To let DD vape?

[ByBoldLeader]

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

Lots of people read the whole thread, sometimes without ever posting themselves. It's never just talking into the wind.

What can I say? It isn't the done thing on FWR to tag people which is why I don't think to do it a lot of the time.

I think it’s pretty off for @ConfusedSloth to accuse me of not tagging her out of a lack of decency but there you go.

As derails go this one is really boring.

I gave up a few years ago, when DD was around 15 I think. Hoping she will grow out of it, nearly 18 and still going though.

Slightly off topic but one of the reasons why they think the smoking rate is so high within people who have schizophrenia is the nicotine and the affect it has on dopamine.

A kind of self medication in a way
Nicotine use in schizophrenia: The self medication hypotheses - ScienceDirect https://share.google/NJKoNOGpZJpdDxIGk

Edit: meant to quote but forgot 🤦🏼‍♀️

Right, and which of those services, snowed under with children with serious alcohol and drug misuse issues, will provide support for a 16 y/o vaper?

Thank you...useful to know!

I've already commented with my thoughts but this is still bugging me so I'm back to add; can you please change your language around this. You are not "letting" her vape you are "accepting" that despite your very best efforts this isnt a battle that you are currently winning. You are still fighting the battle with continuing to educate DD, restricting her financially by not buying the bloody things for her (which would be "letting" her) not "letting" her smoke the vapes in the house etc.
I'll also repeat my original point, ask the judgy twats for exact step by step instructions on how to stop DD from spending her own earned money on vapes and how to stop a 16yr old who let's face it, knows EVERYTHING, from vaping. Don't settle for blanket statements such as well I'd put a stop to it, my kid wouldn't do that etc. And if they tell you exactly step by step and it works then good God come back and educate the rest of us dealing with 16yr olds that are on the verge of adulthood and earn their own money!!
To wrap up @ByBoldLeader just keep fighting the good fight and tell the judgy twats to fuck off, you're doing your best just like we all are!

You won't be able to stop her , it's like crack. All you can do is tell her she must'nt do it when she's in your house. Good luck op

All of them. Nicotine is a drug. It's illegal for children. It's hospitalised many children. It's a huge problem.

I'm very bored of you changing the goalposts at this point.

The reason they're unlikely to help OP is because her DD is vaping due to ineffective parenting, not due to an uncontrollable addiction.

They won't, they will signpost to stop smoking services who are the experts in nicotine addiction. OP's daughter will be offered information, brief advice and maybe a prescription for NRT, i.e. nicotine, which is safely prescribed for children from the age of 12. If she doesn't want to quit they won't bother wasting their time.

I posted the NCSCT guidance earlier, here it is again:

https://www.ncsct.co.uk/publications/Support_stop_vaping

What goalposts do you think I have moved?

The reason they're unlikely to help OP is because her DD is vaping due to ineffective parenting, not due to an uncontrollable addiction.

You're just making stuff up now. This is bobbins. If she wants to quit they'll offer limited help as above. If she doesn't they won't. Simple as that.

Stop smoking services have neither the resources nor the expertise to get involved in parenting assessments which would be pointless and counterproductive anyway. Nobody's going to seek help to quit vaping if it involves that level of snooping into their lives.

Clearly you just want to scream that everyone is useless and doesn't do their jobs. I can't help you there.

The goalpost you moved was saying there was no help available and demanding links as proof, when links were provided you changed the goalpost to proving that they actually provide the help listed in the links.

I never said they'd do a parenting assessment 🙄Asking "what have you tried?" and OP saying "absolutely everything. I took away her phone and then gave it back even though she hadn't stopped" would be the assessment required to know this is poor behaviour and not a medical problem.

OP respectfully it sounds like you can't really be bothered to argue with her.
At the very least I'd be insisting there is no vaping in the house or garden.
Take away all privileges (Internet, devices, pocket money, new clothes bar essentials, lifts (even to a part time job- it may teach her the hard way!), etc). You cannot tell me you did this for months and she actually chose vaping over the above?!

It will be exceptionally difficult to stop her doing it outside the home but you can and should get your house in order.
If she still attends school, I would mention it there too. They may do sporadic bag searches if you let them know of your concerns.

I could have written this post myself about my DD, also 16. I’ve lectured until I’m blue in the face over it, if I catch her with any I take them, I’ve stopped pocket money (but she has a job anyway), I’ve grounded her, I’m not sure what else I can do. She doesn’t even know why she does it but she can’t stop 😳

I'm not screaming

Everyone is doing their jobs. Drug and alcohol services are seeing young people with drug and alcohol problems, stop smoking services are seeing young smokers and will also offer some limited help to young vapers although that is not their main mission. There's not a huge amount of help for vapers because it simply isn't a public health issue on the scale of those other things. While it's certainly a problem, it's just nowhere near as harmful as smoking, alcohol or drugs. Services have tight budgets and they need to prioritise.

The goalpost you moved was saying there was no help available and demanding links as proof, when links were provided you changed the goalpost to proving that they actually provide the help listed in the links.

Here is what I said:

Please do tell me what help is available to a 16 y/o who can't stop vaping. Links would be good.

You still haven't managed to do that. Same goalposts, same place. Of course it matters that the orgs you linked to actually provide the help you say they do if that's what you're trying to show. None mention vaping, I think only the Greenwich one mentions smoking and following that link takes you to stop smoking services. Please point me to anything I have missed.

Asking "what have you tried?" and OP saying "absolutely everything. I took away her phone and then gave it back even though she hadn't stopped" would be the assessment required to know this is poor behaviour and not a medical problem.

You have such a vivid imagination!

Stop smoking services won't care about any of that, all they'll care about is whether she wants the help or not. And they won't be talking to the girl's mother in the first place, she's 16!

I am not playing this game with you. I have done exactly what you asked and then you invent waffle about why it doesn’t count and stamp your feet.

No, you aren't a bad mum, and those mums telling you you are should mind their own business.

You cannot control what your 16 year old does. She earns her own money and if she wants to vape, she will. It's much harder to be certain that they are vaping than smoking. You can set boundaries and do what is within your control. It is illegal, so you can throw away any you find. You can try to work out where she's getting them from and report the shops to trading standards - even if it's just a suspicion, they will look into it.

It sounds like you've tried really hard. Some children and teenagers respond better to consequences than others. I think you can just take an approach which you think will be most effective and try to stick with it.

OK.

Ok indeed

She has a job so could pay for these things

That was part of the problem and why it didn’t stop her vaping.

I've been through 3 teenagers so know it's not as easy as " not letting tgem" do things. And mine all had jobs which I felt was important. Vaping wasn't an issue but they could waste their money on various other crap lol

Charge her rent!!!
Then she’ll have no disposable income!

Do you or have you ever had a cigarette? Or a glass of wine? Do you step outside in a busy town centre?

I vape socially at the weekends. Nothing embarrassing about it at all. Hysterical women like you, are however, embarrassing.

They are nothing more than adult dummies. Ridiculous things. If you need your dose of nicotine to be flavoured like sweets then yes, that is indeed embarrassing.

Install a mains powered vape alarm or a co2 alarm at least so you can monitor air quality. Linked to a smart home app so you can check it on your phone.

Say the same thing to yourself next time you crack open a bottle hun. If you need your alcohol flavoured by grapes then you're embarrassing x