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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

402 replies

StrugglingSM28 · 19/08/2025 16:38

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

OP posts:
RedRock41 · 19/08/2025 19:41

Without seeing the actual figures it’s impossible to say what’s fair and what’s not. Agree that non financial contributions count too though. £800 increase in mortgage payments without a corresponding rise in his income, depending on his baseline could be a challenge. Sounds like you’re both wanting to optimise what’s fair to you both as individuals not as a couple and are keeping your options open.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2025 19:54

RedRock41 · 19/08/2025 19:41

Without seeing the actual figures it’s impossible to say what’s fair and what’s not. Agree that non financial contributions count too though. £800 increase in mortgage payments without a corresponding rise in his income, depending on his baseline could be a challenge. Sounds like you’re both wanting to optimise what’s fair to you both as individuals not as a couple and are keeping your options open.

You don’t need actual figures, you have the %s.

the bloke pays off his own mortgage which only belongs to him so that’s moot, as is the ops house.

the only %s which are relevant are the bills/housework/food.
op should be paying about 40% bills and food (as it’s his kids who live there he should be paying solely for), and they should be doing 50/50 housework.

op pays 95% so it is absolutely baffling why he is asking for more, or why she is putting up with it.

you should have said no from the start op. He is clearly just using you.

could he afford to live in his house now without you? If no, then he is obviously just using you.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 19/08/2025 19:54

Please tell me you’re not planning on having kids with this man?

RedRock41 · 19/08/2025 19:57

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2025 19:54

You don’t need actual figures, you have the %s.

the bloke pays off his own mortgage which only belongs to him so that’s moot, as is the ops house.

the only %s which are relevant are the bills/housework/food.
op should be paying about 40% bills and food (as it’s his kids who live there he should be paying solely for), and they should be doing 50/50 housework.

op pays 95% so it is absolutely baffling why he is asking for more, or why she is putting up with it.

you should have said no from the start op. He is clearly just using you.

could he afford to live in his house now without you? If no, then he is obviously just using you.

Show quote history

BS you don’t need the figures and detail. Try telling any Judge or divorcé solicitor you don’t need the figures but we’ll provide %!? For good reason. % not enough.

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/08/2025 19:59

Takenoprisoner · 19/08/2025 16:45

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here

Why on earth are you doing this? this is madness? Honestly you're just servicing his life as well as his children's. I don't even know where to start with the finances.

Honestly just move out. He sees you as a domestic appliance and is now seeing you as a cash cow.

This.

StarlightRobot · 19/08/2025 20:01

I would move out.

Cassertta · 19/08/2025 20:02

Sorry I clocked the wrong button so delete me from the 3%.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/08/2025 20:03

How did he survive before you moved in ?

tho guess mortgage was less

but no way should you pay 95% of the bills

50/50

Linenpickle · 19/08/2025 20:05

He’s robbing you!!!!

Kisskiss · 19/08/2025 20:06

You’re paying a fair amount- like you said bills and rent in that area . What’s his point? Why does he actually think you should pay more? The mortgage is his problem, it’s his house!!!

Mauvehoodie · 19/08/2025 20:07

Kreepture · 19/08/2025 18:56

Nope, i can read.. i clocked he is paying his mortagage.. but that shouldn't absolve him from his 50% share of the household bills.

OP is having to cover the shortfall on her own mortgage and pay 95% of their bills.. and he wants more while earning considerably more than she does?

Fuck off. (him, not you, lol)

Edited
Show quote history

I totally agree, it's just some others seemed to think OP was paying 95% of mortgage too. She's right not to contribute to the mortgage but it would be a whole other level of CF on his part if he had her paying 95% of that also!

Washingupdone · 19/08/2025 20:07

Firstly, with your wage increase pay more of your own house mortgage off. The more mortgage you pay off will stand you in good stead for your future.
The more of your money you pay towards his bills is lost money.
At the moment he is paying his mortgage on his property, his investment. he should also be pay a percentage of all the bills considering his children are using the place.

Mulledjuice · 19/08/2025 20:07

Takenoprisoner · 19/08/2025 16:45

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here

Why on earth are you doing this? this is madness? Honestly you're just servicing his life as well as his children's. I don't even know where to start with the finances.

