To feel a bit miffed - marriage.

[Maybeitsmable]

I've been with DP for 7 years, we've discussed marriage previously and our thoughts on it. When we first met said he "doesn't believe in it", which later down the line changed to "it's expensive and a waste of money" and that he doesn't see the point in it.

Anyway our DD is 4 and today in conversation he said to her "daddy might have to walk you down the aisle one day". He was proud as punch at the thought.

AIBU to be a bit miffed? He envisions our DD getting married and it being a lovely celebratory event, but he doesn't see/want that for our relationship 😏

Don't understand why any woman would give her child a man's name if he doesn't "believe in marriage" tbh. Traditionally any child of an unmarried woman has her name.

I regard my kids over my DP. (...and myself.) I'd be amazed if anyone didn't.

Allow me to amaze you. As we head into our dotage after 25 years of marriage both our priorities are each other, our adult children definitely come second.

No they don’t.

I'd have said, "Or perhaps Mummy will walk you down the aisle since Daddy doesn't believe in marriage."

Yes they do… lol

No.
Talking about men having kids with people they don’t wish to be with they were not “trapped”.

They just could not be arsed to use contraception.

Because she didn’t have a crystal ball.

Pretty sure she knew they weren’t married the first time they had a child…

🙄

You don’t need a crystal ball to make marriage a requirement for children.

The vast majority of children are not 'accidents.' Accidental pregnancies are very rare. Most women plan them.

Are men not able to take responsibility for their own fertility?

This is a lie.

It is not. In the 21st century, there is very little reason to get 'accidentally' pregnant . (In fact there has been very little reason for the past 4 or 5 decades.) There are multiple forms of contraception. In the vast majority of cases, 'accidental pregnancies' are anything but. Most 'accidental pregnancies' are planned, usually by the woman.

Rubbish. Accidental pregnancies happen all the time due to not taking adequate precautions or contraceptive failures. Are you a man? I also query your use of quote marks. If you’re talking about ‘accidental’ pregnancies, then the reasons remain the same and as common as ever- someone wants a baby and /or a link to the other person. If you’re talking pregnancies that are an actual accident, then by definition there aren’t motivated reasons as they are accidental, and the causes such as spontaneous sex and forgetting condoms or illness or sheer chance remain the same as always.

In my family there is one teen who was an accidental pregnancy to a teen, and I have had a positive pregnancy test with the implant in - my gps said that never happens.

Seriously. She is more financially stable with her own assets. Why on earth get married and loose half of what she has. Also, the ones saying, why have a child with someone if you know he doesn't want to marry. Are we in the 1950s? Children are not exclusive to married people. MN is becoming very twin set and pearls. If I were her, I would relish in my singledom knowing I have full control of my money and my life.

Also, the ones saying, why have a child with someone if you know he doesn't want to marry. Are we in the 1950s? Children are not exclusive to married people.

No. But if want to get married, and you're lucky enough to have found a man that actually wants children, the time to bring up marriage is as a condition of conception while there is still leverage.

I would define an accidental pregnancy as a pregnancy which has occurred despite one or both people using contraception correctly. By that definition, accidental pregnancies are rare.

For example, I would say that any pregnancy resulting from "the withdrawal method" is not an accidental pregnancy.

I would also say that any pregnancy which has occurred following a failure to use contraception properly is not a "surprise pregnancy" either, unless the woman has a genuine reason to think she cannot conceive. For example, my friend who did four years of IVF and eventually conceived her daughter with her very last embryo, and then got pregnant with her son naturally a few months later. Surprise pregnancy? Yes. Accidental pregnancy? No.

But if a young and otherwise healthy woman with PCOS gets pregnant after unprotected sex, that should not come as a surprise, and if she is surprised it is because she has not been properly educated about her condition.

@ NavyTurtle

But the OP is put out that “He envisions our DD getting married and it being a lovely celebratory event, but he doesn't see/want that for our relationship 😏”. She is irritated by the hypocrisy of her DP wanting marriage for his daughter but not for his partner, and his argument seems to be that marriage is “expensive and a waste of money”. I outlined the reasons why it didn’t have to be expensive. I don’t know why that has to be “twinset and pearls” - it is not unknown for mothers to want and indeed choose to be married to the father of their child.