To let DD vape?

[ByBoldLeader]

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

You withhold anything but the bare minimum. No lifts. No Internet. No treats. Throw away any you find.

My 16 year old vapes. He is very secretive about it and thinks I don't know. As a result I turn a blind eye to it. Between him and his brother we have had so many challenges, this is not the hill I want to die on.

I shout. I am from a different culture where a little healthy fear of your parents goes a long way. 😊I don't allow partners in my house either, though DC are now young adults. Not interested in being their friend

I tried this previously at one point as well but DD still vapes.

You're not a bad mom at all. She's 16 with a PT job. If you tried to stop her doing it she'd just go and do it elsewhere. I've smoked cigarettes since I was 12 and when I was 15 and had a Saturday job my dad gave up trying to get me to quit. As long as I didn't do it in the house then he left me to it. She's not a little kid and all it will do if you try and badger her into quitting is strain your relationship

My mum shouted and went mental, grounded me etc when I smoked as a teenager and I just got much better at hiding it. 16 is very different to 12 too. I hate that my son vapes as he does a lot of sport. But it is what it is.

Pretty sure lots of those thinking they’ve successfully forbidden their teen from vaping are mistaken IME

It's almost impossible to stop her vaping when she is 16 and has a job. What I would do is not allow it in my home and presence to keep up the message that I don't approve and it may also reduce the potential of developing addiction, although nicotine is highly addictive so that ship may have already sailed. It's really not worth stressing about her doing it away from you as there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Maybe. But they didn't do it in my house.

She’s earning her own money!!!

At 16 you can’t stop her from doing it away from the house especially if she is paying for it herself.
If it was me I would also ban it from the garden just like you have the house. All vaping to be done away from the house altogether. Winter is coming so that won’t be fun.
I would also make sure no vaping is being done in the bedroom.
if she has money to pay for vapes she has money to pay things such as mobile phone bill etc.

It's far better than cigarettes and/or weed IMO. Experience has taught me that the more you ban things, the more inventive and belligerent they become. As long as it's not being done within your walls (or just in her room with the window open for example), I'd leave it be for now. She may come to her senses eventually.

The fact you’ve said “previously” means you stopped doing it, so of course she still vapes.

Stop everything, indefinitely.

Enough to pay for all the extras? I doubt it.

What do you mean 'previously' 'at one point'?

Do it and continue to stick to it.

Otherwise what was the point?

You say you've tried everything but you haven't. You need to stick to this, stop her vaping in the garden and if you think she's vaping in the bedroom, make her leave her vape where you can see it.

Experience has taught me exactly the opposite. I think teens need strong boundaries. Everybody here is always saying they will go no contact or have a a strained relationship if you lay down the law, but it's not my experience. And I'd rather they quit vaping than have a lovely relationship.

I just don't think it's a hill worth dying on. Vapes are not the worst thing in the world, and TBH while I don't like it one bit, I think on the scale of things teenagers could do, vaping is one of the least harmful. And no, I wouldn't allow it in my house at all. That would be one rule that can't be broken, although having said that, it is difficult to detect the bloody things as I can't smell them at all in my brother's flat where he's at it constantly!

Vaping isn't dangerous in the UK its tightly regulated all these stories you hear are in America where its not regulated. I would have no issue with a 16 year old vaping I think if thats the worse she does i think you got of lightly. People treat 16 year olds like children these days and its why they are so dependent.

It's highly addictive. That's why the companies that make them are targeting the young - customers for life.

It is a gateway to smoking in the young.

I think it is the parents responsibility to ensure their children don't vape.

Imo she can either spend her money on vapes or pay for the house WiFi. She doesn't get to use both imo.
Ds had 1 now and again. Binned every time until he gave up bringing them home.

Not in the house and not in the garden. You can't stop what she does outside of that but you can make it clear you don't approve and make it as difficult as you possibly can.

The more you push, the more she’ll pull.

Set up boundaries like no vaping in the house but apart from that I’d let her do it.

I would encourage her to quit for her health and promote a healthy lifestyle like exercising and taking care of her skin.

My DD doesn’t vape and it’s because she knows that I used to smoke and quitting made me put on weight which took ages to lose and stained my teeth, made me smell etc.
So I play to her vanity.

Honestly I was smoking as a teen and so were lots of my mates.
Most of them grew out of it.

I think teens will always do something rebellious.
I hate vapes but it’s not the worst habit she could have.

So these mums that are judging your parenting have told you exactly how to stop your daughter vaping and you've just ignored them? Nope didn't think so! How exactly are you supposed to stop her? It sounds like you've tried a good many things but if shes buying them herself with money she has earned and willing to ignore all the health evidence you've shown her then what are you supposed to do?
Turn it around on the judgy twats and ask them to tell you in great detail how to stop her, do not accept them saying statements such as I wouldn't let my child etc you want specific step by step details or they should shut up.
Yes keep on at your DD in regards to what she could be spending her money on, health issues, insisting not in the house etc but I don't think at her age you can stop her, all you can do is educate her and hope she makes the right choices

Like hell would I be putting up with vaping at 16 - she is buying them from somewhere dodgy. Every vape I found would be smashed with a hammer before putting it in the bin. No smoking in the house, no smoking in the garden. And if she won’t do that then a escalating withdrawal of privileges.

Well, it's true that the other mums are overstepping. It's none of their business.