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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

383 replies

Donotpanicoknowpanic · 15/08/2025 23:31

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

OP posts:
MrsSunshine2b · 16/08/2025 01:09

No, they burned their bridges.

Original poster
Donotpanicoknowpanic · 16/08/2025 01:10

snemrose · 16/08/2025 00:56

She was offered a HMO but you were worried about her safety? Did you think her sleeping in her car was a safer option? Why did you think you had the right to veto any accommodation she was offered?
No I don’t think she should stay with you even for a night

How did I veto anything?

She asked me if she could stay at mine

I never offered

OP posts:
freerangethighs · 16/08/2025 01:30

I'd let my ex stay if it would not negatively impact their options for public housing, but would probably not let yours stay given what you have said. But I would tell her right away that she cannot stay, and also tell her clearly and as soon as I could what help or support I could offer.

PlayfulWrangler · 16/08/2025 01:32

NO. People like your ex don't change. Don't open that door.

FourCatMama · 16/08/2025 01:34

From a family law lawyer: Hell to the NO!!!!!!

No3392 · 16/08/2025 01:50

Absolutely fucking not.

OrangeAndPistachio · 16/08/2025 02:01

Absolutely not! And I think you're crazy to even consider it.

If you allow her into your home you may never get rid of her.

MooDengOfThailand · 16/08/2025 02:05

No.

showyourquality · 16/08/2025 02:11

No.
Absolutely not.

numbfromlife · 16/08/2025 02:16

I would want to say yes but I'd say no. I'm not signing up to bring someone who is unkind and abusive into my home. It's my safe space. It might be unsettling for the children too. I would help them to make contact with agencies that can help them or point them in that direction.

Enko · 16/08/2025 02:19

I am in two minds over this.

I dont think I would want to see my childrens dad sleeping in his car.
Nor would I want someone abusive in my home.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/08/2025 02:21

No, you'll be back in the same situation minus the marriage.
No way.
If I was feeling guilty, I'd offer him an old duvet or a hot water bottle for his car.
He burnt his bridges. Let him enjoy the consequences.

SanFranBear · 16/08/2025 02:28

No!

TheGreatWesternShrew · 16/08/2025 02:42

No they can sleep in their car. They’re not my responsibility anymore and can sort themselves out.

He wouldn’t take you in, OP.

TheGreatWesternShrew · 16/08/2025 02:42

No they can sleep in their car. They’re not my responsibility anymore and can sort themselves out.

He wouldn’t take you in, OP.

Shatandfattered · 16/08/2025 02:45

Haven't RTFT but I'd say after a nasty divorce and him leaving you no doubt thinking he was the winner... He will end up where fate is meant to take him but the universe has already shown it's not with you 💕

Theresealindseyillbetyou · 16/08/2025 02:48

The ex is a woman and the guy has full custody of the children.

DelphiniumBlue · 16/08/2025 02:51

Why are there no other options? Is that actually the case , or is it that they’d prefer to stay at yours rather than sofa surf/ move in with friends or family/ rent a room? Have they burned all other bridges by being an arse? Are they not able to earn enough money to rent a room in a shared house, or get a job with accommodation? Why is it that staying at yours is the only option?

Forthisonde · 16/08/2025 03:20

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Well, no then.

PinkyFlamingo · 16/08/2025 03:30

Of course it's a no!

Divastrout · 16/08/2025 03:35

No way!!

Velmy · 16/08/2025 03:38

Testerical · 16/08/2025 01:07

No, of course not. Sex of person concerned is of no relevance. Does she have drug dependency or other vulnerabilities like mental health condition? She won’t end up on the streets if she doesn’t want to be on the street. She will get a hostel bed as others have said if she is genuinely homeless.

The sex reveal does change my view slightly. It's obviously a lot more dangerous for a woman to be out in her car/sleeping rough.

There's also the future to think about...how will the kids feel when they find out that their dad didn't help their mum when she was facing homelessness?

I don't think he should give her the run of the house indefinitely, but perhaps very short term until accommodation is sorted.

Astrak · 16/08/2025 03:40

Definitely not. When someone shows you who they are - believe them.

Applefantea · 16/08/2025 03:40

I would if he'd been decent during the divorce. If your ex caused endless drama during and after the divorce, he will cause drama while living with you. I actually think you'll be putting yourself at physical, financial, emotional risk by taking an angry, bitter ex in.

Rainbowqueeen · 16/08/2025 03:51

No

The DC need to come first. There is clearly some instability and mental health issues at play if she won’t accept the HMO The DC do not need that in their home which should be their safe space.

I would help her fill out forms, arrange for her to see DC at soft play, the park or for lunch at a restaurant at my cost but that would be it.