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Original poster

Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

383 replies

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:31

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 16/08/2025 03:54

No.

At most hand him an all weather swag and the phone numbers of assistance - charities, caravan parks, soup kitchens and council services. Maybe provide one hot shared meal with his kids each week - for benefit of the kids.

Sleeping in the car will heighten his own problem solving capacities.

Roosch · 16/08/2025 04:22

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:57

Okay

What if I'm male and the ex is female?

(I was in two minds if I should point this out at the start)

Edited

Absolutely not.
Don’t let her stay even for a night. Not your problem anymore. Don’t help her otherwise she will think you are her solution.

Remember how she behaved in the past.

Gymnopedie · 16/08/2025 04:22

OP don't fall into the trap of seeing yourself as rescuer/knight in shining armour. You may want to be kind, but you'd be opening up a whole vat of worms.

daisychain01 · 16/08/2025 04:25

NO, you'll never get rid of him.

Not your problem.

end of.

please don't let him emotionally blackmail you.

Roosch · 16/08/2025 04:26

“The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce”
This is the important part. Someone like this is absolute trash. Don’t let her in your front door.

Consider her dead to you.

InMyOpenOnion · 16/08/2025 04:26

You are divorced for a reason. It's not your job to keep picking up the pieces. Absolutely no way.

Longnightmoon · 16/08/2025 04:50

yeah, I know a couple who did this, and 35 years later, she still can't get him out of the house

no

no

no

FairKoala · 16/08/2025 04:52

If you house her then the council won’t. They will wash your hands of her and she will be stuck with you forever

It might sound like a kindness putting a roof over her head. But it isn’t. It would actually be doing her a disservice long term

washinwashoutrepeat · 16/08/2025 04:57

Probably would, depending upon their relationship with dc, but I am a soft touch who needs to work on her boundaries.

however, if they did not contribute to the upkeep of the house and make some positive steps, or be anything other than an excellent role
model for the kids, I would note

MayaPinion · 16/08/2025 04:59

No, not in a million years. You are putting her needs above your own. While it’s nice to be able to help people you shouldn’t do so to your own detriment when you you she is harmful and manipulative. If she moves in you will never get her out until she finds someone else to leech from.

JustMyView13 · 16/08/2025 05:04

Nope.
The ex’s hard times are ‘not your business’.
There are homeless charities they’ll need to turn to. You are not one of them.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 16/08/2025 05:16

As soon as I read the first post I thought it couldn't be the only option, and reading further of course it wasn't. And you say she is really nasty but you're also happy for her to be around your kids???

Don't take the ex in, it would be toxic for the children and for both of you. Be honest with yourself about why both of you are considering it. Be a responsible parent.

I have family members who always get into these situations with dysfunctional on-and-off relationships. I would suggest therapy to find out the root cause of this behaviour.

MYBO · 16/08/2025 05:19

First ExH absofuckinlutely not. He didn’t care what happened to me and the kids when I left (he was abusive). I’d happily leave him rot on the street. Second ExH, definitely would help.

Yachties · 16/08/2025 05:35

No way

Zanatdy · 16/08/2025 05:41

I would, and have, but my ex and I get on quite well and I know he would never see me on the streets. Even though we have been split 15yrs, I know he would drop everything if I needed help, so i’d obviously help him in return. Plus it would be difficult as our kids are young adults / teens now, and would he upset to know their dad was sleeping in a car. Everyone’s situation is different though, and you’d be well within your rights to say no.

JustFish · 16/08/2025 05:42

You sound strangely overinvolved in her choices - worrying about her in an hmo and wanting to get her onto the straight and narrow if she stays. The option isnt sleeping in her car or staying with you, is it? - it's taking a room in an hmo as many other adults have to at different points in their lives, a solution that doesn't need to be permanent, depending on her choices from this point.

I would say the same whether you are male or female : don't let your ex stay, keep some space apart and don't get too involved in their life. You can still be kind - offering advice, help with paperwork, applications, store important items while they move, give a place to meet the children, but don't bleed yourself dry. However moving into you and the childrens space is a very different signal, would be hard to reverse and impact on your daily life/choices /breed resentment if there are disagreements and incompatibilities (which there must be, given the divorce)

Are you a rescuer type? Or were in a sort of parentification relationship with your ex? It doesn't sound healthy for either of you, and not something to repeat by living together again.

isthismylifenow · 16/08/2025 05:42

No.

Because this is not going to be good for your children. There must be a reason why you have full custody. And if she is so down and out now, I assume the reason is still valid.

I doubt the only options are car or your house. Your house is probably what she wants, so is pushing for this option.

If you took her in, how do you think it will go trying to get her to move out at some point.

Blingismything · 16/08/2025 05:46

Absolutely not

UpUpAwayz · 16/08/2025 05:46

I’m confused because you say you never offered for her to stay but it also sounds like you told her not to get the HMO place which sounds like you are therefore presenting her with an alternative option. If she was going to take the HMO and then you say no don’t, I’m worried about your safety and she said ok well can I stay at yours then? Then I think you now have to say yes really because your intervention meant she didn’t take the HMO place. But otherwise and before it sounds like you got involve would have said no don’t let her stay, let her sort herself out.

IamNotBeingUnreasonable · 16/08/2025 05:48

No no no no no.
This is not your problem, don't get involved.

Beyondburnout · 16/08/2025 05:52

No fucking way.

Notquitethetruth · 16/08/2025 06:01

No. Think of your children and put them first. Reads like she has a lot of problems which are ongoing. This will impact your family. No No No.

Platypusdiver · 16/08/2025 06:08

Yes. He is still the father of your children.

Platypusdiver · 16/08/2025 06:10

Sorry. I committed the sin of not reading past the first page.

Theresealindseyillbetyou · 16/08/2025 06:12

Platypusdiver · 16/08/2025 06:10

Sorry. I committed the sin of not reading past the first page.

You're forgiven 🙏 😁

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