Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

[Donotpanicoknowpanic]

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

People don’t just end up homeless. Something happens… often it can be no fault but in this case does not sound like she was or is a responsible adult or that the temporary situation will be short term. You’re making it your problem and need to ask why. Someone leaving hits hard but objectively there’s no reason for you to agree and opening can of worms springs to mind.

Hell no!!!!! They probably would be less grateful and more entitled. The nastiness would soon reveal itself and all that you would have succeeded in doing, is re inviting disruption and turmoil back into your life. They nor the council will see their rehousing as a priority if you let them stay.

You need to let go of the person you want them to be and accept them for who they are.

No. He is an ex for a reason.

If he is the father of your children and 100% a good father, who had been good to you and kind during the divorce etc then I’d probably facilitate something but not necessarily in my actual home.

Nope. I would not help them out.

If you are concerned about her safety in a HMO do things that enhance her safety rather than risking the negative impact of her staying at yours.
Also if you take her in she will be deemed as housed by the council and will close her case.
If you are able, buy her something like this to help her feel safe in the HMO

www.amazon.co.uk/Jammers-Obstruction-Security-Personal-Protection/dp/B0DNH7V4GX/ref=sr_1_6?crid=2TCSXO6AD7W0E&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.jKz-96MqbMApbqIT0PUgo1bQfrXDMiyQftBDQU9rlg9OCTZAlIrZfQHbLExND2rVZvQUQoXwHJa_c4p9tZRv1TOfkFDZ_LOpTdo5GN34DlfOqsqDHWXdjfb13EKKMmQ7QdsmY_XGEE_Yd3pb_ovWL-bdByIsTtpFrv2jOouyuOyIJpidtUTaeYVVEev4vmP8pUtl-9N7Ck2309rlR150BaCJIwqR27oVvLM-ZE7hvM6xiUGWX9NGVeyt-rrJs1zQQfZ_5FTBUdDMNssFkTV9ubi7PvSHJjWTLLasGCVk93A.C7fAZL0dqC3Qla1uKBKlMwqKx4cCfY0lyM7oIZ3JWUE&dib_tag=se&keywords=safety+lock+hotel&qid=1755341447&sprefix=Safety+lock+hote%2Caps%2C112&sr=8-6

No. I wouldn’t. But like you, I would probably question myself and wonder if it was the right or wrong choice. You won’t get rid of him easily. You will have a non contributing adult to manage on top of everything else. No.

If she has been offered a HMO then all she has to do is accept it. Who offered it to her? The council or a private landlord?
What council housing application are you having to fill in for her?
How are you going to be strict with her to ‘make her’ change her life around?

No.

Another 'no' from me. I am very glad you are declining this, it is very revealing that she would even ask you to take her in (rather than ask for other help). Taking her in would have disaster written all over it. It would threaten your children's peaceful life and home and the progress they have made, they are the priority here.

My ex is actually homeless, sleeping on the street, due to drug addiction . I did consider helping him because for some reason, I felt guilty. But then i realised he wasn't my responsibility. He is in this position because of the choices he made, and if his own mother, brothers, and sisters won't take him in, then why should I feel guilty. Plus, it would massively affect the children having him here.

Do not let her stay, not even for one night. It's not fair on the children, and it's really not your responsibility.

Nope - he shouldn't or she shouldn't have been an asshole about things. THe only exception for me would be if there was a sep annex and they were paying full market rent etc. And it was all on a formal footing even then I would be wary of being manipulated etc

It would be very confusing for your children to have her back. It would be nice of you to help her but even that is not an obligation. It is not your job to fix this mess.

It's very noble to want to save a person , but the reality is that you can't. She made bad decisions has she? And there apparently is nobody else to help her , wel , I'd question why there are no parents , siblings , friends etc that can help her. Is it because she's burned those bridges with her behaviour possibly?

Ultimately you will do whatever it is you will do , but to think that you can make her do anything given the history of your relationship is delusional.

Fuck no

Drugs for sure are different and that's always has to be a solid no

You can't have someone in the house doing drugs with children around

That's all type of bad

No. And nor would our kids. Not ever under any circumstances. He lost his paternal rights thank fuck, and if he dies homeless it’ll be a blessing.

My children's behaviour have improved massively since she left, a few school reports have commented that they can't believe the difference they have seen

That's the beginning and the end of the debate right there. Whatever chaos she brought to their lives don't bring it back.

Don’t have kids but would be an absolute no from me , I wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire though , might be different if I liked them as a person

Erm, Lemme think about it for a moment.... NO.

I feel really sorry for you. I have a partner that I think is abusive and every time I have tried to break up with him he pulls this crap and it’s awful! You can’t help being a kind person and they take advantage all the time.

If I had managed to get rid a 1st time (dream) I would never ever let them stay, I imagine he will refuse to leave and will get too comfortable. If he’s a narcissist then he’ll start telling you everything you want to hear and reel you back in.

When I think about me having nothing as in zero house, zero savings etc. I think as long as I had no responsibilities (kids to house) then I would get the cheapest room in a shared house, work full time and overtime if possible and work my way out of the bad situation, of course it’s hard these days but it’s not impossible. I bet your ex (like my OH) has themselves to blame for having nowhere to. For example, mine has lots of debt but has not had to pay half of any rent or mortgage for 10+ years due to me owning the house so has no excuse for being in as much debt as he is or for having no savings other than his own greed. Please, please don’t let him in.

No. I don’t want to live with someone who cheated on me, gave me two STDs, was violent and emotionally/financially abusive. I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire.

My ex's? Yes. They're both really incredible people and we still speak regularly even now years later.

Your ex? No they sound horrible.

No! He's been nasty and told lies about you? No! No! There's a reason no one else wants him around, and neither should you.

Sorry I put YANBU but in a word. No. He showed his colours. Had the marriage broken down and he been civilised (even for the kids) i
might take pity but nope.

Seriously!? 😳