To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

I wanted to say that I hear you. My 20s were a very tough time for me too, and I felt like I'd wasted my life and potential (I ended up in a futile and badly paid research job), and my relationships weren't a great sucess either.

However, I also wanted to say that just because you feel this way now, doesn't mean that you'll feel this way forever.

For instance, could you use your law qualification simply as a platform to move on to other, non-lawyer, roles?

I know that it's so painful to be in this position, but can you hang in there and take small steps to help you get in a better place?

I also think that certain people go into certain professions or get certain qualifications due to family expectations (or because you think it's the "right" thing to do, and it seems to be relatively common to feel horrible existential angst when you realise you can't stand this profession.

When you're 26 you don't realise that you're still really, really young.

You might change careers two or three times between now and finding what you actually want to do. You might never find the one thing you love so much you want to do it your whole life, and do lots of rewarding things for short stretches of time.

You've qualified as a solicitor- even if you never practise, that's a huge achievement and the transferrable skills are numerous and will be recognised in any role.

You have so much time to buy a house, meet a partner, have babies if that's what you choose. You're not behind.

That's great that you want to own your own home, but you don't have to do it in your twenties. Most people don't, because housing in the UK is expensive. Absolutely save towards it as a goal, but you don't need to worry about buying somewhere to live imminently.

Can I gently suggest that maybe moving away from your small town and to somewhere a bit livelier might help? It doesn't have to be a big city if that's not your thing, but a town with more going on, more people your age, and more for you to get involved with outside of work would do wonders for you.

I get it, we all have ideal futures mapped out for us in our heads. But we also have to be prepared to let life change us and be open to new opportunities. When I was your age I thought I'd be married with kids in the suburbs by the age I am now. I thought that was what I wanted because it was the only life I saw growing up. However, once I started mixing with a wider range of people of different ages and backgrounds, and saw a multiplicity of different ways to live a life, I realised that I didn't want those things and that was ok. I'm now nearly 40, single, childfree, living in a flat in central London, and absolutely loving the life I never imagined for a minute I would have when I was 26.

You don't know what you don't know. And you won't learn anything new unless you shake your life up and allow yourself to meet new people and have new experiences beyond the limited ones you have had so far.

I think in many ways you are fortunate, OP. Some people realise these things when they have very little life left to live! You’re young, you have taken control of your life and you’ve made a change - that’s brilliant. And if you don’t like the next job, guess what! You just try something new again and see if that is more fulfilling/enjoyable. Before I had kids, I changed industry twice before finally finding the career that I love - you have time!

I think with this new change, it’s also important to think about whether you’re putting too much weight on your career being the thing that makes you happy. Yes, it needs to be enjoyable and fulfilling but to really enjoy life, you need to make sure you’re enjoying life away from work. Meeting friends, hobbies, travel - what ever you can afford/want to do/have the time or energy for. Some people are totally driven in life by work and get great fulfilment from career success. It’s okay if that’s not you and if you find that work is just a job.

Good luck with your new job and remember it’s just a job - if it’s not right you have plenty of time to have a think, make a plan and then make another change.

If you knew about my life, you would realise you haven’t wasted yours. Action the change you want. 💐

You're only 26. At your age I did something similar. I'll likely never be able to buy a house either, but so what. I have proven that I can work hard, that I can get qualifications and that I won't settle for something that makes me unhappy.

And so have you. At 26 your life hasn't even started and you already have multiple degrees. That's the opposite of a wasted life.

Agree totally, and 30 is still very young.

I love your thread. I didn't have anyone rehearsing all thos with me when i was your age. My father was forceful, perfectionist and I did the degree for him. He wanted to take credit out of possible high flying career from me

My life turned OK. I too wanted a boy then a girl. God gave me a girl and secondary infertility....be positive....be happy

Hey op your not wasting your life your building it. kids and husbands are not the only thing you can achieve. degrees can open lots of doors so you might think you wasted time on training for a solicitor role but all this work experience gets you in a good place to evolve. I hope you get your happy ever after but shit happens and you can rise above it you just need patience.

will you be patient facing in the NHS? If you have got a weak stomach I can't imagine any job that will suit you and I am retired NHS

I cannot see how you wasted your life at 26, but your generation does seem to have it tough.

I’m 30 and just left my career to also do a healthcare degree! You’re not alone - and I haven’t wasted my life. Just changed my mind. You’ve got 40 years left of work you might as well enjoy it

OP, don’t let anyone here talk you into the idea that what you want is wrong, or that you’re “supposed” to spend your twenties doing what they’ve decided your twenties are for. This is your life, and you know what it is you’re longing for better than any stranger on the internet.

I’m a licensed attorney in the US and I got pregnant shortly after passing the bar exam. At that time and in my area, the market was oversaturated with new lawyers, and I was happy to be able to quit job-hunting and be a SAHM. I still keep my law license current, but I have no desire to have a traditional job in the field. You’re not in a position to be a SAHM at the moment, but I understand the urge to quit trying to find a job in law and wanting to be a SAHM instead.

