To ask DH to put some inheritance towards a holiday?

[IndieRocknRoll]

DH’s father passed away a few months ago.
He’s set to inherit around 80k. This hasn’t been discussed at all between us, however, eventually I asked him directly what he plans to do with the money and he said invest it. Fair enough. It’s his money.
WIBU to ask him to put a small portion towards a family holiday? I’d love to take the DC to Florida before our eldest leaves home. It’s not something we’d ordinarily be able to afford.
For context, over the years I’ve had a few small inheritances totalling around 8k which I’ve used for family holidays or paid into our joint account. My parents and grandparents are very generous by nature and have gifted us money for a house deposit, wedding etc, taken us on holidays, loaned money for home improvements, given cash gifts at Christmas, whereas his parents were really quite frugal. We come from families that despite having similar incomes, have very different attitudes to money and it’s reflected in our own outlooks on money I think!
I kind of feel that he’s benefitted considerably over the years from the generosity of my wider family so AIBU to ask him to use some of this money to pay towards a family holiday or is it a bit grabby?!

When DC inherit from us I would love them to spend some of it on a treat not just practical stuff

Me too but if they were in their 50s with no long term savings, I would prefer they saved it.

It does say in the OP that she has had inheritance that she spent on family holidays.

Has she though? It may have been given as "family money", but what say did DH have in how it was spent? Maybe DH would have preferred to save some of OP's inheritance rather than spend it on the holidays and household items that it was spent on.

DH saving the money is still for the good of the family; it's just not the way that OP wants to spend the money.

Is it good for the family for him to retire earlier or is it good for him?

Yes, you're right.

But she did say several small ones over several years, so maybe £1K or so each.

OP seems to like spending money on holidays!

I think this is why her H is not willing to do the same with his inheritance.

You can build memories without spending £15K on one holiday.

That money would go a long way towards uni fees/ accommodation if her children go.

Or into the rainy day fund.

Don’t count on redundancy pots in case it would happen.. majority of companies nowadays give only small amount and legally you are not entitled to anything except for 1 week of pay for every year worked which is capped at £700 / week. So if you have worked somewhere for 20 yrs, you’d only get £14K.. sounds like a lot but in a crappy job market you could be unemployed for 6 months

OP doesn't know what he intends to save the money for.
She's only suggested it might be for retirement (but also said they have good pensions already).

Finding out what he is investing for would be a good question for OP to ask. If the DC are getting towards leaving home age, it might well be aimed at being able to give them some financial support for university/leaving home/starting jobs which is an expensive time.

It’s his inheritance and it’s substantial. YABU to insist he fritters it away on a holiday.

Thanks all for your input. Sorry, there have been so many questions that I can’t respond to them all, but to clear a few things up, we are mid 40s, middle income (not the typical Mumsnet 3 figure salaries sadly!) with a teen & pre-teen DC. We are fairly comfortable in terms of the everyday stuff. DH has a long term share save scheme as part of his bonus package - we tend to use this for the more expensive stuff such as home improvements, though we could dip in for an emergency - We don’t have a 100k nest egg of savings that we’ve squirrelled away, but then neither do any of our friends of a similar age & income so I don’t think we’re that unusual . I guess that’s where inheritance often comes in. I think investing his inheritance (not in his own pension pot) is sensible so maybe we need to compromise and save up for the trip ourselves with a top up from his inheritance.

This isn’t something I’m going to broach with him at the moment as it seems a bit crass when the probate stuff hasn’t been sorted but I think it needs a conversation at some point when the time is right. Not least because assuming that if I also inherit a similar amount, what do I do with it?! Stash it away? If we help the kids out financially at some point do we take half from each inheritance? Will he even want to help them out seeing as my in-laws didn’t do this? I mean there’s some crazy rabbit holes we could go down if it sits in separate pots!

My DH wasn’t keen to help our adult DC , he talked the talk but when it came to it he didn’t hand over the cash. So I used my inheritance and savings to help them.

I generally always try and see the bigger picture and rarely 'man attack' but your husband sounds rather dickish. In my marriage, money is family money and we spend it as a family.

Op a tiny bit won't affect his plans

I'm just wondering why florida is it disney ?

Ten grand ?

Why not cheaper and one of the amazing theme parks in Europe or Japan / disney or something amazing. And if you struggle for holidays you can do a few a year or over a few years

Anyway ask him and say it would be a small generous gift to the family and the memories will go a long way and he still has plenty to save

For context, over the years I’ve had a few small inheritances totalling around 8k which I’ve used for family holidays or paid into our joint account

If he’s of the opinion that the inheritance is his and not family money, then how did he justify you using your inheritances to pay for his share of a family holiday? Or adding it to your joint account that he benefits from as well?

