Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

[Ilovepastafortea]

OK, I lay my cards on the table. Met DH in the early 1980's been married since 1988. Neither of us were virgins - him less so than me as he was a randy good-looking bloke. 😂

Never occurred to me to have sex on our first or even 6th date. Well, probably occurred to him, but I was 'good girl' & we first had sex after about 6 months together. He says that was the longest any girl had 'kept him waiting', but he always knew that I was 'the one' & rather liked it that I wasn't like other girlfriends he'd had who had sex on 1st or 2nd dates & the quick shags that he had. He always says that I was worth waiting for & the fact that I didn't have sex with him until I was sure of him made it all the better.

Just posting for opinions having only had sex with the same man for more than 40 years & still I love spending an afternoon in bed with him. He's the best & I love & fancy the very bones of that man. I'm one lucky woman. 😍

Guess what I've been doing today - that man still does it for me! 😉

I understand theoretically why people want sex without the deeper connection in place, but I don’t truly understand it because it feels so bizarre to me.

Booze lol. Would be a bit weird going into it sober admittedly (well for me anyway - YMMV).

You are extra special Op and so so lucky. I wish I was you.

Is that the validation you were hoping for.

Fuck who you want when you want. Your husband did!

Yes, I'm icked as well. Mean, small-minded, self righteous OP. Yuck!

People who like Weatabix or Love Island are incomprehensible to me, but I acknowledge that tastes differ and are subjective, and they won’t necessarily share my taste for gloomy French eighties films or Turkish Delight bars.

Yeah the smugness is unreal

People are just different. I find that I have to be in the right mood with someone I'm very comfortable with for me to want to have sex with them but that's just a preference, I can't really make a case for it being the best way to go about it for other people.

The more you type, the more you sound like an incel.

I've already given the logical reason. That until recently the only way a man could know that his children were his were if he was with a good woman.

The best predictor of future behaviour is to look at past behaviour. Therefore it was a huge risk for a man to marry a promiscuous woman due to the chance of another child coming along that wasn't his. In the olden days this could be the difference between life and death for his own children where another mouth to feed especially from another man would be disastrous. This isn't as simple as men being sexist. There are deep reasons as to why this disgust emotion exists. Its desirable for a woman to have had sex with as fewer men as possible, just as it is desirable for a man to have as fewer sexual partners as possible once in a commuted relationship i.e marriage.

This thread is madness

Until recently? It's 2025.

There is no excuse for that reason nowadays, none. Not to mention the fact that it was probably more likely that a man would father a child due to his own 'promiscuity' but again, funnily enough, weren't judged like a woman would be.

It all goes back to sexism and it is absolutely that simple.

Are you quite well?

It is not “desirable” for a man to have “as fewer sexual partners as possible” once in a committed relationship.

Men, and women, should have one sexual partner when in a relationship, unless agreed otherwise.

Women who have sex before marriage are not “bad” women. They’re just women, who have had sex.

When you've given it out with a lesser regard to who you give that privilege then i can understand how it would seem less or even not special.

That's my point to some extent. You are worth more as a person and a woman to let men use you in that way to the extent you are unable to find how special it can be.

I think the modern approach to casual sex has had a hugely negative affect on women's mental health as since the advent of modern birth control incidences of mental health amongst women and young girls has increased by hundreds of a percentile. That's too much to be a coincidence.

A really stupid and illogical thought though.

Yes? It would 100% be a deal breaker. Because sex is important to me! Men who get rejected because they are bad at sex need to work on getting better at it, that seems self evident!

You have a strange evolutionary biology way of looking at things. The reason (some!) men don't like women to have multiple sexual partners while having multiples themselves is because of misogyny, not evolution. Plenty of men don't care by the way - mine doesn't.

By bedding promiscuous women? To get better in bed for a 'better woman' such as yourself. I doubt you've had a long term relationship in your life with this attitude. What an awful thing to say. Can you imagine a man said they won't sleep with fat women and if the fat ones wanted it they should eat less pies?

I always liked to test drive them fairly quickly. After 2-3 dates you know whether you like them enough to sleep with them and until you do there’s that tension and sometimes they’re on their best behaviour. So get it over with. If they’re going to go off you because they’ve slept with you, you might as well find out before wasting any more time with them. Ditto if you’re going to turn out to be hopelessly incompatible best to find out sooner rather than later.

That's my point to some extent. You are worth more as a person and a woman to let men use you in that way to the extent you are unable to find how special it can be.

Honestly the more you talk, the more I hope you don't have girls - they'll wind up like Bonnie Blue in reaction to your nonsense.

until recently the only way a man could know that his children were his were if he was with a good woman.

No, the only way a man could know his children were his were if he had total control over his wife. Nothing to do with morality.

That only works if you believe sex is something that women give to men, which I personally don't.

How are men using women if they want casual sex just as much? I never felt used when having casual sex because it was exactly what I wanted at that time.

Babes I've been married twice and am currently extremely happily married to a man who adores me even with my massive body count (and he's an amazing shag). you're very silly.

Can you explain why misogyny is responsible for this or at least what evidence you've based this on? In fact mysigyny isn't even a reason without a description of an logic behind it. You haven't actually explained why my take on the biological reasons for this are wrong.
I think the feminist types would claim mysigyny for everything devoid of reason. If men liked women to have lots of partners? Oh it's because of mysogyny.

Happily married here too. DH doesn't even know the exact number of men I have slept with because it isn't important to him if it is 2 or 200.

The assumption here is that sex is risk free, but the UK as a whole averages 250,000 abortions per annum (which suggests 300 - 350,000 unplanned pregnancies in total to me) and has significant and rising STD rates. So sex-as-commitment-free-leisure-activity has its price, which is mostly paid by women....so I think waiting till serious commitment could be a thing.

Married once, engaged now.

We had sex on the first date because we both like sex, which is basically where that story ends.

Frankly if I met a 35 year old virgin who’d just been waiting to meet their perfect match, I’d assume they were a murderer and make the relevant escape.