To ask DH to put some inheritance towards a holiday?

[IndieRocknRoll]

DH’s father passed away a few months ago.
He’s set to inherit around 80k. This hasn’t been discussed at all between us, however, eventually I asked him directly what he plans to do with the money and he said invest it. Fair enough. It’s his money.
WIBU to ask him to put a small portion towards a family holiday? I’d love to take the DC to Florida before our eldest leaves home. It’s not something we’d ordinarily be able to afford.
For context, over the years I’ve had a few small inheritances totalling around 8k which I’ve used for family holidays or paid into our joint account. My parents and grandparents are very generous by nature and have gifted us money for a house deposit, wedding etc, taken us on holidays, loaned money for home improvements, given cash gifts at Christmas, whereas his parents were really quite frugal. We come from families that despite having similar incomes, have very different attitudes to money and it’s reflected in our own outlooks on money I think!
I kind of feel that he’s benefitted considerably over the years from the generosity of my wider family so AIBU to ask him to use some of this money to pay towards a family holiday or is it a bit grabby?!

He didn't get to say you had to invest your inheritances because you wanted to spend them, so I think he gets to decide what he does with his inheritance.

If thats the case then i dont see why it should be any different. You usually put it in a joint account and decide what to do with it together. Just because its more than normal i dont see why he should suddenly make the decision. Other than i agree with him spending any of it on a holiday isnt my cup of tea i think its something you have every right to be involved in the decision.

Because an inheritance is different. Unless co-mingled with joint finances it isn’t a marital asset.

OP chose to add hers to the joint pot (freely, but the sounds of it), but equally he can choose not to.

I'd go gentle OP, inheritance is much more loaded than just money for many people. When my mum died she left me some money but I struggled to even see it as mine for over a year. I always referred to it as "my mum's money". DH and I weren't married then, and eventually put some of it towards the house, but I felt a real extra responsibility to spend it "right" for her sake.

I didnt know that. I thought if you werent married or you inherited it before you were married then yes, not a marital asset. But during marriage i thought it would just be another positive in the pot and in a divorce, for example, it would be taken into account 50/50

Just had a bit google. You are right. Thanks

Also, depending on how it’s been bequeathed to him, he may not have the freedom to add it to the joint pot. For example, if it’s in a discretionary trust.

Just ask him

you can ask, he can say no…

Would you (and many others posters by the looks of it) honestly say that you wouldn’t be bothered by this?

Yes, honestly. My husband and I have both joint and separate finances, and money from our respective relatives (through inheritance and/or other sources), including that which we do have the freedom to co-mingle, is the latter. Unless given to us as a couple, of course.

It wouldn’t occur to me to consider his inheritance to be anything other than his. I also wouldn’t consider mine to be his (not that he would, either).

This is different as it’s a larger sum of money and an inheritance, which he clearly sees differently - as his not ours as a family, which judging by many of the posts upthread, is fair enough.

You're not being fair @IndieRocknRoll

In fact you seem to be rather 'huffy' over it.

If he invests it, you will ALL benefit in the long term. It's for the FAMILY. In your OLD AGE.
He' s trying to be practical.

Maybe he sees it as very different to the sums you had, like perhaps £1K or whatever which wouldn't make a huge difference long term to your circumstances.

You seem to have more idea about his plans than me! 🤣
He could be planning to blow it all on a midlife crisis sports car for all I know. He’s said absolutely nothing about investing it for the family or our old age. That’s pure presumption on your part.
I’m assuming he will invest it as that’s something he’s talked about but I have no idea what he plans to do with it beyond that. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to be kept in the loop.

I asked him directly what he plans to do with the money and he said invest it.

Your very first post, yesterday.

In your 2nd post you said you assumed he'd invest it in pensions so he could retire at 60.For those asking what he’s going to invest it for, I’m
not sure. I’m assuming it will be for retirement. He’s made a point of saying several times that he’d like to retire at 60.

You went on to say you had little in savings, and that it made sense to invest it.

I don't understand how you can forget this overnight.

You don't have a money problem per se. You have a communication / marriage problem. Your values seem different.

Do you ever sit down together and plan your finances?

At 45, hoping to retire in 15 years, you need a plan.

You should both get pension predictions, state pension predictions (although the retirement age is likely to rise to 70 by then.) And work out what you need as income through pensions.

The current advice is, for a couple, £25K for a basic lifestyle, £42K for a more comfortable lifestyle and £60K + for a more luxurious lifestyle.

You should decide if you can overpay your mortgage and by how much or use his inheritance to clear some of it.

And as your kids may be going to uni in your 50s, you need to consider if you can help fund that- current student loans do not pay for accommodation. (Many years back we were paying £700 per month ON TOP of our own mortgage to fund our kids at uni/ accommodation.)

Some financial planning is needed before a holiday in Florida.

Ask, but be prepared for him to say no, the fact you used some of your inherited money towards holidays doesn't mean he will necessarily want to do the same- attitudes towards money and holidays can vary wildly- personally I wouldn't ever prioritize a holiday in Florida/ Disneyworld.

We'd view inheritances as family money. I think a balanced approach is to spend some on a holiday you otherwise couldn't afford or would struggle to afford, then invest the rest. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Life has to be lived too and you can't take any of it with you.

It just sounds like your views on money are very different. You can ask, but I'd only do it if you're sure you won't be aggrieved if he says no.

It sounds like the large inheritance may be the share of a very frugal life lived by his family's standards. In these circumstances he may feel honour bound not to fritter it away, but to invest.

Myself and my husband have polar opposite approaches to money. He's a very frugal, careful investor. I'm a spender and earner.

We never interfere with each other's spending or saving habits, even though we are both impacted by each other's spending behaviour. It's worked so far. We complement each other because I prise the money out to enjoy life, and he is the reason we have a nest egg. We both win.

I inherited some money from my dad and immediately took my DD on an expensive holiday to help us get over the pain of losing him. I still regret it 10 years later and wish I'd been much more sensible with everything he left me.

I inherited just over £800,000 from my parents . Myself and dh are OK, we both have decent jobs and have paid off our mortgage early. I have put this inheritance into trust funds for my three children . It was what l wanted to do, my dh said it was my money and l should do l l wanted to do .
People are different and have their own thoughts but a trip to Florida to Disney these days could put a big dint into your husbands inheritance, it isn't cheap...How about a less expensive holiday, there are plenty of countries you can visit alot cheaper...

I never understand this seperate money thing. Yes, I know it's inheritance. I still think the same.

I would just say that for you this is money. For your DH this may feel like a piece of his dad (not to be too melodramatic about it!) or his dad’s abstinence and hard work. It’s going to be tough for him spending that money on a holiday knowing the man who saved it never allowed himself one…

It's not a huge amount but proportionally may be to him if you have few savings.

My DH inherited from his parent's . For argument's sake, let's say it was £200K.(he also has siblings.)

We divided it into 3 as a joint decision - equal amounts between us and our 2 children.

The proviso for them was it was for either higher education (they didn't use it for that) or for a house deposit- which they put it towards.
We gave them more of our own savings towards a house deposit because where they live house prices are high ( basic family home £500k+)

We were only able to give them money because we'd been quite careful over the years- no pricy holidays (we aren't interested in the type of holiday you're hankering after.)

I don't think he's regarding it as a separate thing; she's afraid to mention it (again) as he's already said he wants to invest it. And she doesn't want an 'argument'.

This.

I wouldn't let my family go anywhere in the USA at the moment.