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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Best friend’ wedding snub

152 replies

Mariamjam · 19/08/2025 18:18

Sorry for the essay. Best mate (since school) recently got wed and ofc talked endless about all the details including the bridesmaids who she said were all the young members of her family. Whilst I thought it would have been nice to be asked as it’s something we’ve always said we’d do, I understood and resolved that it was role for the little ones. However, on the day I ended up being blind sided as she had friends as bridesmaids too and I only realised as they walked down the aisle and were right in front of me . I have some history with these women for context, they don’t talk to me when their friend is around as we has a fall out a long time ago, however if she’s not around they are fine, (ridiculous given how old we all are). The said girls didn’t speak to me along with others in their little gang which was a bit uncomfortable but there were too many lovely people around to be too bothered. Otherwise, the wedding was beautiful but ‘best friend’ spent at max 2 minutes with me, I tried to be understanding as she was so busy. I’ve not said anything but lots have asked why I wasn’t in the wedding party and all I can say is it’s her choice. I feel so stupid , them being bridesmaids is one thing but I thought we were close enough to make sure I knew and resolved that I had put the friendship on a pedestal and she doesn’t see me the same way. She sent a text today ( a week later ) saying sorry she didn’t get to spend much time with me on the day and that she values our friendship so much and I’m like a sister to her.. but I’m not am I? It’s just got me spiralling and upset again. AIBU?

OP posts:
Chairings · 19/08/2025 18:20

She's NOT your friend.
Step back, drop the rope and focus on other relationships.
She is a user.
I'm sorry, its painful, but best you know.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 19/08/2025 18:21

Did she have a hen do? It does seem odd if you are very close that she didn’t disclose any of her bridesmaids until the actual wedding. That said, it is clear that there is drama between you and the girls she chose to be bridesmaids, maybe she was worried about how you would react.

Frikadelle · 19/08/2025 18:23

That's really cruel of her. She should at least have had the guts to tell you beforehand about who she'd chosen as bridesmaids.

FeistyFrankie · 19/08/2025 18:29

Yeah she's no friend, OP. At least now you know, and can take a step back from this "friendship". She knew what she was doing. She was cruel and completely disregarded your feelings. That text is likely her way of trying to control the post-wedding narrative: it's an attempt to silence you from bringing it up with her, by completely sidestepping it in the first place.

If it were me, I wouldn't even bother responding.

indoorplantqueen · 19/08/2025 18:32

I don’t think you both are best friends. I’d step away from the friendship.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 19/08/2025 18:36

She sent a text today ( a week later ) saying sorry she didn’t get to spend much time with me on the day and that she values our friendship so much and I’m like a sister to her

What an odd text.

Is she always so gushy for no reason?

I find people who are, tend to be a bit fake so maybe that's why you thought your friendship meant more to her than it appears to?

MounjaroMounjaro · 19/08/2025 18:39

Oh I would have such fun writing a reply to that text. She's not your friend, OP. She wouldn't have treated you like that if she was. The others sound like spineless cowards, too.

SpamBeansAndWaffles · 19/08/2025 18:44

That must really hurt. I think you know she's not your best friend . Hugs x

Chairings · 19/08/2025 18:45

I wouldn't dignify her text with a response.

"Like a sister to her" I'd be cringing for her.

What a nasty way to treat a sister!

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Words mean NOTHING. Actions every time.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 19/08/2025 18:45

You are her friend and now you know you aren’t her best friend.

CoffeeCantata · 19/08/2025 18:47

One thing which is certain, unfortunately, is that none of this is accidental- she spun a story about having child bridesmaids and then texted you after the wedding in a guilty, manipulative way to forestall any drama from you, which clearly she was worried about.

Horrible, but at least you know and knowledge is power! You know where you stand and can consider what to do calmly. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of drama - I’d go very quiet and let her do all the running from now on.

PurveyorP · 19/08/2025 18:49

She is trying to keep you as a friend despite knowing that she snubbed you at the wedding. You deserve better.

