Page 6 | ‘Best friend’ wedding snub

Mariamjam · 2025-08-19T17:18:46+00:00

Sorry for the essay. Best mate (since school) recently got wed and ofc talked endless about all the details including the bridesmaids who she said were all the young members of her family. Whilst I thought it would have been nice to be asked as it’s something we’ve always said we’d do, I understood and resolved that it was role for the little ones. However, on the day I ended up being blind sided as she had friends as bridesmaids too and I only realised as they walked down the aisle and were right in front of me . I have some history with these women for context, they don’t talk to me when their friend is around as we has a fall out a long time ago, however if she’s not around they are fine, (ridiculous given how old we all are). The said girls didn’t speak to me along with others in their little gang which was a bit uncomfortable but there were too many lovely people around to be too bothered. Otherwise, the wedding was beautiful but ‘best friend’ spent at max 2 minutes with me, I tried to be understanding as she was so busy. I’ve not said anything but lots have asked why I wasn’t in the wedding party and all I can say is it’s her choice. I feel so stupid , them being bridesmaids is one thing but I thought we were close enough to make sure I knew and resolved that I had put the friendship on a pedestal and she doesn’t see me the same way. She sent a text today ( a week later ) saying sorry she didn’t get to spend much time with me on the day and that she values our friendship so much and I’m like a sister to her.. but I’m not am I? It’s just got me spiralling and upset again. AIBU?

Helen1625 · 20/08/2025 20:54

Her first text message was to test the water, her second one was creeping because she knows she's behaved badly. "I wasn't going to have friends but..." is just an excuse, a feeble one at that. She's sucking up now. She chose to side with frog. They sound like a bunch of teenage girls, only speaking to people when frog isn't around. No way would I entertain people who only spoke to me when another person wasn't present. It's always incredibly disappointing and hurtful when you think more of a friend than they do of you. You can do better than people like that.

I don't know whether I'd ignore, send an eye roll emoji, or tell her exactly what I think of her.

Donsyb · 20/08/2025 22:31

Mariamjam · 20/08/2025 15:35

I feel embarrassed even writing this as it’s so pathetic but my understanding is that the girl, let’s call her frog, I fell out with kind of runs her little gang and says if someone is dead to her they are dead to them all otherwise they are out of the friendship group. So they all don’t speak to certain people if frog is. around but are fine if she’s not, (really nice in fact). Frog wasn’t one of the bridesmaids but one of her followers was and she has been round my dd a lot over the years, my dd was confused when she just brushed past and didn’t respond to hi. Vile. Others at the wedding had requested to sit far from frog and others said they couldn’t attend if frog was there. There’s 2 sides to every story or even three but I have very good reasons for falling out with frog.

How old are you all? This sounds like the behaviour of 13 year olds!

Original poster

Mariamjam · 20/08/2025 23:05

Donsyb · 20/08/2025 22:31

How old are you all? This sounds like the behaviour of 13 year olds!

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Way too old for all this..

OP posts:

Mikki77 · 20/08/2025 23:17

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 19/08/2025 19:24

This person is not your best friend, she's not even your friend.
I wouldn't respond and simply drop her, she's a cunt.

This ☝

Someone2025 · 20/08/2025 23:24

Chairings · 20/08/2025 20:46

She probably finds the OP useful to have around, thats why she is getting the faux flattery now.

Yeah, I was wondering that too, is the OP useful to her in anyway that she still wants to stay in with her but only superficially

TootSweeties · 21/08/2025 00:01

Gosh this sounds exhausting. When you describe the friendship group it makes me think of a group my DD (10) is on the periphery of and I hope she stays there.

You sound like a lovely friend. And I think your bestie knows she’s made some shitty choices. Cowardly, almost. I’d give her a wide berth and leave the last message as read for a couple of weeks before responding, if you think it’s worth replying to.

pictoosh · 21/08/2025 07:20

Although people refer to these friendship group dynamics as 'childish', I don't think it's behaviour restricted to childhood at all. Adults DO carry on in this way...it's common.

Original poster

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 09:50

tempname1234 · 20/08/2025 11:27

I think she was wrong not to tell you beforehand because it would have not caused you so much hurt. The issue is you have fallen out with a group and from I can interpret from your post, you don’t talk with this group because of one other former friend in this group. So your bride friend as clearly out in a position of only you and none of the group or the group. She could have and should have at least included you in a reading or similar role.

bride was trying to avoid bad feelings and potential issues in her bridal party because clearly you all could not get along for any bridal events.

frankly, if this is bothering you so much, choose either to (1) take steps to talk with the girl or group to move past whatever happened so at least you can get on in one another’s company, (2) choose to ignore what you feel is a slight if you still want to be friends with the bride, or (3) end the friendship. If you choose to end the friendship, at least take the high road and tell her why, then tell her not to contact you anymore. That way you’ll not ever have another touchy situation with the girl/group you don’t speak with.

could you imagine, going forward, your bride friend would forever be out in a position to choose who to invite to gatherings, parties, christenings, birthdays etc of children to come because you don’t talk to a key group of her friends. She’s clearly been having to juggle that for a while.

