Page 7 | Husbands “jokes” about him retiring before I do

Lockdownsceptic · 17/08/2025 23:28

My DH is five years older than me. When we married we had expectations of retiring at the same time. The government put paid to that idea.

Mrsbloggz · 17/08/2025 23:47

Lockdownsceptic · 17/08/2025 23:28

My DH is five years older than me. When we married we had expectations of retiring at the same time. The government put paid to that idea.

Obviously that seriously disrupts the plans you had which is a bummer😣
But is there really any justification for women to have a younger retirement age than men?

llizzie · 18/08/2025 03:56

Oscarsmom71 · 16/08/2025 20:16

So husband is 5 years older than me
He is 7 years off state pension age. I am 12 years.
He thinks it’s funny to constantly make quips and off the cuff comments about how he will be enjoying his free time whilst I am still working on.
We both have moderate to ok pensions mine are better than his.
I have recently done well in my career due to prioritising children until they reached adulthood, However when we met 30 years ago he was financially on his knees, debt, no house, I had my own house. Do we used all the equity I had to put into a home for ourselves. I was happy to do this.
We combined everything and I never even thought about it.
But his little comments and jokes about him doing what he wants whilst I work in here and there are really annoying me and I feel disrespectful.
When I say they are not nice he says he’s just joking. But I am feeling more and more tired. My job is stressful and I work full time,
So the thought of me working in is just not great for me.
I maybe able to retire slightly early but I just feel his comments are not supportive or respectful.
AIBU ?

Lucky you for marrying an older man, who isn't as old as some. You could have five years of life with the perfect home help if you play your cards right.

Tell him you are really looking forward to his retiring first.

You don't have to tell him how you expect to have a clean house to come home to, and a lovely hot meal on the table waiting for you. That might make him get another job.

If you use public transport you could even get him to meet you at the bus stop or station.

He would be free to do the shopping too. Imagine how that might improve your life? More time to relax, you could be the envy of working wives everywhere.

It could be a really lovely life for you with that attitude. You might come home to a kitchen where everything is rearranged, but does that matter?

Lockdownsceptic · 18/08/2025 06:03

Mrsbloggz · 17/08/2025 23:47

Obviously that seriously disrupts the plans you had which is a bummer😣
But is there really any justification for women to have a younger retirement age than men?

Show quote history

The original idea of the different ages was so that men and women could retire together as men tended to marry women younger than themselves. In today’s world where so many women work at the same jobs as men and share domestic duties it probably isn’t justified. But women who retired at sixty rarely stopped working. They were the backbone of many charities and often took on extra duties caring for elderly parents and grandparents

And you’ve got to remember that being told in your forties that the retirement age was changing didn’t give women enough time to accrue a reasonable private pension. When I was a young mum I was not permitted to pay into a private pension while I was sahm for my children. I have thus only had half the time my husband had to build up a pension. It feels very unfair that it was done the way it was. A much fairer way would have been to equalise the retirement age at say 63 before raising it very gradually. But of course there was no money for that.

Firethehorse · 18/08/2025 06:40

I seriously think you need to reset both of your expectations for when you both retire together. For me it would be irrelevant DH feels he is wasting his time doing housework unless we decided to pay to outsource.
Good you have agreed to retire together but now reset the housework rota.

BourgeoisBabe · 18/08/2025 06:56

My DH is 10 years older than me. So he is retired while I am not. This seems fair. He has worked for longer than me. We do joke about it when I bring him tea in bed in the morning! He does a lot of the housework during the week which is great.

LidlAmaretto · 18/08/2025 07:04

For anyone saying this he doesn’t do housework unless I ask he sees it as a waste of life.

OP do you even want to retire with him? Years more of him putting his feet up while you do the housework?

Pomvit · 18/08/2025 07:55

my husband will retire ten years before me - yes it’s annoying, yes I’m jealous but he has also worked - ten years longer than me

if you’re tired at work then sort that issue, maybe go part time. I don’t think I want to retire too early

MySweetGeorgina · 18/08/2025 09:16

Oh gosh so he sees you as wage earner and also a cleaner/housework do-er and probably nurse him too

all whilst he sits back and relaxes?

nice plan mister but I’d be out the door

Greenshed · 18/08/2025 14:42

Play him at his own game for a while regarding the housework then (if you can bear to), and as another poster said, don’t do any - at least any that has a direct effect on him, ie, only wash and iron your clothes, not his, only wash up your dishes not his, leave the bedding (or decamp to the spare room and only do your own sheets), only dust your chair, etc, etc. See how he feels about that after a while. Tell him you don’t really like housework much either, so you’re cutting down on it by 50% 😂. Seriously though, he needs a good talking to about shared workloads and weight pulling.

yvvy · 18/08/2025 16:46

I’m single so leaving it to others to offer relationship advice. I would highly recommend that you do the free online course offered by Rebel Finance School. It’s run by a couple who retired early and share their learnings, they’ve been awarded MBE’s for services to financial education. The course is empowering for anyone whatever their position and will help you assess your own position and goals. It maybe that you could move part time to make things more bearable for you. The course is not selling anything and it’s very accessible learning. The 2025 version is just coming to an end but it’s recorded and available on YouTube so you can watch at your own pace. You might also want to seek some legal advice to understand the likely division of assets if being on your own could be a better option for you… Wishing you well.

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 19/08/2025 22:33

I think he’s being a twat tbh. It’s not fair if you brought more to the table than him for him to then goad you when he can retire earlier. I would probably start taking my career even more seriously faced with this and pay a shit tonne into your pension and separate your finances. He’ll be jealous to death if you’re busy with work and he’s bored at home with a mediocre pension. Move quietly, watch his face when your pension is much better. You could say something like ‘well it’s sad because it brings home to me the reality that you’ll statistically likely be dead 7 years before me.’

Barrenfieldoffucks · 19/08/2025 23:31

But she admits that she stepped back financially when the kids were younger, does that not level the playing field?

LidlAmaretto · 20/08/2025 07:07

Barrenfieldoffucks · 19/08/2025 23:31

But she admits that she stepped back financially when the kids were younger, does that not level the playing field?

Op said she took a step back from management so her salary halved. Not that she took a step back completely so it sounds like she was still working just not in management after putting up all the equity in the house and being married to someone who does no housework and takes the piss. Doesn't sound very even too me!