Honestly just move out. He sees you as a domestic appliance and is now seeing you as a cash cow.

This.

What "few snide remarks" are we talking about?

rwalker · 19/08/2025 20:09

Without knowing how much u pay it’s impossible to to say if you are being ripped off

Enrichetta · 19/08/2025 20:14

rwalker · 19/08/2025 20:09

Without knowing how much u pay it’s impossible to to say if you are being ripped off

There is quite enough information to show that she is being exploited.

she is doing 95% of the bloody housework!! Probably looking after his kids as well.

Rewis · 19/08/2025 20:19

Mortgage going up by £800/mo would stress anyone.

You need to sit down and go over your finances and monthly outgoings. How much you guys currently pay and how much he would have to pay if you were not around. How much you're paying and how much you would be paying if you lived in your own house. Then come up with a fair number. There will be a lot of opinions on what that is, but it is what makes both of you happy.

Also, stop doing 95% of the housework. He should be doing 50%. More when the kids are around.

Bellavida99 · 19/08/2025 20:20

Everyone is ignoring the fact you’re getting rent for your house as you’ve moved in with him. So I think what you’re paying is completely fair. If you look at it this way - you pay your mortgage, he pays his mortgage and you use the rent that you get from renting out your place to pay the bills so you both effectively benefit from free bills by moving in together and renting out your place. I don’t agree with people say why aren’t you only paying half the bills.

Braygirlnow · 19/08/2025 20:25

Kreepture · 19/08/2025 18:56

Nope, i can read.. i clocked he is paying his mortagage.. but that shouldn't absolve him from his 50% share of the household bills.

OP is having to cover the shortfall on her own mortgage and pay 95% of their bills.. and he wants more while earning considerably more than she does?

Fuck off. (him, not you, lol)

Edited
Show quote history

So by paying 95% bills he is saving money in this relationship but op is paying what she would if she was not in this relationship, and has the pleasure of doing his cooking and cleaning...ffs! Get your money out of that joint account now! He is taking you for a mug!

GrumblyHedge · 19/08/2025 20:28

InMyShowgirlEra · 19/08/2025 19:23

How is it anonymity if she's kept the same name?

Show quote history

Her real life identity, obviously.

JLou08 · 19/08/2025 20:35

FlippityFlippityFlop · 19/08/2025 16:45

You've been together 18 months - that's not that long in the grand scheme of things.
If I were you I would only be putting money for bills into the shared account. You need to keep your savings separate for when/if you buy together.
How much are you paying? And what is he paying. His children's costs are his alone!

I agree with this.
A joint account after 18 months with someone you're not married to seems mad to Mr.

WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 19/08/2025 20:36

Braygirlnow · 19/08/2025 20:25

So by paying 95% bills he is saving money in this relationship but op is paying what she would if she was not in this relationship, and has the pleasure of doing his cooking and cleaning...ffs! Get your money out of that joint account now! He is taking you for a mug!

Show quote history

This.

Snide remarks? You're paying 95% and doing almost all the household tasks? He is taking the absolute piss. Best to get your savings out whilst they're still there and go back to your own property as soon as you can. Good luck OP.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2025 20:39

Oh. My. God.

I’ve just read/realised that this is the same poster whose partner lies around on his phone whilst she does all the parenting of his kids and he actually managed to convince her that she was the problem for not loving them enough.

your therapist even told you that he was the entire problem if memory serves.

is there any way anyone can help you realise that this man is utter scum op?

Enrichetta · 19/08/2025 20:39

Look, you are probably going to ignore most of the advice here, especially with regard to LTB. However, can you at least do 2 things:

  • stop doing 95% of the housework
  • retrieve whatever £££ you put into the joint account
YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 19/08/2025 20:41

He is treating you as a housekeeper / piggy bank. Move out, as this will only get worse.

Climbingrosexx · 19/08/2025 20:44

When I moved in with my now husband we went 50/50 on the bills but the mortgage was his as I had no claim on the house. I had sold my home and all I had was a small amount of equity to put towards our own home which left me in a very precarious position for over a year. Sorry but his mortgage and his kids are his responsibility, you have your own house you are responsible for and it sounds like you are already contributing more than your share.