To let DD vape?

[ByBoldLeader]

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

I guess it’s different as we’re adults but my brother picked up vaping a few months ago, he claimed he just used the flavour to “get a break” at work.

My parents turned round to him and said if he had a level of disposable income to spend on vapes, he could afford to rent and he had a week to give up or find a place. Funnily enough, the vaping stopped!

Here is the NCSCT guidance for stop smoking services. They offer information and brief advice, but not multi-session behavioural support:

https://www.ncsct.co.uk/publications/Support_stop_vaping

It's sensible stuff:

When supporting clients who want to stop vaping, our priority should always be to ensure that clients who stop vaping do not return to smoking cigarettes. NICE recommends that people should use vapes for as long as they help prevent them going back to smoking.7 As such, it is important to assess why clients want to stop vaping and their risk of relapse, and to plan and prepare appropriately to stop vaping either gradually or in one step.

Like all public services, Stop Smoking are strapped for cash. It's understandable that they would focus their resources on people who are still smoking and thus actually slowly killing themselves.

If OP's DD wants to quit vaping it would be worth OP going through this advice with her. If she doesn't then there really is no point.

Well I can't imagine what additional suggestions you hoped MN could make.

I personally don't think there's any 100% infallible steps you can take to stop your DD vaping, no matter what others have insisted here.

🤣
well done them. Glorious.

You’re right. There is no 100% way to ensure they don’t vape but the OP says she’s given up. So she’s right now 100% doing nothing.

Good luck to the parents saying not in my house.

Are they stuck to their hip, do they accompany them to the toilet.

Get real.

My daughter vapes op, I gathered up her vapes and put a value to them and said you could have gone on holiday with your friends after exams if you hadn't smoked them.

She kept all her empty vapes?

I speak to my 11 year old about vapes. I'd literally rather she smoke a cigarette. I have told my child that she can trust me and I am always only acting in her best interests. I am permissive, I want her to enjoy life, and as such she knows that if I say no to something it must be important. She already lives by this. I feel I had a head start though.
Connection with our children is the most important thing. I am gradually introducing the dangers of this world and my role as an authority figure, but not gratuitously, from a place of care. Her knowing this is so important.
She denigrates those she knows that vape, and we talk about how stupid they are for risking their lungs.
I think getting in early is key.

I did all sorts. Worse than vaping. I moved out when I was 18 because I didn't like authority.

Restricting things like internet would have had me out that day. I rented a room from the paper. I know this isn't as easy nowadays but I'd have found a way if my parents took away my internet.

No. They are working and doing Masters degrees so it would be hard to accompany them to the toilet.

According to this, 5% of y7-11 pupils drink alcohol weekly (rising to 11% for 15 y/o) and 5% have consumed illegal drugs during the past month.

https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/smoking-drinking-and-drug-use-among-young-people-in-england/2023

I'm sure quite a few of them have really engaged parents who think their child would never do that.

I'd literally rather she smoke a cigarette.

This is not in your child's best interests.

I felt quite smug about it because I’ve never touched anything like that. It was the same message to me when I considered getting a tattoo while at uni (they hate tattoos!), if I could get one of them, no more financial support. It worked though! I do think parents need to be tougher. My parents were quite relaxed about most things (we’ve never had a curfew as long as we’re sensible and keep in contact), but things like smoking, drugs and tattoos are a hard no. The same thing happened when my brother revealed he’d tried a joint a couple of times, but less harsh because my dad did imbibe when he was younger! I think it worked great and we now have an amazing relationship that works, with the two of us living at home because of the the housing crisis.

You can’t stop her completely but you can ban it at home and in the garden. It sends out a message if nothing else.

My Dad used to let me ‘borrow’ cigarettes at that age (excellent 90s parenting there!) and I wish he hadn’t.

@Isittimeformynapyet probably not all of them, ditches some when she's out and about, at wort etc but we have those battery boxes from Lidl that we stick them in and drop them in the bin when I go shopping.

But I just kept them.

Hope that helps.

This is exactly why my parents are so strict. They both smoked from a young age (my dad was 13 when he started!) and suffered for it.

Doesn’t surprise me at all. Parents are so focused on being mates with their kids that can barely stand to say no. I have no preconception my kids will dabble with stuff. That’s part of adolescence. They will absolutely know the dangers of doing it though. The amount of pills seeping through that are laced with fuck knows what. A pinhead of Fentanyl can kill. I’ve no idea if that’s in the country recreationally yet but it’s going a great job of killing kids in the US right now.

We owe ur to our kids to be involved and stay involved. To educate ourselves and make sure they understand the risks. I also explain to them who is really profiteering off the back of this. Do they want to put money into the hands of these huge organisations that profit from misery? Organised crime gangs who commit the most terrifying crime all over the world? The more they understand how the cogs move in the system the more equipped they are to say no.

Tattoos are one of the things I don’t give a shit about. I think there is some evidence that being covered in them can be bad for you because of the break down of ink into the blood stream. I have one and it has impacted my life not a jot. My only advice to them is go somewhere excellent and plan what you’re going to get.

Does she still vape? I tried this (gathering her vapes and putting a value to them) too and unfortunately my DD still vapes. I think I just have to accept like I have that unfortunately she will still vape no matter what

If I walked to the local park on a weekend night (indeed any night), many of the kids there are vaping. Many look a lot younger than 16.
I can bet that many of their parents don't know, or think that they have made them stop through some harsh rules.

I would say no to vaping in the house or garden, and keep disapproving of it generally. But turning off the internet is not going to stop someone from vaping if they want to, when out with friends, walking along the street, etc.

I really wanted to get a Liverpool related tattoo after they won the UCL in 2019 and the league in 2020, my dad and I are huge Liverpool supporters. It was just going to be a small YNWA somewhere but they said they hate them, and that was their cut off for financial support while I was at uni. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t get it!!

OP there are ways around it. I appreciate at age 16 you can’t take the same approach my parents did, but you can say that if she’s got so much disposable income to be able to waste on vapes, she can contribute the same amount to the household each month (even if you just put it to one side and saved it). Surely that would be a wake up call?

I'm sure she does op, she's 18 so little I can do apart from keep on at her.

They'll do what they want when we're not looking.

I just remind her that we don't fully understand the dangers of them yet, like years ago with passive smoking.

Don't beat yourself up too much.

Neither is, but we know the risks with cigarettes.

Ah. Could have been a cute thing but you’re right, looking back most things seem like a bad idea 🤣

I was going to get big black bold YNWA on my hip! 😳 I’d definitely go for something a lot more delicate now 🤣