Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

[StrugglingSM28]

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

Of course his mortgage going up by a large amount is a problem. I dont know what would be a fair share in the circumstances. But this arguing about who pays for what doesn't really bode very well for the future.

Well when a man moves into a woman’s house the general consensus is he pays 1/2 food and bills and rent or he’s a cock lodger

OP is going 1/2 on food so fair enough the bills/utilities will be 1/2 hers so by paying 95%she’s picking a chunk of his

as I said it’s impossible to say without knowing how much she’s paying
but at a guess based on my own cost

c tax 240
water 80
gas/e 280
b band 40

total £640

OP paying 95% £608
her 1/2 £320
which means she’s paying £288 extra

you wouldn’t even get a house share for that so I don’t think she’s being financially exploited

housework and bills 2 separate issues
housework simple solved do your share and no more

as I said without knowing how much she pays both of us are just guessing

Have a relationship without living together.

Wow he did well moving you in, didn't he.
He cannot afford to live there, what is HE doing about that ?!!!

Bingo! My thoughts too

^ This

Why did you tell him about the pay rise! You aren’t married, you pay loads already. Basically he wants you to pay for everything AND do everything.

I wouldn't be doing any of thos for a man. Not even a %. Let him.be an effing man not only in bed

Why the hell should she pay ALL his bills?!?! 💸

When and if we are married and he hasn't got kids and can be devoted only to me , then yes, I'll revisit.

You need to take half out of the joint savings account and put it into an ISA in your own name. Tell him to withdraw the rest abd do likewise.
I seriously think you need to sit him down and ask him how he thinks it's fair that you pay 95% of bills? Its ridiculous.

Exactly. especially as he has his children 50 50.

Heres how I would do it and kind of how I did do it.

Split the housework - otherwise resentment builds

Continue to split the food bill from a joint account - especially since the cost of this fluctuates a lot

Split the household bills such as electricity/water/gas/internet from a joint account - again these things fluctuate a lot

You both own houses with mortgages - your tenants pay off yours, so that’s great as your mortgage is getting paid off. Then you split his mortgage 50/50. That way you are both paying the exact same per month and both getting your mortgages paid off. Maybe just pay your own council tax each etc and if your tenants payment does not fully cover all the mortgage then work that out so you both split the difference. But you get my point, work it out so it’s 50/50, Because in the end when you buy a house together, that’s what you’ll be doing anyways?

Now, with regards to him earning a higher salary that creates another topic of conversation. Is he willing to pay a higher percentage? Do you want him to pay a higher percentage. E.g a 60/40 split on all of the above.

In the end I think you both want to feel like you arnt paying more than before and that one is not benefiting more than the other, finance wise.

Whats do you actually mean by your property is rented out but makes a loss? That your rental income doesn't cover your mortgage?

!

option1 ;
he pays the mortgage entirely, you both 50/50 all bills (unless its something that increases the house value then nope - on him)
BOTH do 50/50 housework etc

option 2;
you move out and let this child crack on, he is using you

I would go for option 2 to be honest, especially as you are making a loss on your house. Go home.

Answer me one question: have you seen physical documents evidencing that the mortgage has gone up £800 per month?

Because I suspect he's lying to you about this to get more cash out of you. What a coincidence that the mortgage happens to go up the moment you get a pay rise eh?

If you havent seen proof then ask for it and if you get a whole load of abuse back saying "dont you trust me- how could you treat me this way" then you know for sure he is gaslighting you.

Honey, I'd be moving back out again, and don't be doing joint savings, you both need to halve that money, and save it separately. He could clear that account at any moment, and if he's struggling with his mortgage increase, he may well start dipping into your shared savings.

It sounds like he's got it very convenient with you paying all the bills and doing all the housework (let's face it 95% is practically all), with him getting resentful towards your payrise and having children added into the mix, you would be sensible to walk away from this relationship and back into your own home, or become a lodger until you can get your own home back.

You say you're paying equivalent to market rate for renting a room with bills paid - yet no doubt you don't have your own room, you're likely sharing a room, plus doing his 50% of housekeeping duties. He's making a mug of you and has an audacity to complain and want you to pay even more. It's not YOUR fault his mortgage has gone up and he's living beyond his means.

And don't go buying a house with this chancer, if he doesn't do housework in his own home, he'll not lift a finger in a shared home either.

OP after someone mentioned your previous threads I had a look and can see as well as what you’ve said here, he thinks you should also do the majority of the childcare and parenting of his DC while he sits on his arse playing with his phone. Then accuses you of not loving them enough.

He’s a useless low effort father and a selfish scrounging twat as a partner.

Please don’t even think about selling your home to buy with him, he will bleed you dry and tell you it’s all your fault.

Just dump him.
What a loser.

Absolutely put your foot down!
He should pay his own mortgage, his personal bills (including child maintenance) and the household should be 50/50 - housework, not just bills!
When you buy a place together, I would reevaluate the % based on your individual income, unless you’re wanting to combine them.

It’s a very good deal for you. You’re living there rent free whilst also siphoning off 40% of someone else’s paycheque to pay your mortgage

Why do you want to be with him??

I know it’s so depressing and I don’t quite understand it. I hardly know any women like this in real life, but I know they’re about.
On one hand I’m like each to their own but then it’s annoying as it lowers the standards for everyone.

I’ve had men act surprised/annoyed when they’ve tried to pull a fast one on me and I’ve called it out and got out of that situation. It’s as if some men are so used to exploiting woman and getting away with it they feel it’s an injustice if you don’t go along with it.

I typically don’t date men with kids but I was talking to this man who mentioned he had a kid and that he liked “ambitious women”.

I saw immediately what he was after (childcare and a purse!) and turned it around on him. I said that if I ever moved in with a man who had dependents I’d expect him to pay the vast majority of the household costs. He pretended to agree that he thought that was fair because the way I laid it out he couldn’t really disagree. But his energy changed and I didn’t hear from him again 😆

Why oh why the fuck do you do 95% of the cooking and cleaning? For an adult man and his children? Stop stop stop!! Why can’t he adult more?? How do you respect that? You don’t clean with your vagina.

This is one of those situations where 'when someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time' applies.

He's greedy, and lazy, and happy to exploit you both financially and domestically. That's what his behaviour is telling you.

"I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here."
How the hell did that come about? What did he do before you became his skivvy?

I'd leave.