To let DD vape?

[ByBoldLeader]

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

You're saying "tried" in the past tense. If she's still vaping, that means you started giving her those things while she's still vaping. Why? Of course nothing works if you don't follow through or remain consistent.

Most 16 year-olds are not going to be afraid of a bit of shouting.

Me too, though I was late 20’s.

I wouldn't be ok with it. Not in the garden, not in the house.

You can't stop her but be firm in saying not anywhere here in the home at all. I was smoking at 15 casually and allowed in the house by 16. So rubbish. I wish they'd actually cared enough to say no. They were too busy smoking and drinking themselves.

For months. But it made no difference as DD was still vaping.

So all the things have come back, as others have said.
When she had no phone, no money, no outings or hobbies and no money for clothes, what did she do? How did she contact her friends? Or did she just sit in her room vaping all the time?

Try for longer. If you keep trying things for small amounts of time she will obviously carry on because she’ll know you’ll give in again

I think you're right. I would hate this; and if I said to my DD you can't vape in our house or garden, quite rightly, I would hate to think of her skulking around the streets alone to do it instead, or avoiding spending time at home. It's a no win situation.

I suppose if I were in this situation I'd have to stop paying for hobbies - DS music lessons, DD gymnastics - that's probably the only thing that would hurt them. I would worry if I stopped giving lifts they'd have to walk in the dark etc and I wouldn't let them out themselves in danger.

So she went for months with no phone, no way to communicate with her friends? why did you start paying for it again?

My god shes 16 if some of you where my parents i would move out and never speak to any of you anymore. Its so controlling. Luckily when I was 16 I was treat like an adult I worked i was at college and had my own life I couldnt imagine my mum acting like this maybe when I was 12.

You had enough money to pay for your own flat, did you?
16 year olds aren't adults and the fact she's started vaping which is illegal for her at this age and is a really stupid and immature decision doesn't make this girl seem more mature.

People always say that. If you don't ler your DC smoke, drink and have sex in your home they will have it outside unsafely. I don't believe that personally and I am not going to be bullied into encouraging or endorsing stupid behaviour in my home

But then I don't have anyone in my family who has ever gone no contact or left home at 16.

I would of found a way and moved in with my boyfriend. Their are parents on here saying smash up stuff she has paid for take this and that away. Someone even said take her pocket money away what 16 year old has pocket money shes working people are reacting like shes 12. People need to stop infantilizing their children.

Well, good luck to her if she does that.

Do you think that a 16 year old should disrespect her mother and not stick to her rule of no vaping in the garden or house? Want to be treated like an adult - act like one, then. Act like a child - get treated like a child.

Cause and effect. Taking responsibility for your actions. Respect your parents.

Where does it say she vaped in the garden or home after being told not to

In the OPs subsequent posts.

But it doesn't all op has said is don't vape she hasn't said i can't stop you vaping but you do not do it on my property. Is she paying lodge as i was at 16 and is probably the reason I didn't have stupid rules as I was just classed as another adult in the house

OP says quite clearly she vapes in the garden and possibly in her bedroom in her updates.

Anyway I am coming at it from a completely different upbringing. I don't charge board or rent and I never will, so anyone in my house has to follow rules.

I see that as controlling i would rather pay and feel like it was my home to and be treat like an adult. Are parents on here also giving their 16 year olds bedtimes and saying you can't leave the table until you eat all your veg or saying you have to be home by a set time. This is all so bizarre to me.

Yes, different cultures. I think charging a 16 -year-old board or allowing them to live with boyfriends is cold and weird.

East is East and West is West and rarely do the twain meet! Very glad my parents didn't let me smoke or drink or quit my education. It paid off.

I moved out at 16. I got a FT job and a room in a house share. No big fall out with my parents, I just wanted my independence. That was in the 80s though, I'm not sure it's generally even possible these days when they're supposed to be in some form of FTE until 18.

16 year olds are not adults but they're not really children either, especially once they start earning their own money. Despite making the 'stupid and immature decision' to start smoking when I was 12 I managed just fine on my own age 16.

In one of the OP’s posts.

If vaping is banned in public areas like smoking is, or vapes themselves are massively curtailed, the next thing (it's gaining ground) is Snus or Pouches. These are nicotine delivery pads that rest between gum and cheek and deliver the hit over a long period. No smoke, no vape, no smell no evidence!

My friend is a vaper and uses a pouch or two on long plane journeys, she lives abroad so I'm not sure if they are available here yet or not.

I really have tried everything to try and stop DD vaping but she just won’t stop.