Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

[Donotpanicoknowpanic]

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

NEVER

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce
That'd be a no, then. Why potentially set yourself up for more hurt? Look after yourself.

Happens to the best of us! Hope you don't get a pile on from others who also didn't rtft!!!!

I’m a Christian too but you can help a person without giving them the keys to your house. As the OP says his children are much better without their mum living there, I think setting a firm boundary is a good way forward. ‘Yes, I’ll help you but not to the detriment of my kids’ welfare’.

My answer would be exactly the same.
Don't set yourself up for potentially more hurt.

Nope.

there will be an offer of accommodation from the council (likely a hostel) , they may not like it but it will be a roof over their head.

your aren’t responsible for them.

also, if the relationship became toxic then this isn’t good for the children to be around f again.

also also, very confusing for the kids if other parent is here/ then not here/ sofa surfing in their home (their safe place).

I would not let her move in. She was nasty to you in the past. Why can't she move in with family or friends? My feeling is that over the years she was mean or nasty with other people. She probably refused to listen to any advice she was given in the past by people.
Now things have come to this situation. If she moves in with you the council won't find her a place to live in the future so she will be with you long term.
She is going to increase your bills and she will get nasty with you again. If your children live with you they don't need to see and hear you both fighting with eachother.
She needs to move into a hmo and work on improving her own circumstances to move out of a hmo in time.

There are a couple of exs that I would take in because they are nice people and still are kind to me.

I wouldn't have someone in my life, let alone my house someone who was nasty and told lies about me so no.

Not in the context you've described.

Absolutely not. It’s not the right thing for your kids and you know it. Don’t risk jeopardising the progress they’ve made. Your ex is an adult and responsible for herself. I honestly don’t think you should be helping from a distance, just focus on you and the kids and let her sort out her own mess

Also, don’t be fooled into thinking it would be temporary. If you let her in it she won’t move out voluntarily. The council will stop being responsible for putting a roof over her head once you do it. You’ll end up having to kick her out, which would probably be more harmful than if you hadn’t let her stay in the first place.

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

Oh well that’s alright then*

*sarcasm

If he was the father of my kids then yes. Not for him but for my kids.

No way you would never see the back of them. Nothing like a bit of karma tough shit.

Sorry, just seen you're male & ex is female. My opinion is the same - if she is the mother of the kids I think it's the right thing to do. If not, then absolutely no.

Has she even seen the HMO before declining it? I don't think there will just be men living there. There will be women as well in the same situation as her.

No. Its a bad idea. You have to protect yourself and your peace.

NO WAY

Realistically if she moves back in with you the council will see it that she is sufficiently housed and not offer any support.
If your childrens behaviour and school reports have massively improved since she left, and she was so hideous during the divorce I have no idea why you’d risk it.
If she’s been offered a HMO she should should take it, each door will have locks on. If she doesn’t want to take it and you can afford and want to help her out then pay a deposit and few months rent on a private house share, she will then have to get a job to support herself and you are not seeing the mother of your children homeless.
I would offer the same to a friend if I could afford to, who had found themselves in difficulty.
If you can’t afford to help out with a house share deposit separate to you, you’d be bonkers to allow her back in your house to disrupt your lives.

Juat to add. I've known someone who was in a similar situation. They got the sad story from their ex, how they want to change they need a chance. They wanted therapy and they wanted to do the work. The story was so sad and sweet, and in the end the biggest mutilation. There ex had actually changed so much in the time apart, it because a horribly abusive situation for them, and their kid. Don't feel sad for their sad stories, there are shelters and places and resources out there for them to get help. If they want that she will get back onto hwr feed on her own. Don't risk the home, for your children's sake. They have to come first, even if nothing abusive happens, everything all their stability you have given your kids now will unravel. I think its so hard, when you have a big heart want to help, feel empathy for someone you once had such a life and commitment with. Its hard to say no, its so hard to go agenst any stigmas that a man must help a woman, or any upbringing that maybe you have that is also making you feel you have to help. Let her hit her rock bottom let her make her changes, there places she will get help from, if she doesnt want them. If they dont suit her, that right there is your first biggest red flag. People who truly need help, want to change etc will take anything from whats available out there and work hard themselves to get it right. Your priority and duty is to your children, keep them safe out of the drama. And dont let the devil in the door.

I’m afraid it was a big mistake to tell her that you thought the accommodation she was offered is unsafe.

OP, you need to stay out of her housing situation completely.
She is trying to make it your problem to solve.

If she turns down the HMO without a good reason (and there are very few of those when you are essentially homeless, not liking it is not enough), the council will no longer have an obligation to house her.

They can remove her from their list.

She may then come back to you, telling you she did it because of you and didn't realise what would happen.

That will be a lie, the council do make it clear if you turn down their offer of accommodation, they don't have to find more.

No. When you end a relationship, you also abdicate responsibility for helping the ex out of their messes. I get it isn't nice for children to see dad homeless, but also they learn actions have consequences, and when you treat someone like shit they don't later save you from yourself.

Hahahahhaha no way. If it was my ex I would probably laugh in his face because he deserves to suffer.

No way would offer if i had been treated badly and tbh, i’d take great satisfaction in doing so, , and now i’ve read that your children's behaviour has improved massively, don’t jeopardise that, put their needs first.

Absolutely not!