter · 20/08/2025 10:29

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

OP posts:
limescale · 20/08/2025 16:09

Bunnycute23 · 20/08/2025 16:07

I'm sure no one even noticed.

But I couldn't make it through the post.

Why are you posting then? If you didn't read OP's post you don't really know what she's asking about.

latetothefisting · 20/08/2025 16:11

Woman sounds absolutely nuts.

I've never been to a gym or pool that has an adult only area, so what on earth does she expect people to do then?

Just stop changing the moment a child walks in?

Haha I'd love to see her face when opening the email not only not upholding her complaint but telling her off for having her child in the wrong changing room!

anyolddinosaur · 20/08/2025 16:19

I'd have turned my back to the children or gone in the adults section. Wouldnt have complained about you and would tell a child not to stare but would still think you were wrong.

Ellebelle01 · 20/08/2025 16:20

It’s a changing room, you are meant to get changed in it so really don’t worry about it. That family will have a shock if they go to the Netherlands or other European places 😂

LittleBitofBread · 20/08/2025 16:21

anyolddinosaur · 20/08/2025 16:19

I'd have turned my back to the children or gone in the adults section. Wouldnt have complained about you and would tell a child not to stare but would still think you were wrong.

Wrong for being a woman changing in a changing room for women?
I'm going to need a diagram to help me with that one, please.

Picklelily99 · 20/08/2025 16:23

SpringSpruce · 20/08/2025 14:13

I wouldn't have said anything, but I would have found it an odd thing to do when theres an adult only area available, I would have probably assumed you had some cognitive issues and not confronted you because of that though unless you seemed to be actively trying to be an exhibitionist.

I can't understand choosing to be topless infront of a boy who is upper primary school age instead of going to a cubicle or the adult only area. At 8 they're not like toddlers who have no awareness.

Totally out of order!

Delphinium20 · 20/08/2025 16:24

It's a women's changing room and i would guarantee if she'd brought her 8 year old daughter in, she'd have no issues.

Moms of sons have a tricky time between like 5 and 8 before they are ready to go to the men's changing areas, but she was BU because women's bodies in a women's changing rooms is 100 percent expected and part of normal culture.

And if she said you were 'flashing her boobs' I can only imagine how she's going to be when her sons are older, probably victim blaming women who wear 'revealing' clothes if her sons act inappropriately. Some boy moms suck.

Goldbar · 20/08/2025 16:24

Don't let one bully change your behaviour.

The problem is that you were so busy questioning whether your actions were reasonable and whether you'd done anything that was actually offensive that you weren't mentally in a position to question and call out her behaviour towards you.

She shouted at and harassed you while you were undressed and vulnerable. Her behaviour was unacceptable.

If anything of this sort happens again, say loudly "This isn't appropriate. I'm dressing. Get out of my face. If you have a complaint, feel free to make it to reception but I will treat any further attempt to communicate with me as deliberate harassment and report you for it."

DinoLil · 20/08/2025 16:31

She was crazy. Her DC probably see more boobs and arse on their local beach!

Turn it on it's head - you were intimidated and harassed by another gym user and report HER to management. She could have used the family room, not your problem if it's not big enough for her requirements. Go into female changing and you see females changing. Quelle surprise!

ArtesianWater · 20/08/2025 16:35

WTF? The setup is the same as my gym (David Lloyd) and if kids are in the main changing area I will turn away from them but still have to get changed. I would rather they weren't there but that's the parent's choice. They could go to the family changing area. I have never had anyone have a go at me for getting changed around their kids but most do use the family area or closed cubicles. YANBU.

TheLemonLemur · 20/08/2025 16:37

You were not unreasonable - if I take my son of a similar age into the ladies changing room I take him into the cubicle within the changing room.
However if im at the pool alone and there are kids in the changing room I would always nip into the cubicle rather than changing in front of children

MorrisseysMisery · 20/08/2025 16:39

The lady was being over dramatic and taking part in a bit of "Pearl Clutching"

No need for her to say you were "Being inappropriate around children"

I'd go in there to reception with my head held high.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 20/08/2025 16:39

The other mum was in the wrong . She should have made sure she was in the family changing area as she had young boys with her. In OP’s position with this woman making a fuss and drawing attention to her at the point she had no top on so others were staring sounds like cause for a counter complaint.

countrygirl99 · 20/08/2025 16:42

BeltaLodaLife · 20/08/2025 16:05

Mixed sex or at least separated male and female?

