Husbands “jokes” about him retiring before I do

[Oscarsmom71]

So husband is 5 years older than me
He is 7 years off state pension age. I am 12 years.
He thinks it’s funny to constantly make quips and off the cuff comments about how he will be enjoying his free time whilst I am still working on.
We both have moderate to ok pensions mine are better than his.
I have recently done well in my career due to prioritising children until they reached adulthood, However when we met 30 years ago he was financially on his knees, debt, no house, I had my own house. Do we used all the equity I had to put into a home for ourselves. I was happy to do this.
We combined everything and I never even thought about it.
But his little comments and jokes about him doing what he wants whilst I work in here and there are really annoying me and I feel disrespectful.
When I say they are not nice he says he’s just joking. But I am feeling more and more tired. My job is stressful and I work full time,
So the thought of me working in is just not great for me.
I maybe able to retire slightly early but I just feel his comments are not supportive or respectful.
AIBU ?

You mean to say you do all the washing, ironing , cooking, cleaning and other stuff?

I would be stopping doing any of it that benefits him. See how the lazy smug git likes not having any dinner or clean socks.

My DH is 6 years older than me and retired early, but he stepped up, did all the school runs and all the housework.

I didn’t see another comment like this when I skimmed over it, I guess I thought there wasn’t more than one person to match such a dumb vile comment to their own husband

Is there a reason why you can't retire at the same time as him? Plenty of couples with fairly small age gaps do it, and now you've got 5 years to crunch the numbers, and do what you can to make that happen.

My dad retired at 50. He was a school teacher, and he'd just had enough. The hours, the stress. And at that point, he and mum had both had good inheritances from parents, not to mention a paid-off house and good savings of their own. My mum had never really worked, apart from a small one-day-a-week job when I was in my teens.

In hindsight, I'm so glad he retired when he did, as he died unexpectedly at 62. An age where he could have very easily still been working full time. Luckily, they managed to have a solid decade of happy retirement together.

His comments, while jokey, are insensitive given how you're feeling about work at the moment. That said, I'm glad he's realised it and that you've been able to talk it through. Wishing you a long and happy retirement together, it sounds like you've earned it 💐

From reading this thread I’m surprised that couples don’t talk about their retirement plans and the financial planning around it. Retirement is a big proportion of your life (hopefully) - sit down together and work out what income you are going to need and how you both want to spend the time

He has another 7 years. He could leave the planet also, God forbid it...this thread isn't news, is it

You can make plans but noone can predict the future

We will have to work to the very latest. Money shared. We feed each other when one has less money. Simple life , simple joys

Start making "jokes" about him working an extra ten years to repay you.

Tell him that statically speaking you'll live longer so will have a longer retirement.

Make your own “joke” back next time about how he’s also more likely to die before you as well 🤷🏻‍♀️

I thinks it’s more the issue that OPs DH is acting immature and stressing her out by regularly teasing her and gloating about the fact he’ll be retiring earlier.

OP has the basic intelligence to be aware this would always be the case but it’s him that’s odd in refusing to stop teasing her like this when she’s already asked him previously to stop doing it. He’s basically rubbing her nose in it and I don’t think that’s acceptable surely?

Why did you marry him?
He came to you with debts and no savings and mooched off you.

he doesn’t lift a finger regarding housework

what was the appeal

It isn't a surprise that he'll reach pension age 5 years earlier. What has come as a surprise to the OP is that he is being a smug prick about it, and rubbing her nose in it.

Besides, in the not too distant past, men retired at 65 and women retired at 60, so they would have retired at the same time.

Tell him you are retiring early - that will at least shut him up.

Rather than ignoring or going with the joke make time to have a proper conversation. Tell him you are going to retire at the same time as him and you both need to plan to make that happen. (Assuming this is what you want). Get out the spreadsheets, list out both your pensions and savings and see what arrangement you can come to.

I am 10 years old then DH and I am retiring before him and he will support me (however, I've always been the main earner and have put those additional funds into things for us and the children. Everything is joint for us.

My dh is 7 years older than me. I totally expect him to retire before me. Why should he work 7 years more than me just to wait for me? His job is very hands on, never been able to work for him and can’t do it part time. My job is flexible and I probably will cut down my hours during his retirement.
i don’t know this is a surprise for you, unless you both planned a long time ago to retire together, and both financially planned for this.

Enjoying his free time? Whilst you work and do all the housework.
By the first weekend you'll have had enough. Whats his plans to fill the day? Will his pension cover a cleaner and still cover all his bills and lifestyle?

If you both retire, at the same time, you'll be doing more housework in your free time. Again, nothing to look forward to.

You both need a proper chat. And then decide if its what you both want.

Sounds like a child you're describing, not a man close to retirement. Such a turn off.

I retired early (health) and when Dh talks of his retirement (coming soon) as some utopia where he doesn't have to get up, or do anything anymore, I remind him that I'll be the one having a bit of a rest with only half of the dog/house/laundry/cooking/garden/planning/finances/etc... his face fell when he realised all the life crap still needs doing when you're not working... and he'll be free and able to share in it all...

Still, I'm looking forward to it anyhow.😆

Surely what you mean is that his face fell when he realised that you're not prepared to be his mummy and do everything for him?

Well, I’m 7 years older than Dh so presumably will be eligible for state pension 7 years earlier. I certainly don’t plan to keep working longer just so he doesn’t feel sad. When I started my first proper job, he was literally 8. 😂

I probably would joke about it too, just like I joke about dying earlier and him finding a new wife. 🤣 But it’s a bit of a silly thing to get worked up about. If you want to retire at the same time, sit down and discuss your finances. Dh has put in less years of working than me, but has been financially savvy so we won’t need to work til pension age unless we want to. Surely, it’s just something you need to decide between you. Hopefully you’ve been saving extra to make it possible.

Perhaps you ought to "joke" about getting a divorce and supporting himself. His retirement plans may suddenly not look quite so rosy.

That said, I am five years younger than DH and have no problem with him retiring before me. I think he'll retire at 60 when we've paid the mortage. I'll only be 55 then and that seems a bit early to down tools to me.

Gawd, I'd rather carry on working than be retired with mine.

He's aged A LOT since he gave up work. He looks awful.

Have you told him how you feel about those comments and asked him to stop? Point out that you expect him to do more of the domestic chores when he's retired and you're still working.

It's just joke.

YABU. Life is short.