Silvertulips · 19/08/2025 18:49

I can’t fathom how she wasn’t embarrassed ? Weddings take months to plan, so she kept you out of wedding meetings, dress choices etc?

Did you not get a plus one?

I would guess she’s already fallen out with the other bridesmaids and is coming to you for …. what??

I personally would meet up and see how the land lies and tell her how sad it made you feel.

itsgettingweird · 19/08/2025 18:50

Chairings · 19/08/2025 18:45

I wouldn't dignify her text with a response.

"Like a sister to her" I'd be cringing for her.

What a nasty way to treat a sister!

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Words mean NOTHING. Actions every time.

Everything chair said.

She’s setting you up to be there for her if she should need you.

But she had the chance to show you her words had meaning.

PullTheBricksDown · 19/08/2025 18:56

Sorry, that sounds painful. Do you usually see much of her, is she local to you? It'll be easier if not.
I would seriously consider not replying to that message, which hopefully will give her the message. Couple that with pulling waaaay back as others have said.

MrsMoastyToasty · 19/08/2025 18:56

I'm so glad I chose sisters and neices for my bridesmaids and flower girls. At least I didn't have to choose between about 7 friends.

Silverbirchleaf · 19/08/2025 18:56

Regarding not finding much time to spend time either you on her wedding day, that’s not unusual. It’s such a busy day, and it’s difficult to spend any quality time with anyone. Everyone wants a piece of the bride and groom.

It’s also perfectly acceptable to just have young ones for bridesmaids. However, considering you had lots of conversations about the wedding, bridesmaids etc and she never once said that these other friends would be involved was horrible. I’d be rethinking the friendship also.

TidyDancer · 19/08/2025 19:00

I’m so sorry OP. She really isn’t your friend. I’m not sure I’d bother replying to that message.

CatamaranViper · 19/08/2025 19:02

Ah OP I'm in a similar situation.
My best friend since forever is getting married and hasn't asked me to be bridesmaid, she point blank won't talk about the wedding but suddenly I've been invited to her hen party by one of her other friends who keeps refering to "We've agreed" and "we are organising" so obviously she's chosen them.
I'm hurt but again, I just keep saying I understand and it's her choice. I was bridesmaid at her first wedding and that ended in disaster so I thought it might be that but the other former bridesmaid is part of this "we" group.

All I can say, is at the end of the day it's their choice. If they don't think of you to be their bridesmaid (if they are asking friends) then clearly you're not as close as you think. All you can do is pull back somewhat and nurture other relationship

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 19/08/2025 19:12

Weddings can be a public declaration of ‘these people are special to me, and these people are extra special’. And if you’re not in the category you thought you belong in it can feel very much like a slap.

My closest friend didn’t even invite me to her wedding or the party afterwards 😵‍💫. I’ve barely seen her since, just in passing, and cant work up the enthusiasm to care really 🤷‍♀️.

TidyDancer · 19/08/2025 19:14

I had something similar-ish happen to me. Best friend didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid and I’m fairly sure it’s because I was fat and wouldn’t look good in the chosen dress. She was probably right but it was still hurtful. Friendship has continued but it hurt for a long time. In fact the hurt lasted longer than the marriage tbh!

GhostsInTheWindowsAndWalls · 19/08/2025 19:21

She’s not your best friend, not even a friend really. My bet is that she wants you to think, that she thinks of you as a best friend, so that you are always there when she needs something. I had it done to me years ago, I was upset and shocked for a while, but in the long run it really made me wiser to people in general.

MamaElephantMama · 19/08/2025 19:24

I would drop them all like a shot. Your friend because she couldn’t be up front and lied and those other women because I hate teenage drama.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 19/08/2025 19:24

This person is not your best friend, she's not even your friend.
I wouldn't respond and simply drop her, she's a cunt.

FlamboyantlyIncognito · 19/08/2025 19:41

Actions speak louder than words I'm afraid. Sorry to say that. But clearly you're a friend, just not in her inner group (any more - you might have been in the past........but right now that's not the case). Look; friendships ebb and flow. It's a horrible feeling though, whatever anyone says; I'm sorry you're going through it.