To ask DH to put some inheritance towards a holiday?

[IndieRocknRoll]

DH’s father passed away a few months ago.
He’s set to inherit around 80k. This hasn’t been discussed at all between us, however, eventually I asked him directly what he plans to do with the money and he said invest it. Fair enough. It’s his money.
WIBU to ask him to put a small portion towards a family holiday? I’d love to take the DC to Florida before our eldest leaves home. It’s not something we’d ordinarily be able to afford.
For context, over the years I’ve had a few small inheritances totalling around 8k which I’ve used for family holidays or paid into our joint account. My parents and grandparents are very generous by nature and have gifted us money for a house deposit, wedding etc, taken us on holidays, loaned money for home improvements, given cash gifts at Christmas, whereas his parents were really quite frugal. We come from families that despite having similar incomes, have very different attitudes to money and it’s reflected in our own outlooks on money I think!
I kind of feel that he’s benefitted considerably over the years from the generosity of my wider family so AIBU to ask him to use some of this money to pay towards a family holiday or is it a bit grabby?!

Just to clarify, I’m not suggesting he blow the whole lot on a holiday! He’d still have 70k to invest. It’s not either/or and I don’t know if the investment is for our family or himself as he doesn’t see fit to tell me!

@99bottlesofkombuchaI actually think you’ve articulated it brilliantly.

Of course you can ask. If you're uncertain or uncomfortable, maybe approach it as "Wouldn't it be nice to take one last family trip before Noah goes off to uni ... " Explain the benefits, and propose Florida with some idea of the costs and discuss how to afford it. He may just shut it down if HE is not interested in a holiday, but at least you'll have talked and have a better idea of what's possible instead of wondering.

@IndieRocknRoll Apologies if i've missed it but why Florida? You want him to spend 10-15k on a holiday and he doesn't even get a choice in the destination.

I think you should just ask. We hadn’t had a holiday for many years and decided to do a family holiday to Florida that everyone could enjoy. This was just over a year ago and cost 8k for a family of 4 adults/teens. We stayed at Disney Springs but did stay onsite in Universal. It was really worth it and so pleased that we did it then as one of my DC’s has become very unwell and we would have no hope of doing it now. It’s really changed my outlook on life, I think that you should do things when you can.

I’m not sure that you choosing to share and spend it obliges him to do the same. it would be one thing if he saw your inheritance as equally his, but did he? Bu the sounds of it you were indeed free to do with yours the same as he is doing with his? Inheritance doesn’t automatically become a joint marital asset.

You have different attitudes to money. Neither of you are wrong imo.

Yanbu, especially given that it sounds like you’ve shared far more than the cost of that holiday with him, from family money that you’ve received. Otherwise it’s a case of what’s his is his and what’s yours is shared - that’s not fair.

How did you get it that cheaply? Whenever I’ve looked at the cost for 2 adults and 2 teens it’s been in excess of 10k.

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask.
I also think he'd be unreasonable to say no under the circumstances you've described. In fact, I think he should have suggested it himself. Shame you're going to have to raise it imo.

He has happily taken taken taken from your family, accepted family holidays from your inheritances, but hasn't immediately offered to do the same. A single holiday?

I would be saying something.

I love a Florida holiday but I think in the financial circumstances together e described YABU. You say you don’t really have any savings, so first priority is 6 months expenses in a high interest savings account, then invest the rest - perhaps a stocks and shares ISA, or pay a chunk off the mortgage (depends what interest rates and early repayment penalties are).

This

There’s a big difference between a modest holiday and the expectation of a mega expensive trip to Disney in US - the money if invested would potentially set your children up in their own homes or fund a comfortable retirement

I'd say invest it for your dc so it essentially skips a generation. Intergenerational wealth is what makes the difference. If you blow it all on a holiday or your own pensions then your dc won't see the benefit.

Florida is just so expensive, I know it's amazing and would love to take mine but can you justify almost 20% of his inheritance towards 1 holiday?

Did he ever make suggestions about what should be done with money that came your way?

I'm lucky that we no longer have a mortgage, cars paid for - no debts.

If one of us had received an inheritance when we had children, mortgage etc, I know that we would have paid off a chunk of the mortgage as the sooner you get rid, the better off the family would be as a whole & then earnings can go on holidays rather than paying the mortgage. This is what we did, we overpaid the mortgage every year getting rid of a 20 year mortgage in (as I remember) 11 years.

Once the mortgage was paid off DH spent every spare penny on expanding his business. But then it paid off in the end when he retired & sold it at a big profit much of which has gone into trust funds for GC, which we've since added to. They won't need to worry about getting into debt if they choose to go to Uni &, with the interest that's accumulating, there will still be a decent amount left for deposits on their first homes.

I'd ask. I'd say that you have always made sure your inheritances benefit the family and enable you to have experiences you couldn't otherwise enjoy, and that you'd like him to consider putting aside an amount for a special family holiday, just as you did with your inheritances.

We did this when I came into some money, and it enabled a trip of a lifetime swhich DC still talk about often. It was a really good idea.

He should offer. It's crazy that you've no savings are desperate for a hol and he's 'investing' it ie keeping for himself.

Just say outright 'how much have you earmarked for a holiday, 10k? shall we start looking?'

DC both have decent chunks of inheritance of their own that we will invest for them so should cover something such as a house deposit.

Presumably though it was your choice to spend your inheritances in that way. Therefore it is equally his choice as to what he does.

Honestly on an 80k inheritance I couldn’t spend 10k plus on Disney. Is there a half way house of a cheaper trip that would be memorable, where you could honour his dad and yet still allow him to invest 75k? Was there a special place, sport, band that might make it meaningful?

How much money have your parents given you in total for your wedding, house deposits and home improvements? I bet that would add up to a lot of money that has massively benefitted you both. Was your DH appreciative of all their financial help?

If you receive an inheritance from your parents in future, would he be happy for you to keep it for yourself?

If my husband was about to inherit £80k, there’s no way he wouldn’t discuss with me what the money would be used for. Same if it were me.

Seems incredibly selfish to just say invest and even then you’ve had to ask for that information.

Is he always this tight with money?

When inherited money in the past on both sides , we have sat down together and decided to pay off the mortgage, this happened bit by bit , I wanted an extension too , so we did that eventually as it benefitted the whole family.
We then bought a flat to rent out to bring in an income.
My sister had a very big family holiday , lots of small holidays , reduced her hours at work as her children were younger as she was able to after inheriting.
I do wish that we had spent some money on a holiday but I think I might have felt very guilty.
I think you should ask and I think he should be given time to think about it , but I think he is probably still grieving and hasn't given any thought to the money yet , especially as it is from a parent.

I'm curious. Since your savings on the light side, why didn't you put at least some of your inheritance and the money from your family there?

I'll be honest. I would take zero holidays until I had a really comfortable level of available emergency savings to cover emergencies like illness, job loss, HVAC failure, plumbing emergencies and the like. I think you guys need to look at budgeting and building up family money. That way your family isn't financing things like home improvements and holidays.

To be fair there is a huge difference between 80 grand and 8 thousand. I see your parents have also given you money at other times too but a lump sum of 80 is a lot of money that could make a huge video difference to a families wealth, either by paying off a mortgage quicker or topping up a pension. It sounds as though your family has had a fair share of family holidays so I can quite understand your DP thinking that there would be better ways of using this amount of money rather than spending a quarter of it on a holiday.

For us inheritances have always been rainy day money, pay off mortgage, savings so that we can help the kids when they are older if the shit ever hits the fan. It isn't to be spent on a holiday.