To let DD vape?

[ByBoldLeader]

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

No your not a bad mum at all!

Shes 16, even if you were to ban it she’s just going to go out and buy them without telling you.

This was me with smoking at age 14, I remember my mum screaming at me to stop but the more she shouted at me/ took them off me the more I wanted to do it.

Stupid teenage years.

Could maybe talking about the health issues with vaping, the cases of collapsed lungs etc help.
Leave little magazines articles out.

Depends on how much she vapes, they’re not actually that expensive, they start off at a lower price for low nicotine ones

You need to stick to your guns when you withold privledges - this sounds as if you came down hard for a shortwhile, but you gave up when she didn't stop vaping. You need to keep it up next time - no Internet, no laundry service or whatever you did.

Vaping is toxic for young lungs, she will blame you for not stopping her when she's trying to quit when she's older.

You can reduce her pocket money. It's true you can't force her to not do it.

You can give consequences for her doing it in the house or even garden. Like saying she can't come on a holiday or go some fancy place? Like saying she has to have a cheaper birthday or Xmas gift? Saying you'll block the WiFi for however many days/ hours?

But sadly if she's vaping nicotine she's addicted. You could try and encourage her to reduce the nicotine down to zero. It is hard though as you can't really make her stop.

I really wish I hadn't started smoking aged 14. But my mum couldn't have stopped me. Even though she disapproved.

All the posters who began smoking or vaping at 14 or 15, have you been able to give it up? ( If you wanted to).

Do you pay for her phone? Hobbies ? Clothing? Fun days out with friends? Basically anything thats not a necessity you could stop. Tell her if she is old enough to decide to ruin her lungs then she can pay for all that stuff.
Keep showing you disapprove.
Keep sending every article about people who have become seriously sick because of it. Especially young people.

You can't stop her. She'd just get better at hiding it, even if you removed all 'privileges'. It's not like you can keep her locked in the house for the next two years. Vaping in the house and garden, you can control though.
I disagree that vaping is a gateway to smoking. Cigarettes just aren't really a 'thing' anymore in the younger generations. Can't remember the last time I actually seen a person under 40 smoking cigarettes .

Also our local GP has a weekly service to help people quit vapes . They provide patches/gum . Maybe your gp has something similar. If she does ever try and quit

Shes 16 not 6 you cant smash up somebody else's property she bought it with her own money that she has earnt

My ds vapes, at least I think he still does, he’s an adult now but has since he was around 16. I’ve said to him that I don’t approve and I don’t like it. But I can’t stop him, I can stop him from smoking in the house and garden though, so I have. He knows I have a nose like a sniffer dog and has developed common sense as he’s got older, so I actually don’t know if he still vapes. I did also remind him that I’d smell cigarette smoke a mile off so pretty confident this has never been a thing.

How does no internet work in a family home?

The thing is posters are saying confiscate it, but confiscate what, a disposable vape? She may have several.

My son started vaping at uni, the rule was not in the house when he was here.

She will be vaping with friends so it’s not going to go away because of the house rules (although keep them in place). I do ‘nag’ my son to stop but he just says in his own time. He was brought up in a smoke free home so it’s disappointing that he vapes/smokes.

They really are. DH and I were at a local pub the other evening (most unusual for us). We were sitting at a table outside. We were the oldest there by a country mile (in our 50s) and every other tables and group had at least one smoker. All in their 20s and 30s.

I asked a younger colleague about this at work and he agreed that it was happening.

DO NOT HIT VAPES WITH A HAMMER

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/h9PtmCNc2Bg

I bought my first packet of cigarettes when I was 16 (many moons ago). I was more a social smoker though. I haven’t smoked in decades and my kids were brought up in a smoke free home (didn't stop my oldest from vaping unfortunately). A lot do grow out of smoking, I don’t know about vaping though as it’s still relatively young.

the more you fo on the more she'll do it-i was smoking at 15 when my parents found out nothing they said stopped me

But how do you know that the strangers at the next table, in their 20's and 30's smoking , started off by vaping?
I never see anyone in this age group smoking actual cigarettes (where I live). Loads of vapers in what used to be the outdoor cigarettes areas though.

Let me guess you gave in and she has all those privileges back?

It's legal to vape at 16, it's illegal to purchase vapes until 18. Local 6th form college has a vape shelter for students.

I think if a child is idiotic enough to start vaping, then the horse has bolted. Obviously the best thing is to have kids who are not tempted and who realise what a stupid thing it is to start.

I’m sure you have tried everything OP. The only thing I would suggest is not giving the Wi-Fi password. But if she doesn’t care about that, I’m not sure what you can do other than say you won’t allow it in the house.

The other mums should mind their own business unless you have asked for their opinion. Have you?

Did you remove her phone/stop paying her contract? That would probably do the trick.

She shouldn’t even be buying them - and vendors shouldn’t be selling them to OP’s DD. It’s flat out illegal- If she’s in the UK then the age limit is 18. I have a 15yo, I would feel really ok about smashing a vape if I found one. Putting it in the bin is no good - they could just get it out again!

I don’t. But you said that under 40s don’t smoke anymore. I’ve found out that they do. I was pretty astonished but as I said my younger colleague agreed, that he’s noticing more and more than he’s starting to stand out as a non-smoker when he’s out.

Well how about NOT smashing the battery and bashing up the bit that goes in your mouth? Although a ceremonial fire would also have a certain impact and a lot of noxious chemicals too, better not try that

I'd put a sensitive smoke alarm of whatever type is likely to be set off by vapour in her room. She would also be told to leave the property entirely if she was going to go against my wishes and vape at all. Foolish girl, but you have my sympathies for not being able to stop her.

@ByBoldLeader I want to truly validate you permitting her to vape at home. The alternative being (as I presume she is in fact addicted) that she would spend less and less time at home, and be exposed to more and more other vices normalised amongst her peers. Less likely to disclose other issues etc, become more distant and less able to be guided by you or seek your help on other more serious topics.
Only you can make this judgement as to what’s the best and safest route for her, you love her more than all of us on the internet.

You could have a hard not inside the house rule.
If she has younger siblings you could have a hard never in front of the kids rule.
You could reasonably have a time of day rule if there are younger kids eg only after 9pm.

If she will engage you could have more open shared conversations and internet searches about nicotine content, “safe vapes” (ie more certain of nicotine content, less likelihood of rogue additives), addiction. Substituting some vaping with nicotine replacements maybe.

Plus I rather think those saying “just don’t let her vape” have never actually been in a similar situation themselves

Edit - I like the bedroom smoke alarm idea of it would work