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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To let DD vape?

232 replies

ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:20

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

OP posts:
Notagain75 · 19/08/2025 12:16

You can't stop her doing it when she is not worth you but you can stop her vaping in the house or when she is with you.

DeoHelp · 19/08/2025 12:18

I’d install a sensitive smoke detector in her bedroom - vapes can and do set them off. Other than that if you know where she is buying them from then I’d go in and make the shop aware of who she is. Tell them that they’re selling to a 16 year old which is illegal. Make the authorities, local MP etc aware.

beachwalkx · 19/08/2025 12:44

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 10:24

Ithink you meant to quote me, not @youalright

My parents never 'let' me smoke, I just did it anyway. Smokers were everywhere back then and it was not difficult to cadge a fag off someone. Later I used to spend my dinner money on a pack of 10. Trading standards was virtually non-existent in those days and we all knew which shops would sell to us, even in school uniform.

Yes, I moved out at 16 and was successfully independent from then on. And?

Exactly the same story here, I was 12, and someone at school offered me one
now 41 and gave up smoking 9 years ago, I quit with the help of the vaping threads on here
my teeth and gums are good, my dentist is very happy I don’t smoke

HugoSpritzzz · 19/08/2025 13:14

Ohlifelife · 18/08/2025 17:29

If nothing else you should not let her vape in the home. If she is determind to potentially ruin her own health and also set off on the road to addiction- because vaping is addictive and many say is harder to quit than cigarettes- so be it. But why should everyone else in the home suffer potential negative health consequences because of her ignorance and stupidity ?Especially if you have younger children at home. And the smell is utterly stomach churning.

I just learnt last week from another thread on MN that vaping is actually illegal in Mexico and a host of other countries. They are obviously a lot more enlightened then the UK.

Edited

Ruin her health??

so dramatic 😂

Ohlifelife · 19/08/2025 13:39

HugoSpritzzz · 19/08/2025 13:14

Ruin her health??

so dramatic 😂

It's not dramatic at all.

There is well documented evidence that vaping is specifically dangerous for young peoples health. It affects their developing brains , affects their lungs, leads to other health problems and causes addiction to nicotine.

Locutus2000 · 19/08/2025 13:52

HugoSpritzzz · 19/08/2025 13:14

Ruin her health??

so dramatic 😂

Vaping threads always go this way.

Holluschickie · 19/08/2025 13:54

HugoSpritzzz · 19/08/2025 13:14

Ruin her health??

so dramatic 😂

I like to take my health advice from the NHS.https://www.nhs.uk/better-health/quit-smoking/help-others-quit/young-people-and-vaping/

DeoHelp · 19/08/2025 14:34

HugoSpritzzz · 19/08/2025 13:14

Ruin her health??

so dramatic 😂

I take it you vape? Embarrassing..

ConfusedSloth · 19/08/2025 15:50

Isittimeformynapyet · 19/08/2025 11:19

you should be speaking to the GP, school and local council support

I'm genuinely interested in how this would be handled by those agencies. I find it hard to believe that they would actually offer anything if a parent approached them about their DC vaping.

What do you know about it that I haven't heard of?

A child with an uncontrollable addiction would be taken very seriously. Poor parenting isn’t their problem. If OP thinks it’s the first, she should approach them. Otherwise, it’s the second and she should step up.

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 16:00

A child with an uncontrollable addiction would be taken very seriously.

The most they would do is prescribe her NRT - which could be helpful if she wants to quit, but not otherwise.

They don't offer much more help for children who are smoking actual deadly cigarettes.

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 16:28

Onthebusses · 19/08/2025 12:06

Neither is, but we know the risks with cigarettes.

We certainly do.

We know that half to 2/3 of long term smokers will die as a direct result, losing on average a decade of life. It causes 15 types of cancer, it's a leading cause of cardiovascular disease including heart disease and stroke, it causes COPD and increases the risk of diabetes, asthma, MS, rheumatoid arthritis, mental health issues, dementia, early menopause, impotence, miscarriage, still birth, low birth weight and chronic, serious gum disease. We know that smoking damages just about every organ in the body.

That's before even starting on the harms it does to those around the smoker, including three times the risk of SIDS and serious respiratory illness in children.

We don't know everything about vaping but we really do know quite a lot now - enough to be confident that the potential risks of vaping are not remotely in the same ball park.

I don't know what you're trying to achieve with your child but it's unlikely to be successful:

The Chief Medical Officer, Professor Sir Chris Whitty, has put the case very succinctly, “The key points about vaping (e-cigarettes) can be easily summarised. If you smoke, vaping is much safer; if you don’t smoke, don’t vape.”

Yet fewer than one in ten smokers understand this, and media coverage often fails to make this clear. In 2023, more than a quarter of adult smokers have never tried vaping to help them quit smoking, although it is one of the most effective quitting aids

And although representation of vaping in a way which overstates the risk can discourage adult smokers from vaping, it isn’t an effective deterrent for adolescents, who are more likely to engage in risky behaviour than adults, and are more susceptible to peer pressure. Indeed in 2023 despite more than half all adolescents believing vaping to be more than or equally as harmful as smoking, the highest proportion ever recorded, we also have the highest proportion trying vaping.

https://ash.org.uk/resources/view/addressing-common-myths-about-vaping-putting-the-evidence-in-context

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 16:29

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 19/08/2025 11:57

Doesn’t surprise me at all. Parents are so focused on being mates with their kids that can barely stand to say no. I have no preconception my kids will dabble with stuff. That’s part of adolescence. They will absolutely know the dangers of doing it though. The amount of pills seeping through that are laced with fuck knows what. A pinhead of Fentanyl can kill. I’ve no idea if that’s in the country recreationally yet but it’s going a great job of killing kids in the US right now.

