Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

[Ilovepastafortea]

OK, I lay my cards on the table. Met DH in the early 1980's been married since 1988. Neither of us were virgins - him less so than me as he was a randy good-looking bloke. 😂

Never occurred to me to have sex on our first or even 6th date. Well, probably occurred to him, but I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together. He says that was the longest any girl had 'kept him waiting', but he always knew that I was 'the one' & rather liked it that I wasn't like other girlfriends he'd had who had sex on 1st or 2nd dates & the quick shags that he had. He always says that I was worth waiting for & the fact that I didn't have sex with him until I was sure of him made it all the better.

Just posting for opinions having only had sex with the same man for more than 40 years & still I love spending an afternoon in bed with him. He's the best & I love & fancy the very bones of that man. I'm one lucky woman. 😍

Guess what I've been doing today - that man still does it for me! 😉

Are you all middle aged or older? Maybe from a pre internet violent porn, choking , s& m time? Because younger women of
my acquaintance would regard very early intimacy as extremely risky and dangerous. Far safer to wait until they are fairly certain the guy won’t hurt them.

What about those who have been hurt by men they are married to?

of course it happens. But like everything else in life it’s risk assessment.

So what, though? I’m ‘just not interested in’ rugby, camping or Taylor Swift, but the fact that I don’t understand the appeal doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them.

I don’t think it is unreasonable at all if that’s what you want to do. I did very similar for my first BF and didn’t rush with subsequent ones either. I hlad already hit 20 and he was a bit older so pretty experienced and and several girlfriends etc. I was always clear I wasn’t going to be jumping into bed and for him to move on with his next conquest (and also me a virgin). Happily he wasn’t like that. Lovely guy and was already a doctor so starting to be settled professionally and me older than my years. Prob seen as a snob but we got on really well and it lasted for a long time.

it was nearly 3 months before we had sex and we both knew it would happen. He took me away for a long weekend and a lovely hotel and spa in a national park. Was lovely and I have fond memories of my first time, how utterly relaxed it was and him taking so long touching and massaging me. I still see myself as fortunate I didn’t have the experience of some friends of a utter disappointment of a shag and move on.

So I’m with you….holding off lets you get to know them better and see what they really want out of it. I do note in the vote though currently I’m in a minority!!

This!

Nah, fuck that. Why would you wait?

If the person is good in bed then great! 6 extra months of shagging. If not, you can find out and bin them.

I waited, oh, 2 days with DH.

im Puzzled by your reply to mine @Alicealig

bad sex is not good and for me , it ruins and destroys the relationship

35, so not sure if that qualifies as middle age? Definitely feel it!

I do also fall into the category of women who doesn’t mind some of the things you listed, so that might shape my risk assessment on those particular things.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but anyone else had a failed one night stand? DH and I are still happy after 32 years.

Thank you everyone for your comments. As I said I wanted to canvass opinions.

Yes, I'm 62 & it was more than 40 years ago - 1984. I'd been to a convent school & was brought up with the attitude that 'good girls' don't - even though I did with 2 previous boyfriends. But I knew that DH was a special person. He says that he fell in love with me the first time he met me & knew that I was 'The One'.

We married in 1988, have 3 children & 7 Grandchildren (we also lost 5 children through miscarriages) & I fall in love with him more everyday.

In waiting before we had sex we got to know each other very well which meant that when we finally got to it I felt totally comfortable & able to tell him what I liked.

I'm not saying that those who have sex on meeting their partners early on are wrong. I just wanted to canvass opinions as my DGS (aged 17 in Oct) told me that he'd had sex with at least 20 girls. He's very sporty, plays rugby for the County, football also for the County, does triathlon etc & is rather good looking - you may think I'm a fond nanny saying this, but he is VERY fit & well built, blond & my friends comment that they saw him in town & what a good looking lad he is. I didn't say it, but I was shocked (reminded him to use condoms) & I wondered if I'm totally out of the loop in this kind of thing.

It seems that I am.

OK going to get my slippers & knitting out, get DH to prepare my mushy easy to eat meal & put Radio 4 on. 😂

edited for grammar

Let’s hope dgs is careful or he will be daddy and you a great granny @Ilovepastafortea

Your attempt at humble bragging is rather... bizarre.

Not humble bragging just explaining.

"I'm not saying that those who have sex on meeting their partners early on are wrong" just that they're not "good" or special.

Apparently NLOGs exist into middle age.

I never suggested that they were. As I remember I said that those who do are not wrong & wished them well.

I think by waxing lyrical that the fact you didn't have sex early on makes you a "good girl", not like all the other girls, your handsome rakish husband preferred the special wait over the "quick shags" very heavily implies that the other women were not "good" by comparison.

I really think you need to work on your internalised misogyny.

Oh my god, @Alicealig . This, and your other comments, have utterly boggled my mind. Your fundamental disapproval of sexually active women is so strong that you’d even defend Tate before you’d allow a woman the ownership of her own body. You cite antiquated societal rules as though they had currency still.

The main thing that comes across is that you truly believe men and woman are meant to exist in opposition to each other, sworn enemies from birth and merging solely for the purpose of (married) procreation. Any sexual adventures beyond this are doomed by mutual hatred and mistrust.
There’s no suggestion of partnership, never mind actual harmonious equality, in your remarks and so I wonder is your software due for an update to, say, 1975. It’d be a start!

The weirdest thing is telling your granny how many women you've shagged 🤮

And then your gran chuckling, shrugging at his handsomeness and reminding him to use condoms.

@Alicealig "There must be a logical reason for this" - it's called capitalism and patriarchy.

A few of us. Though I knew dh as a friend before he was supposed to be a one night bunk lol

We were having a discussion about consensual sex, porn, sexting SC media etc having seen something on TV about it. I asked him about his opinions. It all came out. I'm pleased that he feels able to talk to someone. It seems that he doesn't feel able to talk to his parents about this kind of thing (my DS & DIL). So, having talked to DGS, we made an agreement about how much I would tell his parents as I said that they should know that he's sexually active & need to know the extent of it. I have no doubt that my DS (his father) knows about this as he plays in the same club as DGS & has commented on how the girls flock around DGS, but my DIL may not.

Both my DS's & me were always quite frank with me about sex & I used to buy condoms for them to use & push them in their pockets when they went out. They'd say 'oh God mum...' But afterwards would say that they were glad of them even if they didn't use them as they were able to give them to their friends. Both DS say I was the coolest mum of all their friend's mums as I always had pizzas & <soft> drinks & had an open house - anyone welcome.

You really really aren't like other girls OP.

....and did your sons and future daughters-in-law wait several months before they had sex? And did your sons choose their wives because they..... held back? And do your grandsons consider the girls they sleep with....? Or will they be binned?