Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

[Ilovepastafortea]

OK, I lay my cards on the table. Met DH in the early 1980's been married since 1988. Neither of us were virgins - him less so than me as he was a randy good-looking bloke. 😂

Never occurred to me to have sex on our first or even 6th date. Well, probably occurred to him, but I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together. He says that was the longest any girl had 'kept him waiting', but he always knew that I was 'the one' & rather liked it that I wasn't like other girlfriends he'd had who had sex on 1st or 2nd dates & the quick shags that he had. He always says that I was worth waiting for & the fact that I didn't have sex with him until I was sure of him made it all the better.

Just posting for opinions having only had sex with the same man for more than 40 years & still I love spending an afternoon in bed with him. He's the best & I love & fancy the very bones of that man. I'm one lucky woman. 😍

Guess what I've been doing today - that man still does it for me! 😉

We had sex on the first date too for the same reason, we like sex and didn't see a reason not to. No regrets.

I don't think anyone assumes that sex is risk free but there are many options to largely minimise those risks. When I had casual sex, condoms were non negotiable and I was always on the pill too.

The best time is when you want to.

I'm surprised to still see people posting about women giving up sex too readily and too soon (as though it's something to bestow, not take part in) sometimes on MN threads. The kind of man that is just out to fuck and run will do so after one date or 20. For some, the chase will make it more of a thrill and they'll have others on the go.

I would have thought that those in committed relationships had more sex than those who are single or in casual relationships. Therefore pregnancy is surely more likely in those relationships. More sex = more chance of getting pregnant

I think in theory the idea is to see if there is a genuine connection before you hop into bed together with all the risks entailed in that. The other is some theory that men bond through vasopressin which can be released in stressful circumstances i.e. if he feels like he still needs to chase you or win you. If you sleep together too soon you could risk him losing interest or moving on to the next challenge. No idea if any of that is true but that is the theory.

I think in modern times there is a concern that some men use online dating as sort of uber shags and so to avoid being used women delay sex in the hope that men like that will weed themselves out if they are not getting what they want in short order.

In reality it depends I know some couples that are together 20 years after hooking up right away and some who waited until marriage who are still together and I know others in the same situation who ended up divorced or splitting.

Absolutely. And obviously not having sex has its risks too.

Absolutely, people can be as safe as possible.

Those statistics on abortions aren't just the products of ONS or causal relationships. Married people and those in committed relationships can also decide to terminate a pregnancy for various reasons.

And as for STDs, just because one party within a marriage is monogamous, doesn't mean the other is!

Most exciting things in life have an element of risk. I've always been pretty good at risk assessing and skirting on the right side of danger without restricting myself from doing anything fun. It's not that difficult on the whole.

I really dont understand who would care if a man lost interest because you slept with him quickly. Plenty more that wouldn't, who cares if Mr Red Flag the hypocrite doesn't want a relationship?

This. If someone only wants sex then they will disappear after one date, ten dates or however long it takes before they have sex or get bored waiting. Who benefits from dragging it out?

Judged harshly by SOME men and SOME women.

Who are misogynists and nobody should listen to misogynists.

Judged harshly by SOME men and SOME women.

Who are misogynists and nobody should listen to misogynists.

This. If someone only wants sex then they will disappear after one date, ten dates or however long it takes before they have sex or get bored waiting. Who benefits from dragging it out?

Or worse, you wait, they deem you're worthy, then you're stuck with them until you wise up.
I picture relationships like that to be like Christopher and Adriana in The Sopranos.

What if they are rubbish in bed

and I’ve crap shag. Well 2 actually.

one I actually did say was it in - it was …..

two. Useless and literally rubbing /prodding me like polishing a table

if there is crap add as lovely as the man may be it’s never gonna work as the woman wants more. Or even the man is the woman is rubbish

so don’t do on first date but def a few dates in

Andrew Tate isn't as bad as most make out I feel,

I mean he's a rapist, a woman beater and a pimp, but you do you.

Obviously these things aren't as bad as being the true evil that is a promiscuous woman.

About 4 weeks - around our 4th date. We saw each other a lot more often after we confirmed we were sexually compatible 😂

Well, I’m glad that everyone can now read that extreme sexist misogynist views also go along with thinking the violent criminal and abuser Andrew Tate is somehow ‘not so bad’. And on behalf of all the lovely 14 year old boys I have known who are more interested in learning to skateboard, helping out with my cats, making brownies and playing Mario Kart than they are in the utter shite that Tate sells, get lost.

Having had very few relationships and losing my virginity extremely late indeed, I always thought that bad sex likely would be something I’d be able to tolerate quite well. But in reality, in time it really wore me down and I’d start feeling a little nauseous at the thought of it. And yet I fancied the pants off the guy v handsome and fun but the sex - even as a novice lol I recognised as quite awful even after I had attempted to communicate my likes. Think the cliched wham bam, thank you ma’am 😬.

So yes you’re right, good sex does need to be prioritised for an all round happy and healthy relationship I think.

In the end, we split due to other much worse red flags of his but I really learnt something about myself!

I’m sure more abortions happen in relationships than from casual sex. More likely to become complacent in a long term relationship than if you’re enjoying casual sex.

STDs is a risk but unless you are barebacking strangers not hugely and again that’s not just the women’s risk.

Look at all those omg I thought I had hit menopause pregnancies from couple who now have grandchildren or are old enough to have grandchildren. All the we have enough children but oooops posts. I’m pregnant but dh doesn’t want to keep it.

Many more than shit I shagged a guy at a bar and now I’m pregnant.

I'm the same age as you, OP, and my memory of the 80s are not the same as yours. Of course, many things have changed (the Internet, etc), but the 80s was a time when sex on the first date was common place. Surely you remember? 'Sex is natural' men would say to you if you said no. The Pill changed the power dynamics between men and women for ever. Now your mum's (and my mum's) generation that was different. And why? Because of the Pill.

You were lucky that you found a man that would stay with you in spite of the fact that you hadn't slept with him on the first date. You'd slept with other men before. You're hardly the 'Wise Virgin'.

I don't listen to the hype. This is what they always do to high status people who they feel need to come crashing down. Accuse them of some sleazy action with little to no evidence.

That's not defending Andrew Tate per se as I'd be the same whoever it was but it's wrong to label people things before any evidence has been heard.

I never thought I'd see the day that Andrew Tate was defended on MN, but i suppose that it makes sense that it's by someone who has such contempt for women's sexuality.
I rather suspect that someone isn't a woman.

Andrew shitty Tate. FFS.

The main advantage of that man is that I hear women listen out for his name as a mean of knowing which men to stay well clear of.

What risks? I am celibate and cannot think of any adverse experiences I have had as a result.