To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

Where you prancing around with tassels attached to your nipples.
She should have gone to the family area with her son.

I think the woman was completely unreasonable. It’s a changing room, what did she expect?

People like this are ridiculous.

They should avoid visiting places in Europe (such as Germany) where people share mixed changing rooms and walk around naked 😅

When my boys were younger and I took them into the group female changing, it was my job to make sure they were discrete, not the other way around. So they stayed out of the way, just got changed and faced the wall etc. Not when they were toddlers but once they got to 6/7 and they were big so looked older, I didn’t want to make women feel uncomfortable so then I had them facing away from anyone else changing.

You did nothing wrong. She took her boys into a female only change, their age doesn’t change that. She needed to expect nudity and keep the kids facing away if she didn’t want them to see.

So who is the area for then? Families are supposed to go to the family bit and females without dc to the adult female bit then what is the point of the main bit of the female changing room?

see. The clue is in the name.

And by your reasoning a mother with dc would have to wait until her dc were changed then leave them somewhere 🤷🏻‍♀️
and go and change herself in the adult section because there would be other people’s dc in the open bit so she couldn’t be naked around them could she.

Funny I remember seeing naked women in the shower in the local pool in the 1970s and my gran said they were Swedish and not to look!
I'm with OP they should have gone in the family room. Not wanting to separate from her friend sounds like she's still in year 6.

She had a suitable place to go with her children, she just didn’t use it.

i don’t think you’re being unreasonable

However I look forward to your update. Gyms can get things very wrong in my experience (I’ll never set foot in a Nuffield again)

OMG it’s just a body! What is wrong with people 😫

Absolutely not unreasonable OP.

The woman sounds off her rocker, I’m sorry that happened! How incredibly bizarre of her. Surely the management shouldn’t humour her “complaint”!

Dyou think she’d be equally irate over me breastfeeding in public, if it’s a brief glimpse of boobs that triggers her? 😂

So the children have never seen part of a woman's body before? You weren't flashing or getting a kick out of it, you were changing. If she doesn't want her child to see a woman's body she should change elsewhere.

As above.

I imagine OP didn't really think about the potential 'inappropriateness' of taking off her bra to adjust the straps because she was in a women's changing room - a room for women to change - and in order to change clothes need to be removed.

Why should women have to adjust their behaviour to accommodate someone who chose to use the women's changing room when there was a family room available.

All of the gyms and hotels I’ve used have open plan changing with 1 or 2 cubicles. I’ve been to the Celtic manor, village hotel and PUREGYM in the last 2 months. She should have used a cubicle or family area if she wanted to avoid naked women as this is commonplace in all gyms now.

Completely agree with this.

The woman that spoke to you is deranged. It’s a fucking changing room. What a stupid idiot she sounds.

Boobs! In a women's changing room! She needs to get a grip.

The female needs to grow up. What nonsense.

I have been using gym and swim changing rooms for 40 years and of course you did nothing wrong. You got changed in a changing room. When I walk in to my current gym changing room there are always several women half naked in the process of changing. And there is no adults only section, so I don’t know what the complaining woman would do there. Self combust?

I am also interested in how DL would follow this up. You identified yourself to reception, but if you hadn’t how would they even know who you were? Would they question everyone who swiped their card that morning?

Ridiculous.

You were fine to be naked in a change room.
I have never seen another naked person in swimming change rooms because I avert my eyes. KIds learn this.

People are always naked in change rooms. Her kid possibly would have not batted an eyelid except for his mother's alarm.

If the boy is ok enough for your boobs to be inappropriate then he is too old to be in a female changing room

The 8 year old boys and their mother could have gone to family changing. The OP was in a FEMALE space, specifically for females to get changed. Why should she change her behaviour because of ine entitled idiot.

You were fine OP and I would be doing the same.
(She will likely be told by management to use families changing)

DL have an offer on at the moment where guests for a nominal amount can have 2 week memberships for the summer.

So there are a lot of visiting guests in currently, unfamiliar with their surroundings and unfamiliar with general normal DL behaviour and etiquette - could they have been visiting?

I wish DL wouldn’t do this cheap summer offer as it’s to the detriment of members, it gets loud, there’s some entitled behaviour on occasion, and just spoils a nice calm environment.

I would have been very annoyed at her OP.
It's a women's changing room, where women get dressed and sometimes there may be a flash of a boob or a bit of bum seen as someone wiggles into their knickers but the majority of the time, people are covered with their towel.

Her actions in front of her son make it seem like women's bodies should be hidden away.

If she is so worried about her son seeing something he shouldn't, the onus is on HER as mother, to bring him to the family changing.

If her son was old enough to be peturbed by boobs he should have either been in the male changing room or the family section.

Probably! I still have vivid childhood memories from being around 4 and stood amongst a LOT of pubic hair in pool changing areas😂

Your boobs were accidentally out. No, you're not unreasonable and it would have been an excellent teaching point for these mums to tell their children about breastfeeding, and that breasts are functional.

You'll have grounds for sexist treatment I'm sure if they have a go at you - would a man get the same treatment for his nipples?