Hobby tainted

[Nicechianti]

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

If it's £4 fish, yes. I don't think they're particularly bothered whether they're swimming round an aquarium in OP's house or back in an aquarium at the shop, or someone else's house, as long as the pH of the water is the right one, they're not in with predators, and they've got whatever they need for stimulation. She's not swapping Labrador puppies here.

They’re all old enough for you to be utterly blunt with them.

so tell them LITERALLY to fuck off with their faux concern, that you’ve given up hundreds and thousands of hours indulging their whims and supporting their interests and now you’re taking a couple of hours for your own interests and they have the cheek to take the piss. And again, tell them to fuck right off.

i know that sounds base, but sounds like you’ve sacrificed a lot for them all and they begrudge you a couple of hours ‘off’

they don’t own you. This is your life, and you’ll do what makes you happy now.

Am assuming we're coming from same angle? It's shitty to say that behaviour to live creatures is ok as long as the 'hobbyist' has fun @Laxoverhols

OP's hobby involves live animals - you can't just drop it when you can't be arsed anymore.

They're still live animals who deserve a bit better than being shunted off to random pet shops when OP gets bored.

Well yes, just because they cost £4 doesn't meant they count for fuck all. Do you think a dog costing £5k is more worthy than a £50 dogs trust one?

100% keep at it!

Now that it's fishkeeping, I am on the fence a bit.

Same! I think changing your mind when keeping animals is a different thing entirely to “oh I took up crochet and got bored”. I think it’s bloody cruel, if I’m honest.

She keeps rasbora fish and some shrimp, I don't think they can distinguish between a pet shop aquarium and a home aquarium, much less whether they are being returned to a "random" aquarium or the one they were bought from.

It doesn't sound as though her family are approaching this from a rasbora welfare perspective though, and she wasn't asking about the ethics of fish-keeping as a hobby as opposed to a job.

Which makes me wonder why OP got bored/ jacked it in.
Because sadly, it's like some posters say: many women that are also mothers and often wives don't seem to be able to pursue a time-consuming or expensive hobby.

Speaking from experience, I got a lot of why and who does this or that around the house and DC when I'm gone the whole day competing. Well DC have a father and we have 2 cars!! And don't get me started when the lovely DC & DH greet me at the door asking for dinner after a day of competing. Ahm just sort yourselves out! Plenty of fast food in the fridge & freezer!
They can make it difficult if they want but for me it's definitely a battle worth fighting!
I am progressing nicely and after 3 years the family have almost accepted my hobby par the odd dig when it's eating into family time.

Maybe they don't care, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't care.

Keeping fish (or any animal) and then dumping them when you get bored is a shitty thing to do, from most people's viewpoints. It's not like crochet or colouring or collecting china dolls.

OP says she sensed "vitriol" - people are just offering up explanations as to why that might be.

I personally find it very odd that you're defending this, but each to their own.

She does swap them in for these fish to be fed to predators...

Yes same angle

not once, not twice but multiple times

I can’t imagine what the pet shop thinks when the op darkens the door again?

Remember the recent thread of the DH bringing home the goldfish?

I don't think being grumpy your Mum is treating living creatures as toys to abandon when she's bored is a feminist issue

I don't agree with keeping any animals as pets and I don't have any. There are many shitty things people do regarding pets - OP keeps shrimp which she might return to a fish shop, other people will keep shrimp which they feed as live prey to their other aquatic pets. Yet others keep beasts which require a steady diet of dead mice which are raised for the purpose and frozen in blocks to sell in pet shops. I don't think that sending fish back to the shop is the hill I'd die on in regards to pets and cruelty.

And one of the kids supposedly spewing vitriol is a 16 year old female

making this a feminist issue is daft

it’s an op who has repeatedly jacked in a hobby

Tell them, in whatever way is appropriate for their ages...

To fuck off.

Your time, your money, your house. If you want to pick up and put down a hobby as suits you, you can.

As long as it is not negatively impacting them, they can either be polite about it or shut the fuck up. You don't, I assume, take the piss out of the things they're interested in?

Who said anything about dying on a hill?

All I was doing was giving a reason why her family may be giving her "vitriol"

Yeah, fuck the live animals involved, OP should just do whatever she wants

I would ignore them OP, if that's what makes you happy then just do it.

My hobby is horses, my family have good reason to complain because it costs a fortune and takes up every spare minute but they don't because a) they know it's what I love doing and b) because they know I wouldn't listen anyway.

Yep! Is all a bit grim.

Why on earth does OP get bored of something she apparently loves?! Obviously doesn’t care about the animals in her care - just takes them back when bored.

no not just you. The only two times I have ever given fish away was once when I had a massive year for baby goldfish and I knew the person they were going to and again when we moved abroad and I knew the person they were going to.

but do you dump them on someone else or sell or swap them?