Will he be repaying you the money spent on his share of the holiday? Or what he spent from what you added to the joint account? Or will that be different and a case of you being petty?

Ps DH and I were on our bare bones much of the time and we earn less than 50 k combined however when i got a small inheritance most started a sip for me (pension ) some into back up ISA saving and I then brought a years pass to Disney Paris and funded off site hotels and travel

It's possible to do it all.

Well, your inheritance is just that - yours. It’s up to you what you do with it, and if you want to similarly stash it away you can.

An inheritance doesn’t automatically become a joint asset, and he may wish to keep his separately so it doesn’t become one. Again, you can choose to do the same with yours.

You have different attitudes when it comes to finances than your husband, and it may not be possible to get on the same page. It will be something you need to discuss.

He’s set to inherit around 80k. This hasn’t been discussed at all between us, however, eventually I asked him directly what he plans to do with the money and he said invest it. Fair enough. It’s his money.
WIBU to ask him to put a small portion towards a family holiday? I’d love to take the DC to Florida before our eldest leaves home.

YABU. This is capital, not income (unless your combined salaries are a lot more than £80k pa). For people on fairly average incomes, you should never treat this kind of sum as income. It should be invested, to create income.

Having read your update @IndieRocknRoll surely the first thing you should do is pay off some or all of your mortgage?
Sure that's what a FA would advise.
You're paying interest all the time on it.
It's the same as having a CC debt and not clearing it when you could.

Without knowing the exact figures it's almost impossible to make a call on this.
For example, if you have £30K as a nest egg, then this £80K is a huge amount.

You're clearly not rolling in money as you are mid 40s with few savings despite you both working (full time?)

You're reacting emotionally; giving your kids a holiday in Florida is fine, but it's a real luxury and it doesn't really match your income/assets at the moment.

You asked if it would be okay to put a small amount towards a holiday.
£15K out of £80K is not a small amount. Especially when you don't have much savings.

It would be fine IMO to put maybe £3K towards a holiday but at the same time, if you're going to throw £15K at it, ask yourself how soon you could save that amount and put it back into the savings pot.

You can always ask…

It's a bit crass TBH when he's only 'set' to inherit it as his Dad has only recently died. But you're planning to spend a lot on a holiday in Florida.

Have a heart.

It’s his money to do as he pleases. Women are told this all the time when they come into an inheritance

surely the first thing you should do is pay off some or all of your mortgage?
Sure that's what a FA would advise?

No, it probably isn't..

Invested in stocks and shares, returns are on average 10%, so you are better off with that, unless your mortgage rate is very high

However, a good FA will always start with asking you what your financial goals are and what you should do will depend on that. E.g. if putting your children through university in the next 5 years is a goal for this money, stocks and shares aren't the right choice as those need to be considered long term investments.

You also have to consider the behavioural side of things - if you would be tempted to spend it, mortgage is a better choice as it locks it away a bit more.

Yes, I agree.

Stocks and shares are always a long term investment and can go up and down.
You also need to know what you're doing or get advice.
S&S ISAs are okay.

We've got a lot of S&S but we only invested once we had money to 'play with' other than some shares DH had through his work.

They are not tax-free however if you cash them in and that's a consideration especially at the moment.

This is one of those examples where i think having separate finances comes home to roost. Its how you do things. Its his money. Each time you used your little family gifts it was YOUR choice. He is under no obligation to use his inheritance for anything other than his own purposes.

On the other hand, i have had a family money situation for over 30 years. Me and my partner have never debated who put what into the coffers. I earn 4 x my partner so i expect it can be quite imbalanced. But we decided to have a life together, have a family together and i hope live out our lives together.

I have a bigger inheritance coming my way in the next few weeks and i havent given it a second thought. We will be mortgage free and we will work towards our retirement in about 15 years together.

I wouldn’t really say we do have separate finances generally.
He earns x3 what I do. We pool our salaries. Bills come out of a joint account and we have the same amount of spending money each which we keep in our own separate accounts. He often gets a yearly bonus and we discuss what to use it for or whether to save it. Any extra money such as his bonuses, shares and including my smaller gifts and inheritances have gone straight into our joint savings account. There’s never really needed to be a discussion around it,. Even what to do with larger sums such as his share saves have been discussed between us.
This is different as it’s a larger sum of money and an inheritance, which he clearly sees differently - as his not ours as a family, which judging by many of the posts upthread, is fair enough.