Another layer to all this is that frog and bride haven’t spoken for three years until recently, they both have different versions of what happened but it’s a combination of bride not obeying her by talking to people she has been told not to, and frog being repulsive to bride’s daughter over a very personal and sensitive matter that I wouldn’t share even anonymously. Frogs version is that bride was sharing personal things about her with others. Frog end of last year unexpectedly invited bride to a big birthday dinner, she said hi to her then didn’t speak again all evening according to bride. Bride reciprocates by giving frog a wedding invite. Frogs response was to be very annoyed that her children weren’t invited too. I asked bride why on earth she went to the birthday dinner and she said it’s the first time any of the group have invited her out since she moved and she sees all their gatherings on socials and it upsets her. I replied you know frog doesn’t like you right and the timing is off she only invited you so you would feel you need to ask her to the wedding? She agreed. And then frog attends and with her uninvited son as she can’t be told anything! I’ve always wished bride had more self worth and don’t know why I expect respect when she doesn’t respect herself.

OP posts:

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/08/2025 10:03

Donsyb · 20/08/2025 22:31

How old are you all? This sounds like the behaviour of 13 year olds!

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Exactly my thoughts 😁
Jeez, I couldn't be doing with any of this shit.
OP, see it as she's done you a massive favour, ditch the lot of their childish arses and find yourself some grown up friends and not a load of ones that sounds like they haven't left the school playground.
Hopefully you can enjoy your new drama less life!

IamJacquelineHigh · 21/08/2025 10:08

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 09:50

Another layer to all this is that frog and bride haven’t spoken for three years until recently, they both have different versions of what happened but it’s a combination of bride not obeying her by talking to people she has been told not to, and frog being repulsive to bride’s daughter over a very personal and sensitive matter that I wouldn’t share even anonymously. Frogs version is that bride was sharing personal things about her with others. Frog end of last year unexpectedly invited bride to a big birthday dinner, she said hi to her then didn’t speak again all evening according to bride. Bride reciprocates by giving frog a wedding invite. Frogs response was to be very annoyed that her children weren’t invited too. I asked bride why on earth she went to the birthday dinner and she said it’s the first time any of the group have invited her out since she moved and she sees all their gatherings on socials and it upsets her. I replied you know frog doesn’t like you right and the timing is off she only invited you so you would feel you need to ask her to the wedding? She agreed. And then frog attends and with her uninvited son as she can’t be told anything! I’ve always wished bride had more self worth and don’t know why I expect respect when she doesn’t respect herself.

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Wow! That's some update!

PotatoLove · 21/08/2025 10:37

She isn't your friend OP.

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/08/2025 10:44

I think a good reply is ‘so is this an apology? It’s hard to tell. Anyway have a nice honeymoon.’

Mydadsbirthday · 21/08/2025 11:07

Sounds like this bride needs a new friendship group herself. She's moved away and has a new husband. Why is she even bothering with these people? And as for you OP allow yourself to feel upset for a bit then move on, and be grateful these people are no longer part of your life!

menopausalfart · 21/08/2025 11:10

Scrape them off. I'd rather be friendless than deal with this amount of drama.

User28473 · 21/08/2025 12:01

Ah, so she wants someone to bitch about Frog with, and Frogs behaviour at the wedding. She can't do that with the other bridesmaids. That is why the sucking up to you now.

I have a family friend from childhood who I have never considered my best friend but more like a close cousin, they took a lot from me and I didn't get much back in return, one final occasion I felt very hurt by them and withdrew my efforts. They confronted me to ask if they'd upset me and rather than be honest, I chose to brush over it and just keep them as an acquaintance. I didn't want the drama and I knew they wouldn't change. I'm happy with my choice as it is far less awkward than a fall out, now I just like their occasional Facebook posts and there is no drama as they don't live locally. I would suggest going the same way, as the bride can't undo her bad choices so you can't resolve it. Accept if she wants to visit but don't make the effort yourself etc let it fizzle out.

Original poster

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 12:38

User28473 · 21/08/2025 12:01

Ah, so she wants someone to bitch about Frog with, and Frogs behaviour at the wedding. She can't do that with the other bridesmaids. That is why the sucking up to you now.

I have a family friend from childhood who I have never considered my best friend but more like a close cousin, they took a lot from me and I didn't get much back in return, one final occasion I felt very hurt by them and withdrew my efforts. They confronted me to ask if they'd upset me and rather than be honest, I chose to brush over it and just keep them as an acquaintance. I didn't want the drama and I knew they wouldn't change. I'm happy with my choice as it is far less awkward than a fall out, now I just like their occasional Facebook posts and there is no drama as they don't live locally. I would suggest going the same way, as the bride can't undo her bad choices so you can't resolve it. Accept if she wants to visit but don't make the effort yourself etc let it fizzle out.

You are right, why didn’t I clock this. She literally said in the first message that she has so much behind the scenes gossip to share when we next meet up!!

She’s now posting gushing messages about her Chief Bridesmaids and how they are sisters to her on socials alongside photos. She’s actually hilarious.