Show quote history

Not mixed.

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 20/08/2025 16:43

Are the areas designed for -

Family room - Mums/Dads and kids
Female room - Women, including mums with girls/boys up to 8 years old
Adult only - Adult women only

Perhaps the mum and her friend did not want to get changed in front of dads.

If the sections are for those reasons it is kind of implies they are there to separate adult women from the boys. Otherwise what is the purpose of the adult only section? (am I missing something?)

It is not something that would have bothered me if ds was with me, a bit of a biology lesson for him 🤣 but I might have thought it odd someone being comfortable being topless with an 8 year old boy gawping.

Regardless, consideration, dignity and respect for others, everyone, should be the priority.

Florencelatsy · 20/08/2025 16:44

I go to a David Lloyd that has no family room. I go with and without my daughter, sometimes out of habit if I go alone I just automatically go to the non adults only as its where my daughter and I change when we go together. Its a changing room, surely the kids would see other parents getting changed too?! The only difference is you didn't have a child with you?! What's the difference between your body and the mums friends body?! Ridiculous that people make complaints about seeing boobs in a communal changing room. She must be nuts or seeking money off her fees...or both 🤣 She's got more chance of getting blood from a stone if its the latter!!

BernardButlersBra · 20/08/2025 16:48

🤣🤣🤣🤣 a complaint about someone getting changed in a changing room?! She sounds bonkers. Bet it gave the manager and other staff a laugh at least

Didimum · 20/08/2025 16:48

I don't think there is anything wrong with nudity, but people do not strip off in the swimming pool changing areas in my location. Seems like it differs by facility. I personally wouldn't have stripped off if children were in the changing area with me. I think this is highly individual opinion, however.

SleeplessInWherever · 20/08/2025 16:49

I don’t understand how her and her friend were planning on hiding their bodies from him while they got changed. Is it just strangers boobs that are offensive? Because they’re all just boobs.

Those saying it’s weird to get changed in front of an 8 year old. It was her 8 year old. If she wanted to protect his eyes from human bodies, she should have changed him somewhere separate or private… like the family room. That’s where we take ours. Who is also 8 and has eyes.

Rehoming123 · 20/08/2025 16:53

I live in a (European) country where this would be a complete non issue! Our local pool (for example and very typical) has a men’s and a women’s changing room. Children go in the changing room of the parent they’re with, unless they’re over 8 in which case they’re meant to go in the changing room of their own sex. There are maybe one or two cubicles but otherwise it’s just an open changing room with lockers - no family areas. I think this is a very English thing to be so prudish about nakedness! (And I say that as English person!)

InMyShowgirlEra · 20/08/2025 16:55

YANBU. Ridiculous to think you won't see naked bodies in a changing room! What exactly does she think will happen if her boys see a boob?

CinnamonBuns67 · 20/08/2025 16:55

Yanbu. If she felt that strongly about nudity she should rethink her activity choices. It's a given that if you are in a changing room you are very likely to see people getting changed.

thismummyslife · 20/08/2025 16:55

I wouldn’t worry about it! What they are on the beach when on holiday is a lot worse!!

sleepingrascal · 20/08/2025 16:55

YANBU

GreyCarpet · 20/08/2025 17:00

Didimum · 20/08/2025 16:48

I don't think there is anything wrong with nudity, but people do not strip off in the swimming pool changing areas in my location. Seems like it differs by facility. I personally wouldn't have stripped off if children were in the changing area with me. I think this is highly individual opinion, however.

She didn't 'strip off'.

She detailed quite clearly in her op what happened. We have all rad the same description and it doesn't describe anyone 'stripping off'.

but I might have thought it odd someone being comfortable being topless with an 8 year old boy gawping.

Neither does she say the child was 'gawping'.

is the purpose of the adult only section? (am I missing something?)

They are for people who would prefer to get changed away from children for their own comfort. Not an exclusion zone where bodies have to go to be hidden away.

If I'd been the OP, I'd have done exactly what she did. I'd assume that a mother in the main area with her children wasn't bothered about her child seeing a partially dressed woman not that I was supposed to go somewhere else.

As her child was 9, he shouldn't have been in there anyway and I'd imagine they reminded her of that. It was the 9 year old boy who shouldn't have been in that area, not the OP.