To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

[Theroadnottravelled]

I know I’ll likely get flamed but we’re staying with my PIL for a week (DH, me,DCs 3 &5) and it’s nice to get away. My PILs aren’t horrid or deliberately nasty but the food situation when they host us is pretty miserable. They eat like birds and just don’t provide enough food. We’ve tried taking/buying stuff with us before but they get offended. For example they’ll cook a pizza for all of us. 4 adults, 2 hungry small people. It’s a small slice each. And some salad. That’s it. Or one piece of toast for breakfast. Or fairy cakes cut in half. Or one crumpet each for tea. I promise it’s not a money thing. They are more than comfortable. It’s just such small portions. I’ve offered that we stay in an Airbnb and cater ourselves but they won’t hear of it. We take the train to see them (it’s a long way and I’m the only driver) so can’t take loads of stuff with us. Arrrgghh. So awkward but we’re all ravenous. How can I broach it?

Did you ever get an explanation for the crying? It was a ridiculous response from her

Being raised by people who have reactions like that is why some people really struggle to confront these problems, even though it should be simple. It's hard to break free from fearing their (over)reaction and the shame you feel, wrongly.

Yes, if my children and I were being left hungry. Obviously and unequivocally, yes!

What can her husband say to his parents.

"We're coming to stay the weekend after next and we'll do the food".

The last time I went to visit my family was in 2011 when I realised she didn't want to change. I stopped after that they're dead now.

I think the fact her FIL physically hit her is perhaps more pertinent here. Bloody hell, no way would I be extending an "olive branch" to a family member who physically assaulted me.

WTAF.

It's his mother's kitchen it's not that easy. They will notice the electric and gas bill go up.

Oh God, this is so my mum. I agree with everyone else. It's ridiculous, of course dh needs to step up (as the kids get bigger it'll keep getting worse) and you all need to be very firm. Ffs why do they do this? I can't stand it.

I missed that bit somehow! That's horrendous. I don't think I'd ever want to see them again if they hit me, especially over a sandwich ffs.

The last time I visited my parents we had to buy Chinese. The next day we left. It's not that easy especially if they are stuck in their ways.

I know right?

How appalling.

I've got the complete opposite problem. Mil seems absolutely determined to send us all home a stone heavier. That can spoil a visit too - she gets positively miffed if anyone says they're too full to eat pudding. "I got it specially for you because it's your favourite' Up at dawn preparing cooked breakfast for everyone when we're all still bloated from the night before. I once told her I wouldn't have sausage or bacon this morning because I had a bit of acid reflux. She made me a 4 egg omelette to 'keep me going' Laying on scones and cream and jam mid afternoon when we've just had lunch. She's not fat and neither are we but we certainly all would be if we emptied our plates every meal.

It's easier to deal with this I suppose by just sticking to guns and not eating more than you want. Must be really hard when you're hungry but the food's not there.

Ah yes.

PIL famously once served pasta. 4 adults and 2 teenagers.

When the communal bowl of cooked pasta was put on the table with a big flourish and a "help yourselves" announcement ds just looked confused as he could have eaten more than that just by himself.

We all ended up with teeny portions - was v odd.

Honestly think they had just weighed it out wrong - have supervised any pasta cooking since!

@Hedgehogbrown it's little to do with being polite and being conditioned
Imagine growing up in this tightly controlled environment.

As a pp said the red flag is that her DH and all those people wanting to hide snacks and pot noodles in bedrooms...the relationship wouldnt survive this small push back . ..

And then you never visited your parents again?

Wow @Octavia64 , your FIL hit you?

That is so far beyond acceptable. Glad you left and did not give him the opportunity to repeat that behaviour. Did your DH experience his violence as a child?

@Octavia64 what dreadful behaviour ,arguing about the oven ? Not even asking anyone for help.
Defiantly sounds like something else going on there eg control issues

Yes if it comes to my children going hungry. Or I wouldnt stay there. I take it you would let your children go hungry rather than say something? Odd.

Totally

@Anxioustealady yes absolutely

There is always a controlling trend on these types of DP or in laws their way or the high way.

I think I'm the opposite and have to stop myself. My nightmare is guests being hungry and I'd hate to think people needed to sneak some crisps and chocolate to eat in their bedroom while thinking I should provide more food. This means I have a tendency to keep asking "would you like........" and I know that can be annoying. I try to leave things out and say just help yourselves.

It is hard to get it right sometimes.

I saw my mum the day before she died. I called her often it was complicated.

NO it’s does NOT need to be you as bad cop - tell him to fucking Grow Up and talk to his parents FFS!!

Do NOT let him duck out of this!!!!

Im so mad when weak pathetic men expect their wife to take the fire with their OWN family. It’s utterly pathetic.

@Asunciondeflata I'm not sure of the etiquette of bringing in other threads of op herself hasnt

Maybe however the pils are trying to teach them a genuine lesson on what they need to eat ?

The last time I visited was 2011 I did post that above.

Why on earth haven’t you spoken to them about this or simply asked for more food? Surely that would solve the problem easier than anything else?