Hobby tainted

[Nicechianti]

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

You need to be sharper with the lot of them. A sharp "Excuse me, this is my house and I'm entitled to do my hobby without your constant criticism" should do the trick.

The more I think about this, the more I think WTF is the OP seriously thinking of walking back in to that pet shop for, what… the 4th/5th/6th time, to say… “bag em up baby, I’m giving this hobby yet another go”

Whatever you do don’t tell us the hobby. It could be terribly terribly outing.

A reason that you have completely invented on their behalf and are now invested in 😂

If her family had an ethical problem with her keeping fish they'd have said so, and her OP would have been AIBU to keep fish if I sometimes return them, and she'd almost certainly have had a resounding YABU. She was asking about the dynamics not the hobby.

Why cant you just tell us what hobby is?

@godmum56

No sorry, I hadn't read the whole thread so hadn't realised this is what the OP does.
Mine are with me for life.

🤭

@Laura95167 it's fish

Do you think the OP would share if the family did have an ethical problem? 🤨

Elsewhere on Mumsnet you will read that the death knell to a relationship is not necessarily infidelity or financial issues, it’s contempt. Once one partner starts treating the other with contempt it’s over.
Here are three men treating the sole female in the household with total contempt. No wonder she’s upset.
Tell them all to get tae fuck, OP.

No, I was just offering a suggestion

And we don't know how honest OP would be about what issues her family have (or don't have). The dynamics are possibly a big part of why the hobby is an issue, as well.

You're very defensive of someone you don't know.

She's not the solo female though.

You know, I get where you’re coming from. A few years ago I picked up a new hobby and my husband was sometimes supportive, and sometimes not. One day I was chatting about it with the kids over dinner and he said, in such a nasty tone, oh look kids, your mum’s talking about karate. Again.’

I never forgot that, and we’re getting divorced now….

Even though her hobby involves purchasing and getting bored of live animals on repeated cycles?

This is where I lost sympathy tbh... picking up and dropping hobbies is fine but when there's actually living things involved it just seems a bit 🤢😬🙄 the ebay/Gumtree bit 😭😭😭

I have a hobby of dolls houses. I have 2 enormous houses - we talking 2 metres high. One is complete the second is work in progress. they take up most of our 3rd bedroom - with the boxes of accessories, tools to make stuff etc.

DH & DCs think I'm bonkers. I pick up some items at auctions, but most is made by me. For example I'm currently spending hours turning wooden stirrers into floorboards, & now have developed a way of making them into parquet flooring. I make clothes for my dolls & spend hours researching costumes for the right period, making patterns & then the clothes. I But DH complains that this room is unusable because it's my 'hobby room' (as well as my office when WFH). However, it's my money that I've earned, not his money so he can't object to that. We have another room with bunk beds & a double bed that DCs & GC can stay in when they come to stay. As 2 out of our 3 DCs live locally we only ever have GC staying. The other DC lives abroad & usually stays with one of our other DCs when they're in the country so we're not depriving them of the pleasure of their visits.

I put up with the jibes about Nanny's dolls house as the DC are rather impressed when I get the lights working & show them what I'm working on.

I've uploaded a picture of my housekeeper (Mrs Mac) who I repurposed from a doll bought as a discontinued item for £1.00 as photos show. I did make her undies before taking her picture with added padding - just to protect her dignity 😉

@Nicechianti I don't understand what the issue is. 4 trains are not expensive.

Isnt that getting a pet opposed to a hobby?

Arent fish a pet not a hobby?

She doesn't actually buy trains. She gets fish and then gets bored of them.

YABVVU to put the word hobby in the title of your thread, and not tell what the hobby actually is.

I think MN need to ban any posters who discuss their or their DH/DP’s hobby but don’t disclose what said hobby actually is.

On that basis I’ll comment no further.

Well, I'm obsessed with plants - buying them, caring for them, moving them about, generally treating them like tiny pampered children - and my DH and kid think it's hilarious and constantly rib me about it in very similar terms, OP, so you're not alone but perhaps you're taking it slightly more seriously than intended?

To those posters who keep asking what the hobby is OP already said it's fishkeeping, which honestly I would never have compared to trains or dolls or pokemon cards. They are living creatures that shouldn't just be sold on ebay/gumtree or returned to the pet shop (or fish restaurant 😱)

To those posters who keep asking what the hobby is OP already said it's fishkeeping, which honestly I would never have compared to trains or dolls or pokemon cards. They are living creatures that shouldn't just be sold on ebay/gumtree or returned to the pet shop (or fish restaurant 😱)

Sorry I posted too soon! The OP has said what the hobby is!