We owe ur to our kids to be involved and stay involved. To educate ourselves and make sure they understand the risks. I also explain to them who is really profiteering off the back of this. Do they want to put money into the hands of these huge organisations that profit from misery? Organised crime gangs who commit the most terrifying crime all over the world? The more they understand how the cogs move in the system the more equipped they are to say no.

Just out of interest, how old are your DC?

ConfusedSloth · 19/08/2025 16:52

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 16:00

A child with an uncontrollable addiction would be taken very seriously.

The most they would do is prescribe her NRT - which could be helpful if she wants to quit, but not otherwise.

They don't offer much more help for children who are smoking actual deadly cigarettes.

Well, that’s not true and you didn’t even have the decency to tag me when trying to say I’m wrong

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 17:17

ConfusedSloth · 19/08/2025 16:52

Well, that’s not true and you didn’t even have the decency to tag me when trying to say I’m wrong

My post was directly below yours and the thread is not that fast moving - it was very obvious what I was responding to. I'm not in the habit of tagging posters who are already on the thread because on some of the boards here it's really not the done thing. In fact it's considered rude if done to excess, e.g. tagging someone who has only just posted.

Please do tell me what help is available to a 16 y/o who can't stop vaping. Links would be good.

Ddakji · 19/08/2025 17:25

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 17:17

My post was directly below yours and the thread is not that fast moving - it was very obvious what I was responding to. I'm not in the habit of tagging posters who are already on the thread because on some of the boards here it's really not the done thing. In fact it's considered rude if done to excess, e.g. tagging someone who has only just posted.

Please do tell me what help is available to a 16 y/o who can't stop vaping. Links would be good.

Which boards is it not acceptable on? This is a “rule” I was definitely unaware of.

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 17:34

FWR. It's not a rule, just not really the done thing. It comes from the days when tagging was first introduced and there was no easy way to switch off notifications. People are more relaxed about it now but a lot of posters there don't tag people already on the thread and prefer to C&P the bit of text they're responding to rather than use the quote function. Lots of us have notifications turned off.

Ddakji · 19/08/2025 17:38

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 17:34

FWR. It's not a rule, just not really the done thing. It comes from the days when tagging was first introduced and there was no easy way to switch off notifications. People are more relaxed about it now but a lot of posters there don't tag people already on the thread and prefer to C&P the bit of text they're responding to rather than use the quote function. Lots of us have notifications turned off.

Right. Never knew that. However, without quoting or tagging you’re basically expecting people to keep checking the thread and scrolling back to find where you might be replying to them. That doesn’t seem right to me.

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 17:50

I would tag someone if I was replying to something a few posts back for clarity. I don't think it's necessary when replying to a post directly above.

People can engage with threads however they want. If someone is not bothered enough to follow a thread unless their name is called then I'm not that bothered whether they see my response or not. If I was then I would @ them.

Ddakji · 19/08/2025 17:56

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 17:50

I would tag someone if I was replying to something a few posts back for clarity. I don't think it's necessary when replying to a post directly above.

People can engage with threads however they want. If someone is not bothered enough to follow a thread unless their name is called then I'm not that bothered whether they see my response or not. If I was then I would @ them.

So why respond at all? Isn’t that just talking in the wind? If I think I have something worth saying to someone I’ll quote or tag them.

However, obviously we can all do it differently. I think it’s pretty off to say it isn’t the done thing, though.

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2025 18:00

ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 22:27

I’ve already tried this too unfortunately.

And what happened? She didn't mind losing her phone? And lifts?

tinydynamine · 19/08/2025 18:01

My 23-year old son vapes. He has schizophrenia and substance abuse of many kinds is unfortunately common in people with serious psychiatric problems. He used to smoke but changed to vaping. I allow him to vape on our balcony but not indoors.

ConfusedSloth · 19/08/2025 18:01

Ddakji · 19/08/2025 17:38

Right. Never knew that. However, without quoting or tagging you’re basically expecting people to keep checking the thread and scrolling back to find where you might be replying to them. That doesn’t seem right to me.

It’s done when people want to respond to someone without comeback (hoping it isn’t noticed) so they can be provably wrong without anyone correcting them. And they need to get the last word in.

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2025 18:02

PencilsInSpace · 19/08/2025 17:50

I would tag someone if I was replying to something a few posts back for clarity. I don't think it's necessary when replying to a post directly above.

People can engage with threads however they want. If someone is not bothered enough to follow a thread unless their name is called then I'm not that bothered whether they see my response or not. If I was then I would @ them.

Your post doesn't always appear straight after the one you're replying to, sadly.

So it's easier to click Quote

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 19/08/2025 18:02

At this age going head to head is a waste of time in my opinion. I would stand firm on your position though and tell her that you wouldn't vape yourself and tell her why. Don't let her vape in or around your house. And keep up parenting her in other ways otherwise. She'll probably come around in time 🤞