Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

[StrugglingSM28]

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

The fact that you rent out your own house at a loss is a red herring.
How many children do you have and how many nights do they sleep at his house?
How much do all the bills cost and how much extra is spent on food?
If it was just the 2 of you I’d say you should split all the bills and food costs 50/50 but he pays the mortgage solely as it’s solely his house. However, with children thrown into the mix, the split would be less even.
Stop doing all the housework - again this is a red herring regarding finances.

Edit: sorry, I’ve realised you don’t have any kids!

Walk away
he is the sort who will make you pay the full amount of mortgage :
& bills while on maternity leave

you will pay all the cost for your joint child yourself including the full cost of childcare and other child related stuff

your young
probably attractive
got a good job with prospects

why are you settling for a tight ass man with 2 kids

set your bar higher
get a bloke that your equal to
your worth as a single professional women with her own house and good job will get not be higher if you stay with this man

in a few years you will be back on here moaning about the step kids and his ability to only put them first and you and your child last

He is telling you loud and clear he wants and expects access to your money and expects you to roll over and submit nicely to him
while doing 95 percent of the cleaning and paying for the privilege of subsidizing his kids

I haven't voted but OP is getting rent for the house she rents out and is paying the equivalent of a room in a house inclusive of bills. So I can understand why partner might perceive this as OP getting a better deal. She is living in a house.
Who pays for food shopping?

Sounds like you're getting a pretty good deal. You should pay 50% of the market rate for rent of a whole house plus 50% of the bills.

I think he saw you coming.
I’d end this relationship and move out .
you are being used.

I'm sorry... why do you think it's fair that you are paying 95% of the bills?! I agree that he should cover his mortgage and you should cover the shortfall on your own property, but there are two people who are living in his house full time, and two children who are entirely his (and his ex's) financial responsibility, who are there part time.

I'm sorry, I couldn't give a crap about his other bills like child maintenance for his own children and any other expenses he has for his own children. He should be paying more than half of the bills, because he and his children make up more than 50% of the occupancy of the property. He CERTAINLY should not be paying only 5%! And yes it might mean that he can't save as much as you would be able to - that's tough titties isn't it, on account of the fact that he he has children that he is jointly responsible for.

If I were you I'd adjust my contribution to the household bills to reflect a fairer rate of occupancy and how much you put into savings for a property together is up to you, but I'd save it in a solo account not a joint one, and when you buy together get legal advice on protecting your investment as an unmarried person. Because currently you're screwed if he wipes out the savings, or if you two break up and he withdraws the savings, you've got zero legal protection or comeback. You're subsidising his kids -and him - stop that already!

Oh and your user name is very telling
StrugglingSM28

struggling stepmother 28
by any chance 😂
you are 28 and see yourself as a struggling stepmother
just stop right now ffs

1st your not a stepmother your the kids dads girlfriend

2 @ 28 with your own home and a professional career he should be worshiping the ground you walk on
not trying to screw you over
your the golden fucking goose for him and he can’t even treat you with respect

is the dating scene that bad that you will honestly settle for this

your young
why the fuck would you want to be a step mother to 2 kids who’d father is an ungrateful wanker

I expect this made sense in your head when you wrote it……. But can you show your workings as I for one can’t see the logic..

You might be paying your “fair share” and that’s fine 18m in. But you’ve shacked up with a man who has children and those children aren’t going to disappear or get less expensive. So you might want to have a think about what sort of life you want with this person - because if you want to pay “your half” and have the holidays etc that you want, his budget might not stretch to paying half.

My own view is that if you choose a life partner who has children, you accept those children as part of the deal, including when it comes to splitting finances. Alternatively I suppose you could take separate holidays and dine out separately (because he can’t afford it as often as you). But that’s not a life partnership.

I've done this with other people's children, rarely works out I think and could get difficult further down the line. I would move out, keep your finances separate and see where it goes.

HRTFT but I’d move back into your own home. You’re making a loss renting it out, and he’ll be able to consider what a good deal he had with you.

You, on the other hand, may see what you lost by moving in with him.

Oh, and take your part of the joint savings with you.

ETA I didn’t mean to quote this post, sorry!

I don’t understand this arrangement at all. It’s his house and you have no legal right to it, so he needs to pay full mortgage regardless, and then the rest of the bills should be split 50/50. If you weren’t living with him, he would be paying them by himself anyway. Especially if you are doing basically all of the housework, cooking etc. I think a 50% contribution to the bills and food and then all the housework is more than enough. Not that I agree with you doing all the housework and cooking, but if that’s the way you are wanting to work it, then I would say that’s fair.

Why is your house being rented at a loss? Surely you can’t afford to do that? Why don’t you just sell it?

Surely it's self explanatory. She has moved into a house, it's reasonable that she pays for that privilege. The correct rate would be the market rate of what the rent would be for the house divided by two as her partner also lives there. Bills split equally between two. If this is more than she's contributing now she's getting a great deal. Seeing as she's done her calculations based on the rental value of a room then shes paying way lower than she should be.

WHY DOESNT THE MAN BABY DO HOUSEWORK?

Please ensure your joint savings are safe from being emptied by him.

How is it anonymity if she's kept the same name?

Actually I take some of that back - I forgot to account for his kids who are there 50% of the time, so actually you should be paying less than 50% of the bills in my opinion.

But if additional money is used to pay the mortgage, she can later claim she’s got an entitlement to the house. She isn’t a tenant because she has none of the rights that tenants have; more of a lodger.

You are already bailing him out. He has a house he can't afford. He can only afford it because you are there and contributing. What would he do if you moved back to your place?

I don’t understand this arrangement at all. It’s his house and you have no legal right to it, so he needs to pay full mortgage regardless, and then the rest of the bills should be split 50/50

I don't think she should be living there rent free though- unless she agrees to put the equivalent of rent into a joint savings account.

But if her partner is covering the mortgage, some bills, half the food, expenses for his children etc (and I think that it's fair that he does), then I can also see that he may not be able to save as much as she does. Regardless of what's fair, this is the practicality of the situation.

With regard to the housework etc though, I wouldn't be standing for that!!

What about…

• his kids
• she is doing 95% of the housework
• she is loosing money renting out her own property

And now he wants her to contribute to the mortgage on HIS property.
Plus he could empty the entire joint account at any time.

Edit: I’m willing to bet that doing 95% of housework also had includes childcare…

Approx figures here
Market rent £1200
Bills £600
Food £600
Monthly costs £2400 OP pays half = £1200
Op says she pays rent equivalent to 95% of bills and half of food, so using my figures that would be £870

I would be asking myself if his real reason for sharing his home with you was to halve his outgoings. You are paying a lot already, luckily you were sensible and kept your own home. I’d be making plans to move back into it. It sounds like he’s rinsing you for all he can get. I know this probably isn’t the response you wanted to hear, but I’d run, a mile.

I think you should move out and move back into your house until you want to sell it, then when you buy a house together it will be on equal terms.
if you are paying rent, then all bills like heating etc should be halved, and housework too. This is a crazy arrangement.

Nothing to add OP - he’s a user. This is not an equal partnership.