To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

[Theroadnottravelled]

I know I’ll likely get flamed but we’re staying with my PIL for a week (DH, me,DCs 3 &5) and it’s nice to get away. My PILs aren’t horrid or deliberately nasty but the food situation when they host us is pretty miserable. They eat like birds and just don’t provide enough food. We’ve tried taking/buying stuff with us before but they get offended. For example they’ll cook a pizza for all of us. 4 adults, 2 hungry small people. It’s a small slice each. And some salad. That’s it. Or one piece of toast for breakfast. Or fairy cakes cut in half. Or one crumpet each for tea. I promise it’s not a money thing. They are more than comfortable. It’s just such small portions. I’ve offered that we stay in an Airbnb and cater ourselves but they won’t hear of it. We take the train to see them (it’s a long way and I’m the only driver) so can’t take loads of stuff with us. Arrrgghh. So awkward but we’re all ravenous. How can I broach it?

Im irish and this gives me anxiety severe anxiety..as soon as you get inside the door of an irish home you're offered food and a drink,not alcohol lol meals are always plentiful and loads left over and used for lunch the next days,fridges stocked out and asked every few hours are you hungry lol,My Mam loved to feed people as do my Aunties also..I'd have to say something as this is unreasonable,your DH needs to speak up

I think there are some people (parents/pil) who you can speak up to, and some you just can’t.

The pil were awfully mean with food. I remember on one occasion bil asking loudly, “Who would like A chip?!” and still the pil did not get it. There would have been a massive diplomatic incident if anyone had said anything. In fact bil did object to one small pizza between seven and apparently fil went bananas at his rudeness.

The thing is that if anyone else hosted the pil would be feasting and quaffing like Henry VIII.

Buy snacks for the week that's what I would do. It's not the healthy option but if you keep a sneaky stash at least it fills you all. You could buy sausage rolls, crisps etc.

My son and partner come to stay every couple of months. I just give him my credit card, tell him to stock up on snacks extra food at Lidl. Or I credit his account with the full amount. We just feed main meals. They do eat a lot more than us. They're young and very active. We're old and I'm waiting for two new hips so can't walk around a supermarket or carry much at the moment.

They're our guests. It's not about the money but differing lifestyles and not knowing what they like.

I genuinely do not get this....they don't provide enough food, they "won't hear" of you staying air b and b....are you an adult or not?

You can speak up to anyone.

You just have to be prepared to deal with the consequences.

My in laws were the opposite, we used to joke they'd be disappointed if your clothes still fitted after a week with them!
Hate meanness in any form - could you do an online shop to be delivered when you get there if you’ve no car there? It won’t be much fun once the kids are ravenous teenagers if you don’t get this sorted out.

Ok so what you are saying is your DH would rather his wife and children go hungry than actually say anything to his parents? That's not normal or healthy.

They are not awful people they eat differently. It sounds like they eat little and often. The op is more than entitled to bring her own snacks and booze. The in-laws can have their opinions or the op could suggest a holiday away this Christmas in a cottage or go abroad. I do understand how the op feels my parents were the same and it was painfully embarrassing.

It's really very odd, isn't it?

Would you tell your parents what to do in their home?

Sorry but your DH needs to step up and speak to them or you tell him you’re not going. They’re his parents and he needs to tell them.

On another thread, you said that the PIL gave you supermarket vouchers to help you out financially, so they can't be that mean, or oblivious?
Get DH to talk to them. Or stop visiting.

Yes I would if they were not giving substantial portions. Why not?

PIL’s dessert offering for Xmas day for six adults and four older teenage boys was two small £1 cheesecakes from Morrisons. And six mince pies. When they died they had over £1m assets.

That's why.
I'm serious. My Dad was tight with us all his life, and left £800k.

My Irish relatives would try and stuff me until I couldn't move! Then they'd give you two boxes of mince pies & a box of biscuits 'left over from Christmas' to take with you .... this was April ! 😆

Tbh if your husband doesn't want to say anything, I'd opt for this route - just sort yours/the kids breakfast and lunch yourselves exactly how this post said!

My PIL weigh pasta per the packet for a portion! And it never enough esp when our 2 boys were teenagers so I would always say “throw some more pasta in the pot it won’t be wasted as it can be eaten as leftovers” then who would have seconds? FIL! But I tended to try to say something during the making of the meal like “ teenage boys are bottomless pits with hollow legs” or “ it’s been years since you have fed teen boys you’ve forgotten how much they need to eat” and try to get more pasta/rice/potatoes made as they won’t have more meat usually available- and buy snacks and keep them in your room!

Yes.

In fact you genuinely can't avoid doing so as they grow older.

But specifically, in this case

1. either they are deliberately underfeeding the OP's family, in which case the OP doesn't have any choice but to make different arrangements, whether that is bringing and preparing food or staying elsewhere.

or

2. they don't know how much food the OP's family need, in which case their behaviour won't change without some form of communication.

Maybe they can't cook or else there would be plenty of food. I said nothing to my mum because she couldn't cook. I learned through the years and every time I would cook it would upset her

To be fair most English would be agast at guests being hungry.

They can't cook a pizza and salad is not food it's a snack or a starter. It's not the main meal. What can her husband say to his parents.

I learned through the years and every time I would cook it would upset her

But that was her problem, not yours.

Eh