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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

383 replies

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:31

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

OP posts:
Whyx · 15/08/2025 23:40

I've read that damn Julia Donaldson book too many times for it not to pop into my head when I read your title.

Try taking in your hen, goat, pig and cow first and then you'll realise how much you enjoy your own space!

NuffSaidSam · 15/08/2025 23:40

No of course not.

The homelessness epidemic is terrible, but my house is not a shelter.

I would maybe give them some cash to stay in a shelter the night before contact each week so they could look presentable for the kids.

minerva7 · 15/08/2025 23:42

God no!

sesquipedalian · 15/08/2025 23:42

“The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce”

OP, I can understand that you are thinking, well, he’s the father if my children and they don’t want to see their DF on the streets. BUT, just re-read what you’ve written abive, and tell me how it would be different? He’d move in “temporarily”, and it wouldn’t be long before he was nasty to you, and arguing with your family again. There is a reason why he’s your ex. Doesn’t he have any friends or family of his own he can appeal to? Of course he will turn in the charm and try emotional blackmail, but I’m sorry to say that if you weaken, it really won’t end well.

eone · 15/08/2025 23:43

Absolutely not. He's made his bed.
If he was ok and agreeable during the divorce (depending of course what the reason for divorce was) I would consider it, but if he was a nasty prick, no way I would be helping him.
Don't let him use you. He will be nice because it suits him now, but will be back to his old ways before you know and I suspect it will be a struggle to move him out. Manipulative CF. Don't fall for it

Valkyrie3 · 15/08/2025 23:44

No fucking way.

Nextdoormat · 15/08/2025 23:44

The saying about what you wouldn't do if they were on fire, covers it for me!

Enrichetta · 15/08/2025 23:45

no way.

Please, get yourself some self help books about people pleasing and boundaries.

fireworksinaugust · 15/08/2025 23:46

No

ChewbaccasMrs · 15/08/2025 23:46

NO never and I think if he ever turned up here my very lovely DH would rip him a new one.

YetanotherNC25 · 15/08/2025 23:49

It’s a hard no in these circumstances.
I would consider taking my ex I have children to in, but not the others. But he wasn’t the cockwomble you describe. And it would be for the kids not him.

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/08/2025 23:50

caringcarer · 15/08/2025 23:35

Absolutely not. He should have thought about that before he cheated.

He cheated? OP didn't mention cheating.

commentsuncomfortable · 15/08/2025 23:50

No

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 15/08/2025 23:52

Valkyrie3 · 15/08/2025 23:44

No fucking way.

^^ this

SpringSpruce · 15/08/2025 23:53

If he was the DCs dad, and a good dad then yes.
If he would be likely to cause arguments, stress, or the DC aren't close with him because of behaviour then no.
If he's a genuinely good dad I would put up with the annoyance as it's someone the DC love. I would however put a time limit on it of eg 6 months (or 2 months to find a job then 6 months to save up) and a rule that any arguments or stress would mean he'd need to leave.

CheeseWisely · 15/08/2025 23:54

I saw my ex today for the first time in years. I wouldn’t have pissed on him if he’d caught fire in front of me, so no.

GreenFlag · 15/08/2025 23:54

Father of your kids? Yes I would.

Peacepleaselouise · 15/08/2025 23:54

No, because they sound like they were at least verbally abusive in the past. If it was amicable then absolutely.

Blibbleflibble · 15/08/2025 23:56

Fuck no.

Ellie56 · 15/08/2025 23:56

Nope.

Don't fall for his hard done by shit. He can sleep in his fucking car.

Original poster
Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:57

Okay

What if I'm male and the ex is female?

(I was in two minds if I should point this out at the start)

OP posts:
AliceMaforethought · 15/08/2025 23:57

No. No need to turn the other cheek. Take the win.

AliceMaforethought · 15/08/2025 23:57

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:57

Okay

What if I'm male and the ex is female?

(I was in two minds if I should point this out at the start)

Edited

Doesn't make a difference in my view.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 15/08/2025 23:57

I absolutely would.

Unfortunately, though, you added this…

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

…which turns it to a no.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 15/08/2025 23:58

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:57

Okay

What if I'm male and the ex is female?

(I was in two minds if I should point this out at the start)

Edited

No difference. She had the choice to behave decently but chose not to.

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