To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

That's shit that some stupid entitled woman has made you feel self-conscious. I hope you feel more relaxed again soon.
You are a better person than me; I would have made a counter-complaint about her trying to cast shade on your character, and after finding out about the boy's age I would DEFINITELY add that to my complaint.

Sounds like David Lloyd to me, if they’re that bothered they could have taken turns in the family section or used the cubicle. At that point she decided it was more important for her to stick with her friend than ‘protect’ her kids from nudity.

fwiw I use DL and me and my kids just get changed anywhere if the family section is full. Everyone has bodies, if anything it’s more uncomfortable for the adults having kids staring at them!

My David Lloyd club has just been refurbished and it is indeed open plan. There are 4 individual cubicles but most people leave them in case an older /shy person wants one.

Btw OP, I think that generally David Lloyd staff try to please everyone. It sounds like the member of staff did their usual thing of trying to keep the member happy in that moment, leaving it to the manager to sort it out.

I'd make a complaint about her behaviour!

I think she definitely overreacted. With that being said I wouldn't feel comfortable getting undressed in front of children that are not related to me. If there was an adult section, I would have used it. Similarly, if I was with my children I would use a family room.

If you go to council owned swimming pools, then it will be all cubicles.

If you go to a private gym/pool it will be the opposite - all will have a big open plan changing room, with maybe 3/4 cubicles for those that prefer privacy. Over the last 20 years I’ve been a member at several gyms including Virgin, David Lloyd and Nuffield. All have had naked women getting changed in the communal changing rooms. Some days women stand blowdrying their hair completely stark naked….. stand naked having chats with their naked pal….. stand naked putting body moisturiser on……. it’s a regular sight in my experience. Neither I nor my children bat an eyelid.

They existed at the swimming pool in Halifax until 2022 ish (shut down a couple of years back)...most of it was open plan but half a dozen private changing rooms existed if that's what you preferred. Ladies would often strip off in the showers. Not a problem. Each to their own. It's just a body. Would be a good education for those boys I reckon lol. What did that woman expect in a changing room? She should've told her kids to look away if she felt offended by a perfectly natural activity in a changing room.

Complete madness! YANBU

I also agree that private gyms have open plan changing. Mine has a "wet" and a "dry" room, no kids allowed in the dry one and women tend to use that when the summer camp kids get changed as there's loads of them

I get very naked in the wet room although when the kids camp kids are there i use the dry one as the wet one is small.

Have they never been on holiday in Europe! I drew the line at an invite from a lovely Dutch family to join them and their family at a nudist beach but, topless women was the norm on the beaches we went to. Not me though because I don’t like my boobs 😂

Glad she’s been reminded her 9 year old boy should not be in the women’s changing rooms too. Don’t feel guilty about that.

What a ridiculous woman. If she was that worried she should have taken her children in to the family area.
It was a flash of boob….not a Pam & Tommy sex tape 🙄

She brought 8-year old boys into the women’s changing room instead of the family changing room and kicked off that a woman was changing in there - she’s a complete bloody idiot!

Sorry this happened to you OP. This woman sounds unhinged. You did nothing wrong.

I swim in a Nuffield Health club and there are often women stripping off to get changed, Children are also often present.
It is totally normal and totally to be expected.
(There are only a couple of small cubicles.)
There's family changing too but it is also for fathers and their kids as well as mothers. I suspect the lady who complained abput the OP would not be happy with that either.

Completely ridiculous.

If you're in a communal changing room, you have a fair chance of seeing people in various states of dress. You did nothing wrong.
Some people are so uptight

Definitely not your problem OP, guess this women’s kids have never been in a male changing room without cubicles or a male toilet with urinals, she’d be mortified at the amount of men that would be flashing at her son( they absolutely wouldn’t be, just getting changed, using the loo) perhaps she needs to use the cubicles in future, not you

Not a problem. I take my 4 year old in the ladies changing room after his swimming lesson and there is always at least one topless/bottomless/completely naked woman in there! That's life. People have bodies.

How on earth is getting changed in the female changing rooms of a swimming pool 'actively trying to be an exhibitionist'? OP changed under a towel, but then struggled to adjust her bra straps while holding the towel up.

The complaining mum refused to use the family section of the changing room as there wasn't enough room for her and her friend. There are no cubicles in David Lloyd clubs.

If an 8 year old boy has awareness of female bodies, he should be changing in the male changing rooms.

I went to a conference in Amsterdam once where the university faculty had lent out their apartments to visiting delegates. Ours was lovely.

I got chatting to a fellow delegate. Her borrowed apartment was also lovely but the hallway featured life size nude photographic portraits of the entire family!

Maybe an idea for DL's next marketing campaign.

Good outcome op.

If there wasn’t enough room for them all in the family changing area, then at the age of 9, surely the boys could have used the family changing area by themselves.

Good outcome but I would be super unhappy that she hadn't used the family area with a 9 year old.
The boys could have used the family area themselves.
You havd been too accommodating IMO.
I would seriously consider a counter complaint.

Some people had better avoid pools in Iceland. Compulsory nude showers before you go in and all the ones we went to were communal.

Mixed sex or at least separated male and female?

I remember being in swimming pool changing rooms as a kid and regularly seeing other women naked, it was no big deal and was normal. I dont think you did anything wrong. My guess is that the other woman phrased it to the staff like you "flashed" her children which suggests youn intentionally did it for malicious/perverted purposes which of course isn't the case. But if she implied it was that way to the staff that is probably why they came across as being very formal and serious about the whole thing. Otherwise I doubt they would care as it's what's to be expected in changing rooms. I think at most they will suggest you change in the adult only bit and no more will come of it

I'm sure no one even noticed.

But I couldn't make it through the post.