I don’t know if this is familiar in the UK, but at least in the US, there’s a saying: “No man, on his deathbed, wishes he had spent more time at the office.” It’s completely fine to value interpersonal relationships - of whatever kind - over a prestigious career, and I think most people recognize that.

I’m glad you’ve got a job you’re optimistic about. If you can, take some time to relax and just meet more people. I wish you all the best.

Would you like to swap? I got pregnant with DD1 at 23 and then with DD2 at 29…feel like I’ve wasted my 20s and early 30s being a mum while everyone around me climbed the ladder.
Plan was always to go back to uni and do a law conversion etc but couldn’t afford it once DD1 arrived. Can’t help on the dog front though 😂

eta I haven’t been a sahm for the past 10 years, but mainly worked part time between each mat leave and trained to be a teacher before DD2 was born

No, I’m in an admin role not a clinical role :)

Yes, I just can’t imagine going back to the law. I respect why people say that because I’m sure in city law there is a huge draw. But outside of the cities you don’t get those opportunities. I just can’t imagine ever going back

Are you good with language? You could do a copy editing course and become a legal editor / law reports / statutes editor. I don't have a law degree but I managed to get into legal editing and it's a nice job, working at a publishing company - a good amount of leave, work-life balance, I work from home too.

I qualified as a solicitor and realised early on it wasn't for me... like you, I qualified and then left to do other things. Various jobs working in healthcare and I recently qualified as an occupational therapist - I found my calling :)

What are you planning to do in the NHS? Law is quite broad. Have you considered working for NHS or local authority legal team.

Can’t you find a rewarding job with the training you’ve done rather than starting all over? Thinking working for a charity, or similar? There are lots of routes and you must be good at it. Is it worth trying some counselling because maybe it’s general low mood rather than linked specifically to your training?

I don’t think I’d recommend working in NHS admin for someone who is already feeling burnt out and disenfranchised. I say this as someone who works for the NHS, in senior management.

It sounds like you need more FUN OP, I agree with an above posters brilliant posts about potentially moving somewhere more lively, with more young people and things going on. You also really need to challenge the fixed ideas you’ve got in your head e.g own property by 30, 2 children with a girl first or whatever. Life cannot be controlled to this extent, and that can be very joyful and freeing to recognise.

https://jobs.lawgazette.co.uk/job/1050331/charities-solicitor/

https://www.charityjob.co.uk/jobs/public-law-project/lawyer-12-month-fixed-term-parental-leave-cover-/1033619?tsId=6

https://www.charityjob.co.uk/jobs/ikwro-women-s-rights-organisation/immigration-caseworker-solicitor/1031808?tsId=2

Another lawyer here, 20 years ahead of you. Firstly even in a training contract you should not be on minimum wage so it sounds to me like you are in a small high street firm. If so, you are probably doing everything and anything that comes in the door. Before you leave law completely, is there any aspect of law that excites you? If there is then I would recommend specialising in a mid to big firm and see how you feel then. Different people, different pay structure. Yes still working for someone else but you could end up becoming partner or making sufficient connections to start your own firm eventually. Alternative is to look at tutoring or volunteering in university law clinics - both giving back and staying in law. You could also look at citizens advice bureau - you won't get a high salary but you will get the helping people aspect. If you go to a big firm be prepared to work all the hours God sends - plus side will be the salary particularly in the London area so at least there is that. You won't see daylight so at least you will have money to save because you won't be out the office to spend it. I have said to my kids If they go into law to go work for a US firm in London for a maximum of 3 years then get out and go do something else with the possibility of having saved enough to buy a small house outside London with no mortgage. If you are certain it's not for you, your law degree should open umpteen doors - I have friends who did their training contracts and are now accountants, researchers, government officials and SAHM just recently gone back to work in HR. You need to have a think about what you really want to do so you don't leap from one dreaded job to the next. You are young. You haven't wasted your life. You are just redirecting your focus. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Further to my previous message in house is always an option - decent salary and no time recording! I did it for 10 odd years. You could also freelance but you really need good connections to do that or be really good at building connections and quickly to keep the contracts coming on to get paid

Lots of people find Law disappointing.

My daughter did a graduate degree in law (GDL) and found it so hard and boring.

She passed the exams (after resits) but it was all such a struggle she just got the certificate and walked away from any idea of working as a solicitor.

Did a Masters in Marketing and now has a good job in that field.

You're only 26, that's nothing. You will find the right thing for you and this is just a temporary setback. Maybe your admin job will lead to something else, maybe it will help you work out what you like and don't like. I would plan a nice holiday so you have something to look forward to and sigh a big sigh of relief you're not stuck with law as a career for the rest of your life. You were brave to walk away.