Yep I think this may go the same way although I have to also consider my relationship with her twins who are my god children. I’ve been so caught up in upset I hadn’t considered this. I would love to know they did in their GCSEs today but I’ll wait for the inevitable socials post or for them to tell my dd.

OP posts:

Onthebusses · 21/08/2025 12:39

What is it that you provide for her that she finds so invaluable that she feels she should lie to you and keep you hanging by a thread under some false pretence of friendship in order to carry on receiving that thing?

Americano75 · 21/08/2025 12:40

She's a shitehawk. I honestly wouldn't bother, in my experience people like her are just not worth it.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/08/2025 12:42

menopausalfart · 21/08/2025 11:10

Scrape them off. I'd rather be friendless than deal with this amount of drama.

Same 😁 honestly, I just couldn't be arsed.

Original poster

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 12:51

Onthebusses · 21/08/2025 12:39

What is it that you provide for her that she finds so invaluable that she feels she should lie to you and keep you hanging by a thread under some false pretence of friendship in order to carry on receiving that thing?

Someone to vent about frog to who gets it but then again quite a few of us have come over to the light so she can also get that from others. I’m not overly generous with her kids I don’t think. I’ve lent her money but that’s historic and I used to baby sit her eldest a lot but the kids are all older now. I’ll have to give this more thought.

OP posts:

Someone2025 · 21/08/2025 12:58

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 09:50

Another layer to all this is that frog and bride haven’t spoken for three years until recently, they both have different versions of what happened but it’s a combination of bride not obeying her by talking to people she has been told not to, and frog being repulsive to bride’s daughter over a very personal and sensitive matter that I wouldn’t share even anonymously. Frogs version is that bride was sharing personal things about her with others. Frog end of last year unexpectedly invited bride to a big birthday dinner, she said hi to her then didn’t speak again all evening according to bride. Bride reciprocates by giving frog a wedding invite. Frogs response was to be very annoyed that her children weren’t invited too. I asked bride why on earth she went to the birthday dinner and she said it’s the first time any of the group have invited her out since she moved and she sees all their gatherings on socials and it upsets her. I replied you know frog doesn’t like you right and the timing is off she only invited you so you would feel you need to ask her to the wedding? She agreed. And then frog attends and with her uninvited son as she can’t be told anything! I’ve always wished bride had more self worth and don’t know why I expect respect when she doesn’t respect herself.

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This is all very very strange behaviour, both ( frog & bride ) seem to be emotionally very immature

So in the past frog didn’t want bride to speak to certain people and at brides wedding bride didn’t want you speaking to certain people, is it normal in your friendship group for ‘friends’ to try and control other ‘friends’

Original poster

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 13:05

Someone2025 · 21/08/2025 12:58

This is all very very strange behaviour, both ( frog & bride ) seem to be emotionally very immature

So in the past frog didn’t want bride to speak to certain people and at brides wedding bride didn’t want you speaking to certain people, is it normal in your friendship group for ‘friends’ to try and control other ‘friends’

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No

OP posts:

TheSandgroper · 21/08/2025 13:06

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 12:38

You are right, why didn’t I clock this. She literally said in the first message that she has so much behind the scenes gossip to share when we next meet up!!

She’s now posting gushing messages about her Chief Bridesmaids and how they are sisters to her on socials alongside photos. She’s actually hilarious.

Yep I think this may go the same way although I have to also consider my relationship with her twins who are my god children. I’ve been so caught up in upset I hadn’t considered this. I would love to know they did in their GCSEs today but I’ll wait for the inevitable socials post or for them to tell my dd.

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If you are both old enough to have kids going into A levels, this is way too juvenile. At least you have incontrovertible proof of who she is.

Because of the godchildren, ghosting wouldn’t be appropriate but I would certainly start controlling the relationship shots rather than just being on the receiving end. But much of your relationship with the godchildren can be done directly now.

Original poster

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 13:15

TheSandgroper · 21/08/2025 13:06

If you are both old enough to have kids going into A levels, this is way too juvenile. At least you have incontrovertible proof of who she is.

Because of the godchildren, ghosting wouldn’t be appropriate but I would certainly start controlling the relationship shots rather than just being on the receiving end. But much of your relationship with the godchildren can be done directly now.

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I think it’s too juvenile for any aged adults ?

OP posts:

Onthebusses · 21/08/2025 13:49

Mariamjam · 21/08/2025 12:51

Someone to vent about frog to who gets it but then again quite a few of us have come over to the light so she can also get that from others. I’m not overly generous with her kids I don’t think. I’ve lent her money but that’s historic and I used to baby sit her eldest a lot but the kids are all older now. I’ll have to give this more thought.

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Someone to vent to is valuable.

It could be she's chosen that group over you. It would have been awkward to have you all so she picked a few bridesmaids over just the one. She's a coward and doesn't value you.

Or she just doesn't see you that way as that close a friend, then again she did say she 'valued your friendship' and that's not something you say to just a mate. Still, when I got married I had my oldest closest friends and though I did value a friendship of another lady I invited, she wasn't in the party, she was new, the others were like siblings.

So whether she needs your listening ear or she just chickened out of including you, neither says she values you, just what you provide.