Am I out of touch, old fashioned or are people these days just super sensitive

[Ruggerlass]

I’ve got my hard hat ready. I’ve been on here a few months now and some of the things I read make me think it’s no surprise the divorce rate is so high. It seems like people in relationships don’t want to compromise and talk through any difficulties they may have and men are the public enemy number 1. Don’t get me wrong no one should stay in an abusive relationship etc of any kind. For the record I’ve been married 38 years, We’ve had our ups and downs but have worked through them which seems to be lacking these days.,

Well I’ll let the results of the poll speak for
themselves. Seems that the majority of those voted agreed with me that I wasn’t being unreasonable in my thinking.

I would never say that, my own DH works away regularly and it has no impact on our marriage.

My point is that you wrote a smug thread criticising other people whose marriages have very sadly broken down while showing off about how you’ve worked through your issues.

Except you didn’t work through them, you apparently threatened to leave him if he didn’t do what you wanted.

And given that you apparently didn’t intend to go through with the threat it was pretty manipulative.

A little more self reflection might not go amiss.

Cool. And what about those women who have husbands who refuse to respond the way yours did.

There no point in trying to shame people. No-one leaves a marriage/relationship on a whim, especially when children are involved.

It’s just an easy thing to say that couples don’t stick it out anymore but I know people whose childhoods were spent wishing their parents would separate. I’m in my 50’s.

Why are divorce rates important if everyone involved (including children) are ultimately happier? That’s what matters.

Hmmm, it's hardly a large majority is it??

Your posts throughout this thread have been vague and contradictory and I think that is reflected in the final vote which is basically just 50/50.

You really don't give up do you?

I really hope you never go on a thread about divorce and spout your bollocks about them trying harder.

People who have never been through it have no clue. I was lucky i had a close relative going through it at the same time, he understood what even my parents didn't (who have been married 55 years by the way so I know all about how a good marriage works). Another close friend summed it up beautifully it's character building.

Never sit in judgement of those going through something you know nothing about as you've never had to go through it, and thank your lucky stars you haven't had to start again and pick yourself up from one of the most traumatic events in your life, when your life as you knew it and future dreams are all shattered.

I’d no intention of leaving until,we’d discussed the problem which I don’t think a lot of people do and just jump,ship.

No woman just ‘jumps ship’.

It’s not that easy to divorce, split assets and uproot your children’s lives.

You sound very sneery and seem to have very little understanding or empathy.

Because your horrible, sexist views weren’t clear in your OP until you were found out.

Making false threats is not ‘communicating’.

I suspect you’re bewildered by other women’s independence and started this thread to make yourself feel better.

It's become far too normal to not remain with your child's other parent. It's really damaging so many children. This idea of multiple kids by multiple men no longer being frowned upon is a step too far in the wrong direction.

Interesting that you don’t mention men having children by multiple women. Men still get a free pass, eh?

That said he was very career oriented but rightly or wrongly I saw it as my role to support him in that he was earning 4 times what I was pre children.

Couples these days are under far greater financial strain, when society conditions them to have higher aspirations, than back when you were young. I’m not sure you would have been so blithe if you were also the main breadwinner, commuting 2 hours a day.

Your true colours are showing. I am a 55y happily married feminist and celebrate the fact that women are getting out of marriages when it’s not working for them. In fact I think more should leave. We should not be judging them or saying oh if only they had just tried harder 🙄

I am 55. I would much rather my parents had got divorced than being subjected to that miserable marriage and home life growing up. That damaged me so much more.

After 20 years together I had to threaten my husband with Divorce when he would not take responsibility for being a bully and occasionally physically abusive to our children (denying, minimising, blaming). I hated him!

However, I stuck with him as there was too much to lose if we had divorced and, thankfully, he has mellowed, accepted he was in the wrong and we have a good relationship.

i’m waiting for the “you should have LTB” comments now, help! 😃

I'm more shocked you stayed with a man that bullied and abused your children. Obviously the trappings of marriage were more important than your own children's wellbeing. And you're almost gloating about it like it's something to be proud of. Those poor children

Hope you have your hard hat on! I’ve been berated for doing something similar! It’s good you communicated and managed to resolve the issue. I do think that in most instances marriages are worth saving.

Totally agree.

Sorry but that does sound awful for your children! I am also shocked that you accepted that behaviour on their behalf.

Did he "mellow" in time for them to have a childhood that didn't contain "occasional physical abuse" & bullying or is it just better for you now & your children are adult and have left home?
And just to add - NO physical abuse towards children is acceptable!

And in the past it was too "normal" to stay in unhappy marriages full of rows & upset which was just as damaging to children.

Not exactly surprising you agree with someone that talks about “people”, but ultimately blames women. It’s your whole shtick.

I wonder if that person’s children think it was worth it.

I grew up in a house like this and I think I resent the parent who enabled it even more than I resent the actively abusive parent. I see them both as abusers, but the enabler was more rational and clearly able to see what was happening.

This! The majority of women posting on here need to raise the bar IMO.

My DH has a much easier day than me, chilling on the train with a coffee and podcast, then tinkering away on a computer for a few hours, out for lunch with colleagues, couple of meetings with coffee and biscuits. Meanwhile I’m wrangling a crying baby and a feral toddler. Damn right he can help in the night!

female friendships - fine if they’re also a friend of the family and happy to meet up with partners and kids sometimes, but not fine if they’re secretive, inappropriately physical or sharing intimate information about the relationship. DH has a few long-term female friends and they’re all lovely to me, we all meet up at least once a year, with partners and kids, no secret meet-ups or inappropriate messages.

hobbies - fine if they don’t prevent the man from being an involved father and the mum gets equal hobby time too. Not fine if they take over weekends or essentially make the man an absent dad. My DH cut his hobby down from 10 hours a week to 5 after kids. I’d have left him if he carried on as before as it would make him a crap dad.

Sometimes it feels like a race to the bottom. So many woman put up with so much shit, and it is really disturbing that they let their husband's get away with it, and in the case above child abuse.

No way in hell would a good parent put up with child abuse just because someone said sorry! Then they added a smiley emoji to their post. It actually shows what a weak woman they are, whilst passing judgement on women who leave unhappy marriages.
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I think some of these posters are either trolls or the same person on multiple accounts though. The goady and smugness of them is really pathetic.