To let DD vape?

[ByBoldLeader]

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

My mum still tells me off for occassionally vaping/smoking and I am mid 40s. I think you can keep on trying to make her give up forever but its doen to her really.

I wouldn’t allow in my house or garden. I thought disposable ones were illegal now?
I wouldn’t be doing any favours for them like picking them up etc. As they are all grown up now.
I also don’t want to be their friend, I’m their parent. And if I caught them vaping in my house, I would confiscate and dispose off.

YANBU OP, pick your battles.

Sensible info here:

https://ash.org.uk/key-topics/vaping-what-you-need-to-know

https://ash.org.uk/resources/view/use-of-e-cigarettes-among-young-people-in-great-britain

https://talktofrank.com/drug/vapes

Thinking it through, I would calmly say that valuing is not allowed in the house or garden and as she can obviously afford vapes, she can now pay for phone/travel/whatever else you’re currently stumping up for.

I’m struggling with why she’s not listening to you saying she can’t vape in the garden. Who’s in charge in your home? If she’s that disrespectful then that needs serious consequences that aren’t actually to do with the baling but are to do with disrespect to you and your home.

You can’t stop her outside of the house, but you can tell her that she gets no pocket money, lifts or privileges while she continues.

My mum found out I smoked aged 15. She threatened to sell my ponies and ground me indefinitely. I stopped!

I don’t think you’re a bad mum. You cannot force a teen to stop behavior. What does everyone expect you to do? You could takeaway phones and wifi access but she will just go elsewhere and vape. If it makes you feel any better, I smoked when I was 16. Not anywhere near my parents. And did so until my mid 20s. My parents did not smoke, but all my friends did and to be honest, I just liked it.

Yes, I did, in my 20s.

Then stop her.

I appreciate she buys them with her own money, but presumably you still give her money too?

What for?

I had same issue. I said I would stop paying for phone and hobbies - vaping stopped

It’s illegal in Australia too. Vapes can only be purchased on prescription as an aid to quit smoking.

https://www.health.gov.au/topics/smoking-vaping-and-tobacco/about-vaping

Exactly. No idea why that’s not the case here.

What have you tried?
Do you pay for her phone, give her money for food or clothes?
Do you take her on outings or give her money for other things?
Du you confiscate the vape when you find it?
You let her vape in the garden, why?
What else have you tried?

I’ve tried all of those previously unfortunately and DD still vapes.

How does she get to her part time job OP? If she needs a lift, then I’d stop taking her, because the money she earns is essentially damaging her health. And I would stop paying for extras and treats.

Regarding the smoking vs vaping in the young, DS1 is nearly 20 and at uni, and he says a lot of his contemporaries smoke, because vaping is now seen as something that kids do. Vaping is for 13 year olds, so the 18 years olds smoke instead apparently.

It makes me so angry that vape manufacturers were allowed to market directly to kids - pretty colours, nice flavours etc. Vapes should have been kept as a flavourless and basic aid to stopping smoking, not turned into a fun activity for kids. It’s outrageous.

Yeah that's going well for them

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/nov/02/burning-out-how-australias-bid-to-cut-smoking-rates-exploded-into-suburban-tobacco-wars

How long did you try them for?

Eventually but took me a good 15 years.

So I definitely don’t enforce it, I just also understand that teenage mindset as I was the worst.
To be fair though at school - it was the ‘thing’,
we used to sneak out of school to share a cig, my parents did it etc.

Now it’s seen for what it is and less people do it, back then I felt I had to smoke to fit in - now it’s the polar opposite.

I really don't want this to come across rudely but, to be honest with you (because you've asked), yes, I would think you're a bad mum (in that respect).

As a teacher, I very, very rarely came across parents who parented well and couldn't get their child to do something or not do something. Those cases were extreme cases of anxiety, gang-related crime, serious addictions or mental health problems. If she's at the point where you genuinely cannot stop her - you should be speaking to the GP, school and local council support (it will vary depending on your area).

However, from what you've said, I don't really understand how you're saying you've tried everything... You stopped internet/lifts/phone/pocket money? You said you took it away, she vapes anyway but sounds like you just reinstated it? Why? How is she buying vapes? Does she have a job? Friends won't sub her for long. Is there a smoke detector in her room?

Could you take her to a vape shop and encourage her to get one where she uses her own liquid. The disposables are super addictive - 2.0 nicotine and super sweet tasting.

You can buy liquids with different levels of nicotine and ween her down to 1.6, 1.0, 0.6 and then 0 nicotine each week. If she’s vaping with no nicotine she might be able to drop the habit?

I’ve noticed with the disposables, I vaped more and when I got my own liquid I eventually got down to using no nicotine and became unbothered and now only vape socially when I go out and feel I need something to go with my drink.

I smoked for 15 years and then switched to vaping for 7 years. I found vaping worse than cigarettes because I never smoked indoors and cigarettes had an end. Vaping became a constant, rather than being a few puffs I did every hour or so.

So currently... she hasn't got a mobile phone contract, she gets nothing bought for her, she never gets a lift anywhere... ?

How is she getting to work? How is she communicating with her friends?

Absolutely me too.

How long did you try these for? They're all on-going and it isnt making a difference?

I’ve already tried this too unfortunately.

But how long for?

I don’t think you can stop her. I was smoking cigarettes at 16, but I would have never smoked in front of my parents or in the house/garden.

It’s crazy to me that some people here say they let their teenagers vape in their room. For me, vaping is just as bad as cigarettes. At least cigarettes (in my opinion) had some kind of elegance, but vaping is simply gross.What shocks me is how this modern world acts like vaping is harmless or acceptable, when really it’s no different than smoking. In fact, I find it even worse: it’s cheap-looking, addictive, and being marketed as if it’s safe, which is a complete lie.