Hobby tainted

[Nicechianti]

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

it hurts when they gang up on you and that they wre enjoying baiting you. especially as no support from DH and him joining in. best way to deal with bullies is to point out to them they are bullying you and that its not nice. say you've completely spoiled my hobby and is it that all you want me to to do is cook , care and clean for you and have no life. that they enjoyed it acting like a feeding pack is horrid. maybe a hobby that takes you away for an hour like yoga . you need time away. bin that hobby til they ask you why you're not doing it and remind them they spoiled it for you. big hug really big hug.

It’s fish and OP loses interest and gives them away on Gumtree or returns them to the shop then gets more when her interest piques again, etc etc.

Its fish but the problem is the op gets bored of them, loses interst & gives them away on Gumtree or back to the pet shop to swap them for more exciting ones.

And having heard this lots of posters (rightly) agree with the dh & kids that this is perhaps not an ideal 'hobby' for op as they are living creatures who deserve better lives...

I don’t think the hobby is one I’d encourage OP to return to.

Oh I see. We have a swallows aquatics near us that just take the fish back. We have had big tanks and with all the water changes etc I could not continue when we got to the end of the last cycle and we had kids. Beautiful but time consuming. Thats why I love rage rooms and smashing China and roller derby as my hobbies now

That's not brilliant, that's shocking!! You buy fish to look after, then take them back to the pet shop when you get fed up with them? They are live creatures, that's awful!

😁

If it was, like, knitting I'd say tell them to shove the knitting needles up their arse but I do think this might be one of those hobbies where it's best if it's a family decision. It is quite big and equipmenty! My uncle kept prizewinning koi for years and it completely took over the garden.

Well maybe she shouldn't use live animals and give them away when she gets bored then! No wonder her family are fed up.

You think getting, using and giving away live animals when you get bored is nice behaviour?

I actually can't believe the amount of people here supporting the OP! Is it because some people seem them as "just fish"? Bet it would be different if it was dogs!

I'm with your kids. I don't think anyone should restart a hobby involving animals that they have previously got bored of and then given them all away.

This is such a weird thread.
what ON EARTH is this hobby??? If the op would just fess up we could give a sensible answer …

This thread gets weirder the longer you read it. I was going to say that if you're going to have a hobby like toy train sets you should be prepared for some banter, but temporary fish keeping is just insane.

The OP said quite early in. Fishkeeping.

So a husband and two kids ribbed the mother about her lack of commitment to real live animals that she just shoves in a plastic bag and takes back to the shop when she's fed up with them? I just cannot imagine why.

I'm annoyed because a) I've spent far too much time working out what this was all about, and b) I thought the OP was building a train layout (yes, some women do do this - I have a small n-gauge industrial layout myself 😆) and I was going to leap to her defence.

Not any more.

Nasty post. Why are you talking about the OP in the third person as if she's not reading it?

To me, that's the whole point of a hobby, you dip in and out as the fancy takes you!

How can you give them away on ebay when it's not permitted to trade live animals.? After reading all your updates i agree with your family. Living beings arent in existence to be picked up and dropped..with that kind of commitment please dont get a dog, or a cat, or a rabbbit......or any living being.

Not when it's living creatures.

I’m confused. Is your hobby to do with trains, or are you using them as an example?
if so, why not just say your actual hobby?
if it were me, I’d make sure I stuck to it this time just to prove your family wrong!

Not really fish'keeping' is it?
Fish-have-till-bored-then-give 'em away for shinier ones?

Yup, my attitude changed completely when I found out it was living creatures and not something like trains or crocheting.

I think the family are justified in objecting to her behaving this way over living creatures.

However, I also didn't like the OP's comment fairly early on poking fun at people having 10 dolls' houses and 30 cats. It's not ok for her family to make fun of/be vitriolic/whatever about her fishkeeping but she can make fun of other people's hobbies. Quite nasty actually.

My DP claims he wants more fish. During Covid we had a big clear out, including cleaning and emptying the fish tank. The empty tank has remained in the shelf since then, waiting.
DD and I moved it to the garage last month and DP barely noticed.
Enjoy your hobby, OP!

Fish keeping is lovely, I did it myself, but like you kept them as pets through their life span. The issue is the op gets bored and then gives away or returns the fish to the shop, so they get purchased, quarantined, get used to a new environment and then sent off again. Some of these fish have relatively short life spans compared with carp type cold water fish, so that's alot of upheaval.