To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

Op I think you’re satisfying your parents desires to a certain extent. I’d defo move out of the family home get a life of your own. You have been the golden child following their dreams and desires of you. Probably put too much pressure on you. Would you like London or would that be too much? Anyways you defo need to move out of your parents home as I think they are making everything worse.

I get you want to be a parent - however you can come and live in my house and see how a busy household can run - sahm after high earning in London with lots of cash. It’s dull as dishwasher. Bored stupid 🤣

Yes cleaners / gardeners etc on tap. Nice holidays. But omg picking up dirty socks and running after kids / driving them around is no joy. It’s not all rosey being a mum.

You need something inside you that makes you tick :-) any hobbies?

Enjoy your life. Travel the world until you get locked in either by kids / ill health or cash issues. Plenty of different opportunities out there. Just because you did law does not mean you have to do it loads of transferable skills. Any graduate jobs going?

One chance do it…. Or you will live to regret it.

Be happy as that’s worth a million pounds

Yes exactly. We all have been through things ....then we cannot predict how the kids will be

Have faith

Why can't you afford it when you live at home?

My friends daughter got her degree. She wanted to see the world. So has done the following.

Chalet person at a European ski resort.

Waiting on crew on a ship,

Horse stabling care at a Greek resort.

She's spending a year in Australia at the moment, working and travelling.

Now and again she comes home and works in hospitality.

You can travel and earn enough money to live.

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Rather that throw in the towel now, why not complete your solicitor training for nothing more than an insert on your CV. You already have quite a bit under your belt and sound like a late developer. With this modern world, there are lots of variations with your experience. As for the roses around the cottage door and 2.4 kids, a dog and a girl and boy, non of us can predict what life will throw at us. You may fall in love with someone from the deep south of the US and have four boys. You can't look into a crystal ball. Go forth and be brave, explore and only do what feels right for you.

I think you need to take a break once you qualify. Because you’ll be making big life decisions with low self esteem while exhausted. I’m 12pqe and have experienced the same at various points in my career.

It may be that it’s the law that you hate, or you may hate the partnership model and perhaps you would enjoy the work if you moved in house to a not for profit or charity.

if I were you, I would work with a counsellor to identify your strengths and your values- and then work through which parts of the legal industry would allow you to work in keeping with your values and your strengths - so that you don’t experience burnout again.

You’re still young though so whatever you decide, you have time to pivot and adjust until you find the right role for you.

You're 26. You've barely even started.

You posted a similar thread a year ago didn’t you? I remember you hating your job, living at home and watching F1 with your dad.
I think I would move out asap if you’re still wallowing in these feelings? At least it’s a change

My eldest qualified worked four years for various employers. Was so depressed he came home. That didn't fix him. We said what do you want to do. He didn't know. We said look you've no ties just look for something different.

Well he found it in the Caribbean. Same career but on an island. Surfing before and after work. Boating, nipping across to the USA for long weekends. We missed him terribly but face time was a god send. He came home every Christmas. Eventually after six years he was ready for home. He'd learnt so much from his American employer he was confident enough to start his own business.

Firstly, you’ve been on a low wage because you were still training. The money goes up considerably in the first few years after qualifying, it’s not a great financial decision to give up now you’re on the cusp of earning bigger bucks. Try a different firm, or CPS or in house before you give up without reaping the benefits of your hard work.
Secondly, if you want a nice house and a garden and be able to support 2 children, you need a good job to be able to provide all this. Unless you think you can find a rich enough husband who is happy for you not to work.
If you really do want to quit law, then think very carefully about what you can do instead, including costing retraining. Make a plan.
If you want a relationship, put yourself out there and think about how you are going to meet the right person. The young people in my family have mostly met their partners on Bumble or similar, but you can think about how to maximise real life opportunities to meet people, by getting out there and socialising.
Plenty of lawyers ( including me) have found time to meet someone and build a relationship, and plenty ( including me) have left the profession and built another career. I moved on after a couple of decades, I stayed lawyering because I realised I could work part time and earn the same as many people earn fulltime, and that worked for me while I had small children.
I’d add that one of my DC learns more than I ever did working in IT, programming and developing systems. Is that something you could consider?

So, so many people are in the same boat as you. They made decisions in their 20s that seemed like the right choice at the time but turned out not to be. Luckily, you're only 26 - plenty of time to course correct. I re-trained as a teacher in my 30s - best decision I ever made. I got married in my 20s, but that was a big mistake I later had to undo. I have led an exciting life and lived all over the world, but none of that really got started until I hit 30. Your life has barely begun, and you still have all that potential waiting to be used. Come back when you're 70 and tell us whether you still think you wasted it.

You need a holiday.

This might be a little controversial but to me settling down, having kids and a dog and a house now would be more of a waste than the amazing achievements you have racked up already at your age! You have plenty of time to tick those boxes- be free for a while! Do you fancy trying volunteering overseas? Or maybe working on a cruise ship? On a farm? The world is your oyster, you clever young woman. You have years ahead. Go have some bloody fun and stop feeling sorry for yourself (said with kindness!) x

You can do any graduate programme with your degree. You could go and work in the charity sector and help people. You could keep you NMW job while you figure out what you want to do or be.

I think SM tries to convince you all that if you’re not fully sorted by 25 you failed. It’s rubbish. One woman at my work was living at Mums at 30, by 32 she’s bought a house with her partner and they’re expecting a baby!

Life can turn on a sixpence. Try to find contentment in the now… mindfulness… and have some dreams that can become reality for the future. 😊

It’s not all rosey being a mum, but I’ve really enjoyed it once my kids were old enough to tell me what they wanted. I’ve never found it dull, and I’m not bored because I’ve figured out how to do some things I like to do and either involve the kids or leave them to their own devices for a while. Plus, while my kids have their issues - ADHD, some emotional regulation problems at times - I think they’re fun and interesting people.

You can say that again! Thankfully I’m off to Italy in a few weeks

Well I have a very handsome , polite and caring (health professional) son who is 25 and thinks that there are no nice single girls left in the world, so if you are up for a blind date!!! Just let me know.
First Mumsnet blind date 🙂🙂

You are so young and already so skilled. You’ll do well to realise now that everything is part of the journey. Three years is nothing!

Not me, sad there’s more than one of us though. It feels like social media has ruined so much for my generation to be honest x

Not outside of city law it doesn’t. I had a conversation with a colleague who’s just been made a partner and, as such, seen the wage structure for the firm. I was looking at a raise of about £1000 a year on qualification. It’s horrifying

I’ve got home and had some dinner which always helps, and I’m going to have a bath now 🤣 I think I do just need some space. I definitely went down a path that was very set for me, but I’ve finally taken a step toward coming off that path. I think for the next year I’m just going to focus on finding me, who I am, who I want to be and what I want to do. I’m going to set myself some goals, I want to pick up at least three sociable hobbies (one of which is going to be park run!), I want to take at least one solo trip (abroad) and I want to commit to a social activity at least once a week

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There are many of us with fancy degrees whose dole dream in life was a man and a child

Sole. And many of us were almost made obliged todo it , I mean the degree was obliged